31wifey's Open Salon Blog

Housewife, underemployed?

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:03:14 -0400

A tele marketer was the first to call me under employed. In today's molasses economy, I suppose I should be scrambling to get a full time job and complain about the lack of work out there like everyone else.

But I'm not interested. Neither are my husband, ten month old, my pet, nor my vegetable and flower gardens demanding a full time employment status of me.

We have crunched the numbers over and over and decided I make more staying at home, teaching a few swim lessons, and basically doing most of everything at home than if worked and we had to pay for extra support around the house.

I don't sit around and watch t.v. all day. In fact, I haven't turned the t.v. on in two weeks. I make food from scratch, which is easier than one thinks. We only have two prepaid phones for our cars. And I air dry our clothes.

Our bills are lower than they've ever been now.

Perhaps our mindset has changed. Our pre-recession mindset was similar to many others, it was more stuff, more experiences, more more more!!!

Post-recession, we've learned to tone down our wants and grow up. Instead of behaving like a child with no impulse control, we've learned to grow up. We budget, wait, and then truly enjoy something when we pay for it.

Most people, like the telemarketer, assume I don't work enough because we either have so much money, or we're in debt up to our eye balls. Neither is true. We make less than 45k a year, but we save. We changed from the mantra "buy, buy, buy" to "use it up, wear it out, make do, do without."

I've heard so many tell us we need a iPhone, Kindle, this, that. What we NEED is food, shelter, some clothes. And really, that's it. Everything else is a bonus.

Yes we may live on one salary, I may be under employed, but we've made it work. We couldn't be happier.

Stress fracture

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:03:22 -0400

18 pounds down, and I can't walk on my left foot.

I went to an orthopedic doctor and he diagnosed a stress fracture. It's lovely wearing a boot all day with a 10 month old. He gave me the catch 22 advice...

I have to lose a significant amount of weight before I can start running or doing higher impact land aerobics. Only low impact. So I guess that means I have to de-chunk with a lot of swimming.

Great.

This news really took me through a loop the past two weeks. I guess the big thing I regret is ever not caring about weight. Or getting mad about the emphasis on thinness so much that I wanted to rebel/fight the system.

I just didn't want to care, and look what happened. How much harder I made life for myself. If I could go back and do anything over...I would have never changed my mentality. I guess I wanted to enjoy life without boundaries. Without limits.

I remember back in 9th grade when I said, "Why does it have to matter? I like to eat, so I'm going to." And it began. My overeating by snacking, having fun, and enjoying food. Too much.

I should have said health was more important, but I made a wrong choice. Now comes the hard part, making the right decisions now. Re-boundary-ing my life.

Boundaries with others is easy. But setting limits for myself was the hardest change I had to make.

At first, it was easy to eat less and workout more. But then, I didn't set a limit to the workout more, and I hurt myself. So I guess there is a balance on both ends!

Anyway, my disorganized post is done for the day. I'll regroup and start again tomorrow.

Happy losing everyone!

New Month, Harder Goals

Thu, 16 Feb 2012 13:02:44 -0500

Last month I lost 8 pounds...so far on track!

I almost wished I had waited for the compete to lose to begin weighing myself...because I've only lost 4 since Jan 19th.

My trainer schooled me last night....we have to eat a NET 1200 a day. I've been not planning well on that, some days my net has only been 500. Probably why I'm feeling sick?

Diet Soda free and I don't miss it anymore! That is a major milestone. I even was able to resist the temptation when my daugther was sick and the stress level was beyond the roof.

Now...Feb is almost over, and I've not lost one pound since Jan. So I have to increase my eating and working out as well. I watched Dr. Oz's program yesterday and it was about eating well, losing weight, and starting to treat yourself well mentally in the beginning of weightloss.

That's probably why it's so hard to me to eat and believe that I deserve a chance at health, or even just a chance to feel pretty for once in my life. It's mental. There's where I keep gaining the weight back after I lose it...mental.

Am I addicted to hating myself? Probably.

So my big goal this month is to start changing the cycle. I'm going to stop hating myself and feeding into that. Dare I say it...I'm going to learn to love myself.

