WASHINGTON - Mitt Romney unveiled Friday a chain of hair salons that will cater exclusively to the gay and lesbian community in an effort to show there are no hard feelings after it was revealed that he hunted down a… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - It started with a kiss.

The first message out of Beijing stated that blind activist Chen Guangcheng, holed up in the American embassy, wanted to kiss Hillary Clinton.

The second message said that he actually wanted to meet her.

The… Read full post »

www.zingedxz.com - The Secret Service today circulated a protocol for the acquisition of sexual services and companionship while on assignment to avoid recurrences of the Columbia incident when a dispute over payment led to the revelation of an orgy.

"In an effort to bring everyone up to… Read full post »

By Seamus

Special to ZingedxZ.com

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION - I taught Mittens everything he knows. Well, let's just say I tried to teach him.

Sure, Ann taught him a few commands such as heel, the way she got him to come back from Europe while he was doing… Read full post »

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WASHINGTON - Advances in security technologies are securing marriages across the country, making it possible for honest people to be even more honest, according to GPS manufacturers and their customers who are monitoring one another.

Global positioning systems (GPS) that use satellit… Read full post »

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WASHINGTON - The Republican majority on the Supreme Court Monday ruled that if you're arrested, even for a minor offense, the cops can make you strip and expose your genitals for inspection, all  in the name of protecting the arresting authorities.

We are not making this up.

The… Read full post »

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WASHINGTON - The highest court in the land originally was supposed to consider the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act last week. However, led by Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, the court diverted itself and instead took up the issue of whether the federal government can r… Read full post »

KINGDOM COME - The biggest surprise in the U.S. college basketball tournament that opened over the weekend did not happen on a basketball court. For those whose brackets were wrecked by two huge upsets, none fared worst than the Almighty.

 As is customary, God and Satan met Sunday night to… Read full post »

NEW YORK - A remarkable nocturnal meeting shortly after Mitt Romney's defeat in Alabama and Mississippi primaries Tuesday is causing the front runner to reassess his presidential campaign.

As defeat became imminent Tuesday night, Romney sought solitude on the top deck of a parking garage. There, lea… Read full post »

ID - Captain Penis and Princess Vagina Sunday concluded a frank and open exchange of viewpoints in an effort to reach a cease fire agreement in the war of the sexes.

"We are hopeful that the two sides can reach an understanding to co-exist in a degree of harmony, maybe even… Read full post »

KHARTOUM - Radio Sudan announced on Women's Day that it is in negotiations to bring Rush Limbaugh onto Sudan airwaves. 

"We believe we are close to signing Mr. Limbaugh," said Noh Mahn, director of Radio Sudan (The Voice U Can Trust). 

"He is a good fit with our culture here… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - The United Nations will honor a U.S. request to launch an intervention aimed at settling senseless strife that could tip the world into widespread armed conflict by sponsoring a broad set of solutions to reduce partisanship on Capitol Hill. 

"In a preemptive move, the UN has drawn… Read full post »

BOSTON - Those waiting for GOP presidential candidate Romney to step forward got their wish on Super Tuesday...only it was Cadillac Ann Romney (CAR) who stepped into the spotlight while her underperforming husband took the spouse position, smiling behind her on the podium.

“Do you know what wom… Read full post »

DETROIT - GOP presidential contender Rick Sanitorium received a mysterious visit Tuesday after urging his supporters on to Super Tuesday primaries in 10 states. 

As the candidate slumped, head in hands, in the darkness of the Celestial Suite at Holiday Inn's downtown Detroit location, a light e… Read full post »

NEW YORK - The world for most will end not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a crunch and a slurp from snack foods provided by U.S. companies, it was revealed Tuesday. 

Between the growing global consumption of sugary drinks and salty snacks, the health of billions… Read full post »

SPACESHIP EARTH - Once upon a time, there was an immense and prosperous estate on Spaceship Earth as it sped to its date with oblivion.

A red rooster, ummm, strike that it's a little too socialist. A rooster of mixed colors oversaw this farm at a critical time in its… Read full post »

DETROIT - Mitt Romney's campaign team is using a line from Harry Potter and bringing in a North Korean propagandist in a desperate attempt to dam the daily stream of gaffes and flubs that are disrupting the quest for the presidency. 

"Our hair's on fire. If the other candidates hadn't… Read full post »

NEW YORK - Baseball's MVP Ryan Braun Thursday dodged a 50-game suspension for elevated testosterone levels because his urine sample was stored in a residential refrigerator over a weekend.

The decision to reverse Major League's Baseball suspension of the star outfielder was made by independent arbitr… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - GOP presidential contender Newt Gingrich, the cheerful candidate, Thursday proposed a viable plan to construct a death star, an initiative he says will power shift the economy into overdrive and allow the U.S. to extend its Manifest Destiny policy over the universe.

"The $8.5 q… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - The war of the sexes escalated on Wednesday when the all-powerful XX Chromosome Congressional Caucus introduced fast-track legislation that will require men to watch videos that graphically portray the consequences of heterosexual activity at great length.

 Passage of the legislati… Read full post »

MOSCOW - Russian leader Vladimir Putin Friday vowed to bring down US President Barack Obama by any means necessary, charging America's leader with interfering in his country's March 4 presidential election. 

Putin threatened to undertake highly unusual measures - including e… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - Faced with the sobering prospect of elections in less than nine months, GOP congressmen are transforming themselves from the "Party of No," to the party of absenteeism...maybe...perhaps... busi-ness as usual...whatever. 

The turnabout comes as House Republicans lined up in bip… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney Saturday met with top Republican leaders in a frank and open exchange of views in an effort to kick start the front-runner's presidential campaign.

 "Look guys. You're killing me. I need the Tea Party's support so that we can start building a… Read full post »

WASHINGTON - Desperate for an issue that will win it some votes in November, the Republican Party united itself against birth control late Wednesday. 

The fire storm that swept the GOP started with attacking mandatory birth control health benefits as an infringement on religious rights. However… Read full post »