2CreativeMamas's Open Salon Blog

A yellow piece of paper...

Thu, 12 Apr 2012 20:04:56 -0400

*sigh* Weeks - actually, more likely months - ago when my beautiful cousin and I decided to start this blog I wrote my first entry on a piece of paper that I have carried around with me since, just waiting to find time to log on and type it out. The yellow piece of paper is now crumpled at the bottom of my purse, not forgotten, not discarded, never ignored, just waiting for the time when my beautiful daughter would be asleep and my wonderful husband would do something, anything, that didn't require my attention as well so that I could pull it from its storage space and finally type it out. And now that time has finally been found and yet I find myself typing something other than what I had intended for my first post.

I am the working mom. For me, finding time to do something that doesn't involve my precious daughter is rare. Although I am sure that every stay at home mom has this same delemia, being a working mom presents me with a signficant challenge, trying to not feel guilty that being a working mom means being an absent mom. This means that when I am not at work, every ounce of attention that I have, no matter how tired I am, no matter my mood, and no matter what else needs to be done, is focused on my daughter. Each day as soon as I leave work, my only thought is to reaching her and spending the few hours I will have with her before her bedtime. This time I spend with her is just as precious to me as the very child herself. I would not trade it for anything. In those few hours I have with her after work, I will take her smiles, her laughter, and even her tantrums as the precious gifts that they are.

This is what I felt like typing tonight.

All we need for more patience is to eat healthier....right??

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:03:23 -0400

Hell no! And foolishly I believed that....until yesterday.

Beauty is teething. She's been teething since she was 3 months old, which hasn't been a challenge until now. Now she's getting her molars, and she is short on patience.....very short.

Yesterday began as any other day: We woke, we played, she "signed" me she was finished and I knew it was time to eat. We went downstairs, I made her yogurt with fruit and all the healthy goodies I hide (tastes like fruit when I'm finished) inside, made a bottle of milk, and we both sat down to eat -I had my smoothie in hand. She drank about 4 ounces of milk, ate maybe 1/4 of her yogurt and she signed she was finished. Ugh.

I worry. I worry too much, I'm sure, but I feel like I *need* to get these vitamins into her body in order for her to be healthy. With my background in holistic nutrition, I know how important food is in keeping us healthy. I suppose that puts a little extra pressure on me. Once your eyes are opened and you have the knowledge, there is no turning it off.

So, she ate a bit, but not much. I tried to get her to eat more by being creative (airplanes and spirals with the spoon), but that only lasts so long. She was finished, and she meant it. Finished. No if's, and's or but's. When Beauty says she's finished, believe her.

Lunch went much the same way. She fought me on the yogurt and the milk, but ate the egg with pleasure. Thank goodness she ate something without giving me grief!

Now, when I tell you Beauty "fought" me about something, I mean she screams, cries, tantrums, smacks my hands away, pinches me, etc. Not to be mean, but because she is frustrated....just like me. We're both frustrated. My Goddess, we are so much alike it's scary!

I read on my Peaceful Parenting Facebook page that if you "meet" her in this power struggle, you're only reinforcing that behavior, so I do my best to keep that tip in the back of my mind while I go through my day.

Anyway, this is how the rest of my day went. She didn't want to eat what I wanted to feed her, she didn't want to lay down as I changed her diaper. She wasn't tolerant of me at all. By the time we were driving home from the park, I was done. DONE. In my head I knew that as soon as I got home, I was handing Beauty to my husband and running upstairs to be by myself. And that is exactly what I did. Well, after I stuffed Terra Chips in my face. ;)

No, it's not all about what I, or any other caregiver, eats. Somedays, no matter how hard we try, our patience wear thin, and we need a break.

I needed a break. We all need breaks. All of us. This is why when we go to work outside the home, we get breaks and days off. If we didn't, we would end up hating our beloved career. My chiropractor once said to me, "Colleen, I love my job, but if I didn't get a break, I would end up hating it."

No, I don't "hate" mothering. I love mothering my Beauty. I "hate" when I feel short tempered or frustrated. I "hate" when I take out my frustrations on my innocent daughter.

Yesterday I learned for the gazillionth time that I need a break everyday -even if I feel great. And I deserve that break. As do we all. :)

Eat your healthy food, and give yourself a much deserved, and much needed break. Love yourself first, and loving everyone else will come so much easier.

Sunshine & kisses, Colleen

P.S. I'm going to the spa on Sunday for foot reflexology, and I am so excited! I'm going to do a treatment ($40 and under) once a week...for me. Because I'm worth it, and so is my Beauty. Yay!

A Healthy Mama is a Happy Mama

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:03:22 -0400

It's 64 degrees and sunny as hell, and we're doing our usual routine; we're at the beach. Yay!

