jamespkrehbiel's Open Salon Blog

Penn State, Paterno and the Pennsylvania 'Pass the Buck" Law

Wed, 9 Nov 2011 18:11:58 -0500

We live in a culture riddled with secrecy, denial and childhood sexual abuse. The revelations and reality about the pattern of institutional cover-ups at Penn State University underscore the nature of the problem. The voice of children, who are the victims of sexual abuse, are often disregarded and invalidated. The power of denial transcends the painful reality of violating our most valuable, yet vulnerable resource. Often, parents, schools, community caretakers and agencies are more interested in protecting the perpetrators of abuse than in seeing justice rendered. It's unfortunate, but in a litigious society the wheels of justice are more likely to be granted to the most powerful players.

Unfortunately, it is human nature for those who are first-hand witnesses of sexual abuse to deny, minimize, or avoid its impact; this is also true for those who are potential reporters who have been provided with first-hand information regarding suspected sexual abuse, such as the case with Joe Paterno. Rather than standing tall as a mandated reporter (along with assistant Mike McQueary), he decided to follow the letter of Pennsylvania law, absolving himself of responsibility by seeking to pass the information along to "higher authorities."

Most states have mandatory reporting laws that address this problem of potential reporters trying to shirk their responsibility. In Arizona, the key phrase in the mandatory reporting law is "any person” is obligated to report suspected abuse. In other words, most everyone constitutes a mandated reporter and penalties for not reporting are severe.

It appears that in the Pennsylvania mandated reporting law, those individuals who work in institutional settings are provided an "out" by merely mandating that personnel such as educators pass suspected abuse information to their superiors. This distinction in the Pennsylvania reporting law creates a loophole, which is disturbing. At Penn State University, rather than holding first-hand responders responsible for reporting suspected abuse, the Pennsylvania statute let Paterno and McQueary off the hook and gave them the opportunity to dilute the information as they passed it on to their administrative superiors.

I am not suggesting that Penn State administrators, including the university president, are not culpable for what occurred. Rather, I am making a case that Mike McQueary and Joe Paterno had a legal and ethical responsibility to report suspected abuse and were provided a legal escape through Pennsylvania law.

According to Mike McQueary, he witnessed a horrific scene within the locker room at Penn State University. He viewed a child being sodomized by former assistant football coach, Jerry Sandusky. He supposedly found the situation so repulsive, that he fled the locker room. Due to his eyewitness account, McQueary had the most significant role and obligation to report the alleged sexual abuse to the police and child protective services. Joe Paterno received first-hand information about the alleged sexual abuse from McQueary and should have collaborated with him to report it. According to most state’s child protective service protocols, "any person" should be obligated to report suspected child abuse - including Joe Paterno, who had first-hand knowledge relayed to him about the heinous acts of Jerry Sandusky.

Once again, we are witnessing the ugly side of college sports and institutional cover-ups. It is obvious that the NCAA is being tarnished by the behavior of many players and coaches. I find it mystifying and yet understandable, that the Penn State University administrators, including the president, have taken the fall for the legal and ethical cowardice of a coach who plans on leading his team onto the field this Saturday for a game that most people will find repugnant.

Cognitive Therapy and Metaphors for Tinnitus Treatment

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 19:07:21 -0400

Lisa was referred to me by a physician who specializes in treating inner-ear disorders. The neurologist was familiar with the efficacy of cognitive-behavioral therapy and its application in treating pain-related disturbances. This patient was referred to me as a part of a multidisciplinary approach to managing tinnitus.

Tinnitus is a ringing, swishing or other type of noise that seems to originate in the inner-ear or head. Nearly 36 million people suffer from this disorder. Many factors, such as certain medications, ear wax, fluid, infection or disease of the middle ear bones or eardrum can cause tinnitus. As with any pain syndrome or disturbance, emotional factors can exacerbate the disorder.