Even as a Christian, I can't not love myself. Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. I hate myself...how can I love my neighbor? (I'm not talking about selfish, self-servitude...healthy balance is what I'm after)

So I'm going to try to start treating myself like I love myself...hoping that will spur some self loving feelings.

Like putting the "good" lotion on, using the "good" tea I've been saving, keeping my house the way I like it instead of trying to keep up with the Joneses.

This month, I'm going to add the hardest goal of all....

I'm going to treat myself the way I want my daughter to grow up treating herself.

So the goals for 1-2 pounds a week are:

1. No Diet Pepsi (and per trainer, no sweet tasting anything)

2. 60-90 min cardio 6x week....per trainer

3. Treat myself the way I want my daughter to treat herself.

It's getting harder!

Fishers Y Compete to lose

Thu, 19 Jan 2012 21:01:57 -0500

I enrolled in the Y's Compete to lose challenge with my favorite personal trainer. At first it was just to get 14 weeks of group personal training at a great price.

Now I have a feeling it's going to change everything about me.

Besides being the heaviest person in the group...I snuck a peek at the weights of the other girls as they were weighing in. Most of them are only in the 130s...seriously? Why are they even there? I almost thought about dropping out.

Until three things happened. First, he told me I could do it. Second, I had a revelatory experience with my fitness pal. Third, this guy next to me on the treadmill said, "Great Work out," as I was getting off the treadmill.

Matt apparently has more faith in me than I do. I was hoping to lose a whopping 28 pounds in this challenge. He thinks by sticking to the program I can melt off 50. 50!!!!!!! I about fell over when I saw that goal weight he put down. His theories make sense...I would guess I'm carrying a good 20 pounds of fluid retention from all the sodium in the diet cokes. Last time I quit them I dropped 75 pounds in one semester at college. I promptly gained it all back when I went back on the "can."

That's when I realized how little I think of myself. I think so lowly of myself I don't even really feel like I deserve to get healthy, or be healthy. What a doosie of a thing to realize on the treadmill. So why was I trying so hard to lose weight? Until I deal with the self hate, I'm really only losing weight for my husband and my daughter.

I really want him to have a wife he can be proud of. Like TOTALLY proud of. Not just because I do things well, but because I look attractive. Because I stay attractive and nice looking, even when I'm ninety.

My daughter just follows me around and lights up when I pick her up or play with her. How can I disappoint her when she's running around and I can't keep up with her. How can I make her feel bad when she sees or realizes how much I hate myself? I remember how much I loved my mom, and to see her suffer with the shame and self hatred cycle in bulimia...it tore me apart. I don't want to do that to her.

So I guess I want to love myself, respect myself, be kind to myself for them.

And right now, that's enough.

In finishing, this challenge is bringing out a whole side of me I didn't realize was there. I think I really did drown my emotions, pains, and anxieties in food. And now that I'm trying to get rid of that "baggage," it's coming out of my heart as well.

I think I have an emergency goal to add.... Deal with emotional upheavals constructively. In lieu of food or soda therapy.

Pilates is cathartic

Mon, 9 Jan 2012 20:01:25 -0500

I started taking some of the free beginner's classes for members at the Y today.

That Pilates class was difficult! In trying to keep my metaphorical coffee cup from spilling, I worked muscles I never knew existed. And I thought I knew a lot from anatomy and EMS. I'd always done Pilates on my dvds at home, not wanting to waste "precious" gym time on a free class. Now I regret that decision. The class with a live instructor was inspiring and educating.

Taking this class was a nice slow down. Sometimes I think I went so fast through my day/week/life that I never even rembered to chew my food. Much less remember the tastes. But something strange happened after that healing class today...I ENJOYED a big glass of water. In all its icy, crisp goodness. Dare I say it...it is getting almost as heavenly tasting as Diet Pepsi. I never thought I'd see the day.

And now I'm sore in muscles so deep, I'm not really sure where to put the Ben Gay. I hope this means my belly will be shrinking in. It would be wonderful to be on this weightloss journey and not be one of the losers who stays fatty looking even when they are in a healthy weight range. I want to be thin AND tight.

And tomorrow, the big weigh in. Lets go pounds...get lost!