This weather makes me feel soooo good, and soooo happy! Of course, it doesn't make me feel any less tired, but hey, I'll take feeling excited for life any ol' day.

I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and notice the calm I feel inside. I love it. I love feeling calm and peaceful.

So, I've started eating healthier (for the bazillionth time, but who cares, right?!). It's week three without refined sugars of any kind. In fact, the only refined or processed anything I've had was a big hunk, and I mean BIG HUNK of fresh italian bread at my parents' house last Sunday. Hey, three weeks and the only processed thing I've eaten is a piece, okay, a HUGE piece of italian bread, so I'm doing awesome! Go me! WOOHOO!!

For the first week I ate only raw food. And no, this does not mean I ate raw meat or eggs....yuck! It means I ate nuts, seeds, veggies and fruits....all raw. You'd be amazed at how many delicious meals you can create with only those items, plus spices and olive oil.

The second week I added in some grilled chicken and eggs because my body was craving it due to my period being on it's way. I tend to crave meat, sometimes specifically red meat, right before my period, and rather than be as extreme as I once had been about my eating, I heeded my bodies calling for meat. And guess what?! This was the first time I've been able to stay on-course while having my period! Even with eating a BIG HUNK of fresh, did I mention it was FRESH, Italian bread. Guess I need to listen to my body more often, and listen to my mind less, which is what I teach, but do I always listen? Hahahahahaha, no. :)

Week #3 is this week, and my husband and I have decided to drink smoothies all week, with the exception of my eating 2 hard boiled eggs around lunchtime each day. Again, listening to my body, I need the boost of straight protein to get me through the day. The smoothies have organic rice milk, almond milk, organic, raw cashews (when blended well they make a great creamy base!), organic raw greens powder, spirulina, organic flax meal, organic chia seed powder, organic, raw cacao powder, and organic fruit (I mix some berries with cherries, and I love it!). Awesome. It tastes yummy (trust me, I wouldn't eat it if it didn't taste good), fills me, and leaves me feeling satiated and balanced.

When I say "balanced", I mean it doesn't leave me craving anything. For me, if I eat the wrong amount of protein (too much or too little), I crave sweets. If I eat too much junk, I crave veggies. If I eat too much sugar, I crave protein. And so on. Our bodies just work that way, and I'm lucky enough to have learned how to slow down enough to listen to my body's signals.

I feel balanced. My hormones are balanced. I am happier, more content, feeling peaceful more often. Normally during my Cycle, I have bad PMS (less patience, bursts of anger, sometimes feelings of rage). This month went by smoothly. In fact, it was so smooth that I was surprised when my Cycle began.

What does this all have to do with being a Mama, you ask? A lot. In three weeks, I haven't lost my patience with my lil Beauty but once. One time. And that was yesterday morning when she refused to eat her yogurt with all the vitamins I add to it. It was my fault, though. It was my thoughts that got in the way and made me lose my patience easier. In my head I thought, "oh God, she won't be healthy if she doesn't get all the vitamins she needs (omega-3 fish oil, daily vitamin, greens powder). SHE WON'T BE HEALTHY!" I freaked myself out. Chill Mama, chill.

Anywho, I am a better mama for my Beauty. I'm more tolerant, have more energy, more patience. I'm happier, more active, and just more fun to be around. My Beauty is already a strong-willed lil lady, so I need to be extremely patient and very, very creative with my mothering. Having my hormones jumping all over the place will NOT put me in the mental place I need to be.

Taking care of myself, it turns out, also means I'm taking care of my beautiful baby girl. I love this shit!

Have a beautiful day!

Love & Kisses, Colleen

Wonderful Wednesday...

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:03:52 -0400

It's Wednesday, and we're at the beach while my Beauty naps. The weather is absolutely incredible! It's about 50 degrees and the sun is shining so happily with not a cloud in the bright blue sky.

I knew it was a beautiful day when I opened my eyes this morning. And as soon as my pretend-closed eyes got me a sweet little kiss from my daughter (she learned that she can *magically* open my eyes with a kiss), the day was already simply....wonderful.

We're co-sleepers....sometimes. My husband and I start out with Beauty in the crib, but when she awakens a few hours later, we bring her into our bed. She loves it there, and honestly, I kind of love it too. Sure, I need my space sometimes, *and*, there is nothing in the world like a baby snuggling up close to your body, her leg tossed up on your side, her hands searching for the warmest spot on your body, her head cozied in the crevis of your arm, her soft angelic face laying peacefully on the top of your breast. Nothing. In. The. World. :) And when she wakes up in the morning, you get kisses. I smile just thinking about it.