Lisa complained of a loud, swishing sound emanating from both ears. The disturbance was significant enough that it began affecting her ability to function in a meaningful manner. At home, while preparing dinner, she found herself shifting her head in an unusual position toward her right shoulder in a ritualistic attempt to minimize the annoying vestibular volume.

Her bodily compensation reminded me of a clutched position that battle-scarred soldiers assume in combat that represents a way of warding off impending doom. In reality, such posture actually symbolizes the heightened hypervigilance experienced by those who have been exposed to physical and emotional trauma.

It has been my experience that a pain-related syndrome often serves as a mysterious metaphor for the way we relate to the world. M. Scott Peck, author of the Road Less Traveled, used to talk about the nemesis of his neck pain. Although he sought surgery to rectify his condition, he viewed his problem as a more complex pattern. The origin of his neck stiffness transcended bones and tissue. Peck often said “he was afraid to stick his neck out." His malady was a metaphor for holding things in and avoiding conflict at all costs. Learning to assert himself paid dividends, and further minimized the significance of this problem.

As Lisa and I explored her problem, I began to see a thread that linked her nonsensical noise into a self-defeating cycle. "The volume was chronically turned up in Lisa’s life and it made her head spin." She often affirmed this impression through the narrative of her life’s experiences.

Lisa had always done what others required of her. Her earliest recollections of this behavior occurred when walking home from school on a rainy day with several friends. As a mean-spirited lark, her friends asked her to stick her feet into a large puddle of water soaking her shoes and socks. She obliged her friends so as not to disappoint them. She felt humiliated as her school-mates looked on and mocked her. From that moment forward, the power of pleasing others emerged as a benchmark for how she would conduct her life.

Alfred Adler used to say that our earliest childhood recollections embody a constellation of beliefs, thoughts and feelings that have the power to profoundly impact one’s future behavior. Lisa’s experience in a mud puddle would fuel her later behavior within adulthood.

Lisa worked as a full-time tutor. Her students loved her. One day, she taught ten students in a row, driving to and from each student's house. She then went home, did her chores and prepared her evening meal for her husband. It was typical for her to push to accomplish tasks for others without ever setting appropriate boundaries for herself. She never requested or required anything from others – finally she gave in to exhaustion.

As Lisa began to disclose more freely in therapy, her story of unyielding sacrifice for others at her own expense became more evident. All the money she earned went to subsidize her granddaughter, who refused to work. Lisa disclosed that her granddaughter had a $200 a month smoking habit. Although she was conflicted about supporting her granddaughter’s addiction, she paid her the money to cover the cost. Lisa showed regret rather than appropriate resentment for enabling her granddaughter’s behavior.

In order to decrease the background noise in Lisa’s life, we worked on the following issues:

Balancing the need to please with a sense of personal protection
Learning assertiveness skills
Requesting and allowing others to nurture her
Letting go of the need for frenzied activity
Listening to her body and honoring it by slowing down
Learning to get un-trapped from the fear of abandonment
Learning to never do for others what they can do for themselves
Relaxing the sympathetic nervous system through exercise and meditation

In order to address the above issues and assist in decreasing the volume of her tinnitus, I worked with Lisa on her thoughts, distorted cognitions and underlying assumptions about life. I taught her to rationally respond to self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Some of the types of thoughts we reframed were:

"Where is it written that people can't get along without me?"
"If I say no, and people don't like it, it's their problem."
"It's okay to have abandonment feelings, just don't act on them by trying too hard.”
"I need to focus in the moment, rather than stressing about things I can't control. If certain things don't get completed, it's not the end of the world."
"I need to treat myself as if I were a dear friend.”
"If I give in to others, I'll only resent it later.
What's the hurry, anyway?"

As a result of the modifications in her thought-processes, Lisa began to make progress in accepting her tinnitus and learned that self-defeating thoughts were a metaphor for assumptions which aggravated her inner-ears. These were factors that complicated her condition by creating unnecessary stress.

Note: This case is a composite drawn from my practice as a psychotherapist. It has been altered to protect the individual’s right to confidentiality and privacy.

