Yawp's Yip Yaps


San Francisco, California, USA
October 18
Teacher, writer, photographer, baby mama, mix CD maker--not necessarily in that order.


DECEMBER 13, 2014 12:13AM

Turning the Page

I’m white. I’m middle class. I’m gay. I’m a parent of a five-year old white girl.

All of these factors mean something and nothing when I feel the rage and sadness rise in me about how there is no trial, there will be no trial, for police officers who killed blackRead full post »

OCTOBER 20, 2012 2:04AM

Riding the Snake: Effexor Effects



When Jim Morrison would go on psychedelic trips, he called it “riding the snake.” Though I have not been indulging in hallucinogens of late, I have been playing bucking bronco with my own serpent: Effexor. I share this account, not to bitch out… Read full post »

JULY 26, 2012 2:32PM

Apocalypse Soon?

I am officially terrified. I have been intermittently afraid for quite awhile, but now my fear is more or less unrelenting.

Ice sheets melting? Mad gunmen at the movies? Earthquakes, drought, floods, and tornadoes everywhere? And that’s just the beginning.

These things are news, but no news:… Read full post »


We’re broke, like most of the 99% these days. We have a house we couldn’t sell before moving to Californiawhich we rented out until a sociopath squatted there for almost a year until we evicted her. That adventure drained our savings and left us borrowing money f… Read full post »
"The terrible twos" isn't really much different than all other stages: the kid is going through something in order to become a funcitonal human and the parents have to deal with the fall-out without fucking it up too badly.

What is different is the strange melange of language, emotion, and emergent pe…

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JANUARY 4, 2012 3:04PM

DSM-IV: Toddlerhood

Let’s face it—toddlers are crazy. They exhibit behaviors that would get adults committed. The DSM-IV confirms that toddlers are certifiable.

Anxiety : “…inappropriate anxiety is when a person's heart races, breathing increases, and muscles tense without any reason for themRead full post »
OCTOBER 29, 2011 1:09AM

"Beware the Croup" and Other Wormholes


Baby has the croup, which one might think was trounced back in, say, 1818 or so. But, no--the croup is alive and well and seems to be taking one child after another in its clammy chokehold. Currently, Baby, who is almost two, sounds like a three-pack-a-day hamster. She can ba/…

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AUGUST 19, 2011 2:33PM

Parent Politician


Much of my time as a parent is spent carefully crafting my next sentence for possible tantrum prevention. It goes something like this:

Baby, at 8:30 right before leaving for daycare: "Bubbles outside."

Pause, wait for "No," "Not right now," and "Are you kidding me wi… Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 10, 2011 10:49PM

Quicksand Quitter

Every morning the drive to work was like a slow squeezing into someone else’s skin. I walked around in that skin all day, sometimes holding myself up on the wall when the dizziness and fatigue were at their worst and no one was looking. People who loved me told me toRead full post »

The lease had expired. She hadn’t paid rent in months, yet she continued to run a day care out of our home in Chicago, so she was making money. She claimed she would leave, but didn’t. She became my nemesis: The Squatter.

Four years ago, we left Chicago to come… Read full post »

“Utha Tessie,” says baby, now 18 months old. Then she bends over and farts. “Toots.”
Amazingly, I know what she’s talking about. “Yes, that’s our other kitty. And you tooted.”
Sometimes, I’m not so lucky:
“Mommy, agua no-no utha beeb.&rd… Read full post »
APRIL 18, 2011 6:40PM

Tyrant Tantrums


Napoleon used to throw his shoes and stomp on his hat when things didn’t go his way. He was short and in charge, much like my toddler. 

Well, she’s not officially in charge. But that’s how tyrants work their magic. They let someone else think he’s in charge and then attem… Read full post »
MARCH 6, 2011 11:46PM

Talking Toys: What They Should Say


I don't know if ears can actually bleed without the eardrum being punctured, but my best guess is yes, yes they can. I think the flow usually begins when a toddler's finger connects with a toy's button over and over again without ceasing so that the demented babble is indelibly impress… Read full post »
I've seen it before: a toddler at her own birthday party, unwrapping presents. The adults are focused on what's inside the package (or on their watches, because presents means it's almost time to go). The toddler, however, is focused on the ribbon, the paper, the box, and anything else that is…

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JANUARY 26, 2011 11:22PM

3 A.M. Sneezing


Some of my worst moments come upon the slow-waking realization of Baby crying. There's the murmuring, whimpery cry, still very close to the fabric of sleep. My muscles tense, but my breathing is still slow. She may still return to slumber. If the crying is punctuated by a sharp/…

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Professor Alan Gribben opened a door that has been long locked: the editing of others' works to remove offensive content.







In light of the n-word’s impact and censorship of the book, Professor Alan Gribben decided to take out every instaRead full post »

"What good did this do me?" I slurred as I tore off my black garter.

What good, indeed? I was drunk on New Years Eve, 19 years old, in my college apartment. I spent many a New Years Eve having grand old times cavorting and frolicking as young people do. For reasons…

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DECEMBER 23, 2010 9:44PM

Christmas and I are in a Fight

Everyone keeps telling me that having a baby at Christmas makes it even more special. Perhaps when she is able to do more than put tree needles in her mouth and pull the ornaments of the tree, this will be true. I have always been a bit of a curmudgeon around…

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I always said "Thank you," but I didn't always mean it (i.e. socks). There. I said it (now I love getting socks).

Everyone knows there are some Christmas presents that are far superior to others. As a kid, there were certain presents that took on legendary status. They were so completely awesome,Read full post »
10. She can eat whatever she wants. Literally. Tofu, cat whiskers, garbanzo beans, paper...anything.

9. The little things--her shampoo doesn't sting her eyes, she doesn't pay bills, someone cuts her toenails for her for free, etc.

8. Faces light up upon mere sight of her. 

7. Having only a few teetRead full post »

Before having Baby I watched as friends ramped up for their child's first birthday. Cakes were made in interesting shapes. Plates, cups, and candles were purchased to match. Goody bags were constructed. Games were planned. Cute invitations were designed and sent well in advance.

Do not let the passiv… Read full post »

OCTOBER 29, 2010 11:07PM

(Un)Fair Game

I haven't clocked her, but I think Baby can crawl abnormally fast. It's not cheetah fast, but I am fairly sure that a mathematician could construct a proportionate calculus problem that would show that she is impossibly quick for an infant.

One would think that being able to walk would allow me…

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OCTOBER 23, 2010 10:28PM

That Packing Tape Ain't Gonna Save You

Dear Unconscious Mind,

 Listen, I really appreciate the dreams a few years ago where I am being circled by a shark and then, during the course of therapy, the shark turned into killer whales and then dolphins. That was cool.

 I'm wondering, though, why in that recent dream with the unknown… Read full post »

OCTOBER 13, 2010 12:02AM

Into the Light

Imagine sitting  a quarter mile underground for over two months with 32 others in the dark.

Now that the first Chilean miner has been extracted from the collapsed mine, I am sure we will soon learn the many versions of existence in the depths. Until then, I can't help but wonder.… Read full post »

The idea of the zoo makes me happy. I can see all kinds of animals that I will probably never have the chance to see in the wild. Hopefully, it inspires people to protect these amazing creatures and the places they live. Perhaps some of the animals were rescued, or are/…

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