Now I used to hug a tree as well as any other tree hugging naturalist and conservationalist, but today I discovered something shocking.
AJ Calhoun told me yesterday that trees are having sex all over the place and that is why we are all wheezing and cacking like chickens.
I believed that he was just being figurative or allegorical.
But today, I took a journey to have my horse re shoed at my favorite blacksmith, Les Schwab. Les does not even make me get off the horse. He just fixes the shoe right away and does not charge me a pence!
And what did I find during my journey?
Naked trees, cavorting in public with trees that came straight from the brothels!
Fig. 1 In broad daylight, the Albuquerquian Stud Tree displays a fine set of testicles and is nude!
Look, I say, at these hussies! They parade themselves around, wiggling their branch-cleavage and shaking their blossoms every time a brisk wind stirs up!!!
Fig. 2 The testicles are viewed under magnification, which somehow does not magnify much.
And look at these itinerant sperm trees! They idle along the streets all day and night, dressed up, puffing oxygen, and looking for dates, yet they live without any visible means of support!
Fig. 3 This is the sperm of the Albuquerquian Stud Tree, magnified 1000 times!
IF YOU ARE AS OUTRAGED AS YOU SHOULD BE, SUPPORT OUR CAUSE. VISIT THE OFFICIAL "I HATE TREE SPERM" FACEBOOK PAGE AND LEND YOUR SUPPORT BY LIKING IT.*
*This is a real page that was not made up by me! It showed up on Google Search!
**Warning: The I Hate TREE Sperm page has a very sexually graphic photo. Control yourself in the interest of science, please.
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
nilesite
Brie aka Barbara K
Gerald Andersen
Brazen Princess
Ben Sen
Alan Nothnagle
Salon.com
Comments
;-)
"Yeah, it's true. Humans inhale what we excrete. Sick, isn't it."
Lemonpulp: How does one sneeze backward and forward for seven minutes?
Dr. Stuart: The bees suffered from the "perfect storm" of three viruses that nuked their ribosomes, which are in the Bee Gut. The ribosomes were the immune system. The theory is that the remaining bees have a natural protection against these viruses, because the death rate is slowing.
For your Avocado tree, hand pollinate with q-tips. Collect the pollen when the male flower is open, then gently apply it when the female opens.
Abrawang: I am stealing that for my next confrontation with my Allergy Immunology Darth Doctor! ha ha!
Peeling An Orange: OS After Dark is one sick place, i'nt it?
You said: ""For your Avocado tree, hand pollinate with q-tips. Collect the pollen when the male flower is open, then gently apply it when the female opens.""
I swear girl, you get more kinky every day!! How would you like getting "pollinated" by a Q-Tip??!! Sheesh! You 'Merikhans is always up to sumthin'...!
There must be something in the air down there in California...... OH!!..... That was your point, wasn't it........
;-)
.
Uh oh...it's the nightly conniption fit. Little devils are tickling the back of my throat and getting up takes as much out of me as an entire yoga class. And I dont even do yoga! See ya manana~
Good post, too. I wonder what those trees get up to when we're not peeking.
Huzzah!
Hey, wait! This is TINK'S laptop!!!!!
They parade themselves around, wiggling their branch-cleavage and shaking their blossoms every time a brisk wind stirs up!!!
yes they do and like Lemonpulp I be sneezing.. and not sperm either hahaha
HUGGGGGGGGGG
And you are all so moral! See, right wingers? We do have morals even when it comes to our porn and wanton sex!
JMac
I'm beggin' for a shot and Darth Doctor is telling me "You're not getting a shot!".