Cognitive Therapy and Metaphors for Tinnitus Treatment

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 19:07:27 -0400

In order to decrease the background noise in Lisa’s life, we worked on the following issues:

Balancing the need to please with a sense of personal protection
Learning assertiveness skills
Requesting and allowing others to nurture her
Letting go of the need for frenzied activity
Listening to her body and honoring it by slowing down
Learning to get un-trapped from the fear of abandonment
Learning to never do for others what they can do for themselves
Relaxing the sympathetic nervous system through exercise and meditation

"Where is it written that people can't get along without me?"
"If I say no, and people don't like it, it's their problem."
"It's okay to have abandonment feelings, just don't act on them by trying too hard.”
"I need to focus in the moment, rather than stressing about things I can't control. If certain things don't get completed, it's not the end of the world."
"I need to treat myself as if I were a dear friend.”
"If I give in to others, I'll only resent it later.
What's the hurry, anyway?"

Note: This case is a composite drawn from my practice as a psychotherapist. It has been altered to protect the individual’s right to confidentiality and privacy.

10 Insights to Help Couples Resolve Conflict

Sun, 10 Jul 2011 16:07:56 -0400

Many couples get caught up in arguing over the typical problems that plague relationships. A list of topics that couples encounter is actually quite simple. Couples feud over finances, household tasks, in-laws, parenting issues, lack of trust and so on.

Partners tend to play out a relationship dance as their way of managing the stress associated with the aforementioned themes. They will press the play button and chronically create the same interactional pattern of behavior. The conflict generally takes on a life of its own and leads to a heightened state of reactivity or passivity. One partner may be visibly angry, while the other mate shuts down and distances from the conflict.

It is not unusual for partners to become aggressive or fluctuate to the other extreme by passively pretending that the conflict does not exist. In their denial they may say, "I don't know what our problem is; I don’t see it because we never seemed to argue."

Continuous silence and avoidance are not impressive qualities of a healthy relationship. Learning how to fight appropriately is an integral part of promoting understanding among couples. Assertive, honest communication involves sharing intense feelings that validate a partner’s concerns. Couples must learn to feel safe enough in a relationship to allow for the expression of difficult thoughts and feelings. Here are some insights that may assist couples to fight more constructively and bring healing to their relationships:

Recognize that some conflict is inevitable, an avoidable by-product of any meaningful relationship.
Learn to respond rather than react. Reactivity is borne out of stress and anxiety. Promote understanding in the relationship by remaining calm, listening carefully and asking your partner questions for clarification.
It's perfectly acceptable and understandable to disagree, at times. You don't always have to be right! Accept and respect differences in your partner's opinions.
Listen carefully to each other without making value judgments. Respect differences in perspective.
Avoid getting defensive and intent on justifying your point of view.
Avoid shutting the conversation down unless you sense you're navigating a slippery slope and need a time out. Mutually decide when to resume conflict resolution toward closure.
Stressors, including unresolved family-of-origin issues, can affect current communications. Recognize the stressors, acknowledge them to your partner and refrain from using them as psychological weapons.
Avoid manipulating your partner, by bringing up issues involving family history. This pattern only exacerbates reactivity and defensiveness.
If you get off track in your communications and you feel unsafe, call a truce and resume your discussion later.
Reinforce one another when you are successful at processing conflict into closure.

Communicating through conflict takes courage, patience and perseverance. Remember, that conflict is inevitable, and that one’s style of relating may affect the outcome. Unfortunately, temporary hurt is often the byproduct of honest, forthright communicating. However, if couples can learn to make their point in a kind, considerate manner, that will help foster successful conflict resolution and heal troublesome emotional scars.

The Saga of a Divided Electorate

Thu, 30 Jun 2011 12:06:07 -0400

Most Americans choose to divide our voting citizenry along party lines - Democrats and Republicans. The Democrats have been characterized by the tendency to overspend and their devotion to a big government that likes to take our freedoms away. Republicans are best known for their conviction of fiscal conservation and preserving states rights to do as they please. Although this is an oversimplification, it projects a perception bought by this country's public.

