KHARTOUM - Radio Sudan announced on Women's Day that it is in negotiations to bring Rush Limbaugh onto Sudan airwaves. 

"We believe we are close to signing Mr. Limbaugh," said Noh Mahn, director of Radio Sudan (The Voice U Can Trust). 

"He is a good fit with our culture here in Sudan as his comments on woman prove.  He will be A-1 broadcaster here," said Noh Mahn. 

"Mr. Limbaugh has free rein to say what he wants about women here and he will not be criticized. Like him, we believe women who use birth control are sluts," said Noh Mahn. 

"In fact, we plan a new segment just for Mr. Limbaugh. It is called 'Slut Callout.' Every morning, first thing, Mr. Limbaugh will call out all women who are sluts in Sudan. This is community service," said Noh Mahn. "This way all men of Sudan know who is slut." 

In addition to the morning Slut Callout, Limbaugh will give updates on the hour and half-hour. 

Asked who would determine names on the callout list, Noh Mahn said, "This is easy. Men will call in on Slut Call-In Line and say who is slut. Say a woman wears slacks, she is a slut and any man may call in and give her name. If she changes into burqa, she is not slut, and we will update and say she is no longer a slut. This is, how you say, equitable?" 

Radio Sudan also will add a birth control service to its community outreach program. Limbaugh will head it and travel to villages in the countryside distributing aspirin for women to hold between their knees. 

"For women taking birth control in Sudan, video-cams will be distributed with pills, condoms, and other forms of birth control, so they can then film themselves being sluts for the enjoyment of Mr. Limbaugh and the men of Sudan," said Noh Mahn. "Since Internet is not available to all in Sudan, TV Sudan will broadcast the Slut Hour each week, showing films selected by Mr. Limbaugh, who we believe is expert in sluts and porn."