No, not every night is like this, but most nights it is. Beauty sleeping in my arms just feels like this is the way it should be...for us. :)

Mama's tired today. I'm thinking it's because of the BAG of blueberries that fell into the blender this morning as I made my smoothie, dammit. My period is on it's way, too, and sleep is what's on my mind. After every few sentences I write, I close my eyes, hearing only the waves and the wind, and it feels so....right. I love these moments. These are *my* moments, my "me time." Every parent/caregiver needs some "me time." Without it, we will undoubtedly crash & burn. If I don't care for myself, I'm not as good a mother to Beauty. And she deserves a healthy (mind, body, spirit) mama.

My "Mama's Helper" is coming today; perfect timing! I'm in much need of a break, so I look forward to these days. Most days I don't get a break (except when I'm sitting in the car while she naps), so having my Mother's Helper come is like Christmas for me! I am free to do or not do anything I choose. If I need a nap, I rest upstairs in bed. if I want to run out to the store, I do it sans diaper bag, stroller, etc. It's gives me a true feeling of freedom. Oh, how I love the feeling of freedom!

Lately, I'm in much need of a break by dinner time. My daughter turned 1 and I swear someone hit a switch, because she suddenly changed, just. like. that. She decided she didn't like turkey, which she used to love. She now doesn't enjoy eating most the foods she was eating previous to turning one. Getting her to eat anything other than fruit has become a chore. If I'm not careful, it becomes a battle between myself, at age 37, and Beauty, at age 1. I tend to become easily frustrated because I don't know what else to feed her that is healthy. I try all different veggies, beans, meats, and so far I'm losing the battle. Well, she does love her eggs! Okay, so she likes eggs, Ezekiel muffins, and fruit. Crap. No, she doesn't like crap, I was just saying "crap" because I feel like I'm in for it with this little wonder.

*And a smile comes across my face* I think I worry too much at times.

Let's Rewind...

Fri, 16 Mar 2012 17:03:32 -0400

It's Monday. My husband is back at work, and the baby and I are doing our usual Monday thing: 1-1/2 hr. nap in the car, then food shopping at Trader Joe's, and lunch and more food shopping at Whole Foods. I really do enjoy our Monday together. I actually look forward to sharing lunch at Whole Foods. Yes, as I said, I like our Mondays. :)

In regards to my last post, my husband was sweet enough to remind me that one: he was given "semen," just not "sperm." So, correcting my sentence, "God gave me the man of my dreams but forgot to add SPERM." Thanks Lovie. (add just a tad or sarcasm to that last sentence. hehe) And second: my neurosis did not begin when we conceived our daughter, rather, THAT particular neurosis began at the moment of conception. Again, thanks Babe. Thanks for reminding me that neurosis pops up all over my life. (I'm laughing to myself because he's actually right.) Yup, I tend to be quite neurotic at times.

*deep breath*

So, right now as my baby girl naps in her carseat, I'm sitting at the beach, Jeep running (yes, I'm inside the Jeep with her), soaking up the beautiful rays of sunshine, getting my vitamin D, and listening to nothing but the occasional sigh from the backseat and the waves crashing in on shore. Oh, and the seagulls. :)

Let's rewind once again, so I can bring you back to the beginning of my pregnancy....

The pregnancy of a SAHM (stay at home mama)

As I mentioned in my first post, I quit my job in the corporate world, and started working for myself, which I LOVE! During my pregnancy I didn't work at all -not even one client. I was so deep into this miracle pregnancy that I wanted to focus solely on the beautiful baby growing inside of me.

Now, as I read the above paragraph, I had feelings of sugarplum fairies dancing in my soul, but it wasn't all that....at all in the beginning. Although I was lucky enough to stay home and focus on myself, going the IVF route can be torture. From the very beginning, you are involved in every. single. detail. First I needed to go to several different doctors and get a "clean bill of health." Then, when all cleared, they put me on medications to keep me from ovulating, they give me meds to grow my lovely eggs, then more meds to force me to ovulate those perfectly lovely eggs. It's crazy, really. Tests, waiting, medicine, more tests, more waiting, more medicine, more waiting. Skip a bunch of stuff I don't even want to waste your time making you read, and then we have the egg retrieval procedure, fertilize my eggs with sperm (we had hundreds!!), and then we wait.....

The waiting sucks! My mind went crazy for those next 10-12 days. Damn, think about it: 12 DAYS to think!!! That's a whole lotta minutes to think. things. to. death. And so I did.

I went in for my pregnancy test, and waited till they called that afternoon. My results were positive. No, no exclamation point after that sentence because my numbers were a mere "12". Most women who go through IVF get results in the 100's. Nope, not me, 12. TWELVE. Another laughable moment in my life.

My doctor said he was "positively optimistic". Ugh. I hate those words. So, there I sat at my kitchen table as my husband told me, and I was numb. I wasn't happy nor sad, just numb. We waited another two days and went in again to have my numbers tested. This time they more than doubled! Excellent! I was getting happy. Not too happy, because I had lost one baby via miscarriage, so I was remaining hopeful, yet, very conservative (man, I am so not conservative!) with my feelings.

