My mother has been through a terrible week. Her male friend's caregiver took a vacation and asked his neighbor to take care of him. My mom volunteered to check in on him every evening for an hour.
She began going over there three or four times a day and by the end of the week she had almost taken over his care. She bonded with the caregiver and helped her. My mother is a dynamo who gives until it hurts and she is exhausted now.
I have to just stand back and let her do this. She is 93 and this is the third boyfriend I have seen her try to control. She wants to clean them all up, dress them in leisure suits and feed them. My dad and her other boyfriend loved all this care but this fellow is not keen on it. He does not want to be her baby.
The substitute caregiver was a 'neat as a pin' contol freak too. Between the two of them the guy just caved. He would not shower or change his clothes and he balked at them knowing how his bowel movements were going. He ate their food but refused to go anywhere with them. He has now told his regular caregiver that he doesnt ever want to see the substitute caregiver again which is tricky since she is his neighbor.
She probably got three hundred dollars for caring for him and offered to share it with my mom. Ever the martyr, my mom refused the money but she is so sad that her male friend did not like this nice lady. She cooked and cleaned for him. He is still interested in being friends with my mom but she has always been wary of getting too involved.
This fellow is sexy. He loved his wife and wanted to kiss and be in bed with her even when she was a bed patient. The caregiver nipped that right in the bud. He was to be clean and neat and stay in the living room while she was there. He has since tried to be a little sexy with my mom and altho she loves the attention she only allows him a small kiss on the cheek when she leaves after visiting him.
I think she is confused. She worked so hard last week giving him the kind of care she is so famous for. My dad and her other boyfriend loved that polished control and surrendered to her ways. But this fellow isn't interested in her cleanliness. He thinks women are hot. She does not understand that. She just does not understand it.
I wish I could help her but it is not my journey. I wish I could say that it is ok to be sexy with a guy even in your nineties but it is not my place to make her change her ways. I can only help her with her exhaustion and nod my head. "He isn't interested in things like cleaning." I say. What I want to say is that he is interested in saxophone music, passion, love and sex. I can't say that.