A Patient Time

Mon, 4 Mar 2013 01:03:57 -0500

A time for waiting,a hibernation
Before we follow through on dreams
Careful planning,with determination
Putting away unfinished schemes

No day or night is ever wasted
Patience builds slowly day by day
The fruit of forbearance is soon tasted
Sweet as honey where we lay

Suddenly we are engaged in life
Our souls’desire reaches out
And wraps its lasso around the moment
Discarding all our useless doubts

The Fire At My Door(Personal Account)

Mon, 4 Mar 2013 01:03:34 -0500

The following is a personal account which took place in January of 2011.My uncle and I were neighbors of a 72 year old handicapped elderly woman.She suffered from multiple conditions which required her to use a quad cane and a walker,and had great difficulty getting up the stairs.We became her Caregivers for five years prior to her death.,after her husband died from kidney failure.We knew both of them for over 25 years.After Israel's death we also became her companions, sat with her several times a week,did some of her shopping,took down her garbage and accompanied her to the movies on occasions.She always showed appreciation for our friendship with cards and letters.We spent every holiday with her for the last five years of her life.Little did we know that her life would end tragically.

The morning of the fire started off as any other day.I called to check on Claudette and offered to pick up some groceries since it was snowing.After dropping off the groceries,she complained that she was cold and was told by the super,after phoning him that he didn't know when the boiler would be repaired.At around 11am I heard my neighbor screaming and ran next door.Her clothes were on fire,and both her front burners were turned on.I ran to get my comforter and told my uncle to call 911.I tried smothering the flames,but it didn't work,neither did throwing two pots of water at her.When the flames spread and the apartment filled up with smoke,I had to leave.I was choking on the smoke.My neighbors' head was bowed by that time,and she was unresponsive.Leaving her in a burning apartment was the hardest thing I ever had to do.The FDNY showed up probably a minute later.She was handicapped due to her arthritis,broken back,polio and neuropathy.She wasn't able to get out of her chair because she was flailing her arms and stomping her feet.I burnt my fingers because I tried to rip the burning top and vest off of her.I suffered second degree burns on my fingers and left foot when my boot must have caught fire.Since I was the only witness, i was interviewed by both fire marshals,and detectives.Both her burners were on to keep warm,Her clothes caught fire as she passed by.The FDNY, put out the fire in less than a half hour.I was taken to the Cornell burn unit where I was treated for smoke inhalation and some second degree burns.My neighbor was pronounced dead at the scene.After the shock wore off came the anger.I questioned the whole unjustness of the situation.Claudette died a horrible death,but the landlord was never held accountable for not providing any heat beginning the previous night.

Despite my best efforts,the fire spread and I was forced to leave the apartment.My neighbor died from smoke inhalation.For the first several weeks,I was still pretty much in shock.I accompanied the family to the funeral parlor to finalize arrangements and also went with them to the city morgue,where they were told that because of the fire my neighbor wasn't "viewable".We were also told that there would have to be a closed casket.I cried that night,remembering how I had warned her not to keep her stove burners on.The first pangs of guilt hit.Why didn't i turn the burners off before I left the apartment? Why didn't I scream for help as soon as I entered her apartment and found her clothes on fire? While waiting for 911 to arrive I tried to do everything myself.I cried also believing that her precious cat Mimi perished as well.

Two days after the fire,while coming home from shopping,we heard this frantic meowing.Mimi was alive and had survived in the burned out apartment without any food or water for two days.We called the 7th precinct and our super opened up the door so we could take Mimi into our apartment.

Because of the autopsy,the wake and funeral were held a week later. The family and I set up pictures all around the casket since it was closed.Several people gave eulogies including myself.I remembered her sense of humor and spoke about how we used to tease each other about our ample stomachs,referring to them as "our alien babies".Although i went to the wake and funeral,I didn't go to the burial at Calverton National Cemetery. I was so physically and mentally exhausted from the ordeal,that I slept an entire day.

For the first three months,I went from feeling numb and in shock to being depressed and angry about the senselessness of my neighbors death..I agonized over the events of that day over and over again and suffered from nightmares the first year after the fire.Guilt and regret followed me for the next two years.During my conversation with a Protestant Minister,he stated that God would give me peace but that I first needed to understand how it worked.I needed first to forgive myself.Unforgiveness according to the Pastor,wasn't useful and kept us from the peace of God's forgiveness.I so wanted to be forgiven for things that i didn't do that day,but I didn't feel this spiritual connection for awhile,because I was so numb.

I have slowly learned to take perfection out of the equation,and realized that no one person would have done things perfectly that day.Anyone in a similar situation could have missed something in the frenzy of the moment.I started to learn to forgive myself a little at a time.

A Souls'Quiet Reflection

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:02:43 -0500

Poised along the waters deep
Beneath the darkened sky
Silent thoughts though once asleep
Appear to wakened eyes

Reflections of a time not lost
Of sorrows,joy and pain
The lifelong lessons and the cost
And loved ones that remain

Kind words spoken years ago
Like diamonds in the night
Gives pause to the searching soul
Awaiting dawning light

The Simplicity Of Grass(Haiku)

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:02:46 -0500

Does it ask much?
Clothed in simple attire
unassuming

How still it is
Slumbering with the earth
While flowers dream

Beckons man and beast
It's fragrant bed
Always ready

Pictures Of Her Past(Tanka)

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 20:02:53 -0500

Pictures of her past
Lovely bright colors
Though dark at one point
As seen through filtered light
And a once darkened mind

Frances Ayers's Open Salon Blog

A Patient Time

The Fire At My Door(Personal Account)

A Souls'Quiet Reflection

The Simplicity Of Grass(Haiku)

Pictures Of Her Past(Tanka)