These "numbers" I speak of need to double every 48 hours, so every 2 days I went back to give blood so we can see how my pregnancy was moving along, or not moving along. My numbers went sky high! This baby wanted to be part of our lives! She made sure she kept us on our toes, but she was staying. Yay! As soon as my numbers were in the 240's, we had our ultrasound to see the lil bean. Oh, she was beautiful! And growing perfectly!

After a few weeks it was time for the ultrasound to detect a heartbeat. This was huge. So many IVF "successes" stop here. No one knows why, but they get this far and then there is no heartbeat. It's heart wrenching. My husband, for the first and last time during my pregnancy, was unable to come with me to the appointment. I was scared to death, and now I had to do it alone. I stressed like a crazy woman before the ultrasound, weeks before, and now I was "convinced" my craziness stopped my baby from growing and I wouldn't hear a heartbeat.

I laid there quiet as a mouse, as scared as I have ever been in my entire life, and I waited to hear it. At first I saw some squiggly lines on the monitor, hearing nothing, and I thought it might be a heartbeat, but I wasn't sure, so I remained calm. Soon, which seemed like an eternity, the doctor turned the volume way up high and said "this is your baby's heartbeat." And I burst into tears. I laid there in all my glory, with 2 doctors and a nurse watching, and I cried hysterically.

I had a baby with a perfect, beautiful, strong and healthy heartbeat (my eyes are tearing-up now). I was going to be a mama. Finally. Thank God.

Much of my pregnancy was spent doing what my body needed me to do. When I needed rest, I rested. When I felt energetic (ha!), I took walks. I did lots of deep breathing, lots of stress-relieving activities, and I kept away from the news, and tv shows/movies that weren't uplifting (ok, so the occasional episode of one of those CSI-like shows snuck in there, but mostly I watched happy shows).

I went to the beach just about everyday. I would sit in my car, roll down the window, pull my shirt above my belly and give my beautiful bump some vitamin D. I really did my best to keep myself in good spirits, so my baby would get all those "feel good" hormones. :) Oh, and I ate really well! Between my background in holistic healing, which taught me that food can either be our medicine or our poison, and the books I devoured about having a "green" pregnancy, and of course the Dr. Oz pregnancy book, I was well stocked in knowledge. And since I had the next 10 months to devote to myself and my unborn baby, I was set.

Those 10 months were spent keeping myself, and in turn my baby, relaxed, peaceful, calm and healthy; mind, body, spirit. Both my husband and myself made sure I was fed organically grown, nutrient dense whole foods....99% of the time. I ate my 100 grams of protein a day, and consumed all the other nutrients I needed, like calcium. Oh, and hey, I didn't even have to drink dairy to get it! Oh, and don't be fooled by that 99%,, there were plenty o' occasions when I just had to have my pizza; just not all the time.

I loved being pregnant. I loved being able to sleep as long as I needed to and wake when my body felt it was well-rested. Sometimes I would lay there and know my Eesie (that's what I call Elise) had already been awake and getting ready for work since 5 am. It was at those moments I thanked God I was able to stay home. I don't know how she did it?! I knew how my body felt on certain days, and I just cringed at the thought that Elise had to force herself to get up and go to work. I felt like the most blessed woman alive. In fact, I think I was. :)

Aside from all the peaches and cream I talk about above, there were also a nice mix of stressful situations tossed into my pregnancy. I could go into every detail, but I won't. But I will tell you, my adoring reader, that throughout my pregnancy, in the back of my mind, I was constantly scared to death that God would take my baby....because.....I actually didn't deserve her.

Feeling "not good enough" or like I don't deserve good things has been and ugly monster in my life since I was a teenager. And now, it was creeping itself into my pregnancy. I had to force myself to buy something -just one thing- each week beginning at week #10, just to try kind of challenge the superstition that everyone feels necessary to share with you: Never buy anything or prepare for your baby until AFTER it's born. Everyday I fought that monster and the "you don't deserve this baby" monster with positive affirmations, deep breathing exercises and listening to people who love me tell me I *do* deserve this child growing in my belly.

You know, come to think of it, I wouldn't even allow Eesie to congratulate me or celebrate my pregnancy at all, which she had been a part of from the very beginning. Hell, she's been a part of every aspect of my life since she was born! Anyway, hey, Eesie, I think it's time to celebrate my pregnancy!!

Peaches & cream, and visions of sugarplum fairies dancing in my spirit, with the occasional banana peel to slip on (like my back going "bye bye" at 11-1/2 wks, leaving me unable to walk without pain or assistance for the entire pregnancy) tossed in there best describes my pregnancy. I was just so grateful to be pregnant and to be home caring for myself and the miracle I was so blessed to be growing inside of me. :)

I had the best pregnancy ever. I am so blessed.