In the midst of all the political rhetoric, we have those who choose to inflame the passions of both party participants. Terms such as Washington elites, right-wingers, reactionaries, lame-stream media, Fox noise and bleeding-heart liberals are endlessly bantered around. Civility, as the core of political discourse, is put on the shelf as each side accuses the other of leading the country down a destructive path, away from the principles of a democratic society. Our new political affiliates, the tea partiers, are a smorgasbord of constitutionalist constituents who see our country moving away from their perception of the founding fathers’ vision. Many Americans, who are having trouble making ends meet in our current economic down-turn, get hooked in embracing a set of ideological principles that camouflage their bottom-line needs. Wealthy politicians, in a conscious, deliberate effort to cloud matters, stoke ideological fires as a way of diverting attention from economic class distinctions. The freedom to bear arms under all circumstances will not put money in one's pocket.

Regardless of party affiliation and the supposed values associated with each, it appears that there is a more practical and meaningful way to divide the political electorate. I believe that our citizens of voting age are either conscious in their political understanding or remain unaware of the political process. Those who are conscious voters are politically astute and well-intentioned; those who are unconscious lack insight or are unwilling to become well-informed. A more educated electorate is more likely to fully understand the implications of political decisions. They are better versed on political facts and patterns. Those who are less educated may not be observant of the impact of political decisions on their everyday life experiences. They may not get the big picture and understand ways in which they are vulnerable to political exploitation. Unconscious people are oblivious to how they keep being played by those who possess more power and resources. In other words, those who get the process and how to profit from politics, learn to exploit those who don't.

Our country is being dominated and controlled by the wealthiest Americans. As the richest Americans pocket their windfall from massive tax breaks, and we allow major corporations and Wall Street tycoons to make record profits, a majority of Americans are being collectively duped and left wringing their hands. The electorate that is conscious understands what is happening. With eyes wide open, some of the well-to-do, out of personal and professional greed, use their power to leverage and sabotage those less fortunate. Others, who are conscious political activists, are keenly aware of the greed and are speaking out against it and its impact on the financial future of fellow Americans.

Our less educated and oppressed citizen’s find themselves being trapped and tricked by the corporate power-brokers. They do not understand the game being played, and the rules of engagement. We doled out millions of dollars to rescue banks, and yet were hesitant to provide our own automakers support because of concerns regarding middle-class union wages. Big oil companies have been given carte blanche tax breaks as they parade before Congress and justify record-breaking profits. They can pollute our waters and get away with it without significant recourse. Has our country already forgotten about the Gulf region oil spill? The corporate lobbyists are making sure that we dismiss the catastrophe. The Supreme Court’s ruling has stacked the deck against honest politicians by allowing for unlimited corporate donations to candidates that will foster the cycle of corporate greed. The conglomerate Wal-Mart asserted its power to get away with cheating employees with discriminatory practices as they received the blessing of the Highest Court.

The unconscious electorate had better come to their senses. If they fail to do so, more resources will be stolen from the majority of Americans. Currently, we're quibbling about our debt ceiling, reducing our budget, while we operate two wars and fail to hold the wealthiest corporations and individuals accountable to pay their fair share of taxes. Instead, while congressmen send their kids to private schools and have the best healthcare plans, these conscious, greedy politicians seek to find ways to balance the budget on the backs of educational institutions, Medicare, police protection and other critical services.

It is important that all Americans stand up against those with unlimited money and power who seek to diminish those who don't. We need an electorate who is educated enough to understand how their wallets are being emptied by those who continue to get more financial resources and stuff their pocketbooks. We must get out of party politics and realize that the American dream will only be for the wealthiest few if we afford them the opportunity to continue their exploitation and greed. We need our citizens to be politically conscious and seek to support those in our government who wish to stop the madness of those who prey on the vanishing middle-class. We need to bring harmony to this country again by addressing the saga of a divided electorate.