Last week you entered my home, uninvited, while my family slept, unaware of your intrusion.  In your search to fund your addiction, you helped yourself to my most personal items.  I really enjoyed waking up that morning and playing Marco Polo with my missing purse, which, by the way, is rather uncommon and will bring you many compliments, should you continue to carry it around the way you did last weekend.  However, I suggest you consider losing it, if you haven’t already.  Hot pink is hard to miss, and I hear it really pops on surveillance video. 

You didn’t travel far before using my debit card.  That was probably due to the paltry amount of cash you found in my wallet.  I work for senior citizens, and, since I choose not to rob them, I don’t charge them much for the services I offer.  Therefore, I never have a lot of cash on hand.  I can imagine your reaction upon seeing the bulky appearance of that new wallet of mine.  I would have thought I’d hit the mother lode, myself.  It sucks how looks can be deceiving, I know.  Better luck next time, I guess.

Things have not been boring since you were here.  My time has been spent trying to undo the damage you’ve done.  It takes a little while to remember what all the keys on a key ring unlock, but I think I got it.  By the way, having a car re-keyed is pricey, but perhaps worth not going to bed each night wondering if the car will be in the driveway the next morning.  Also, we needed to replace our back door, anyway, so you don’t get all the credit for that. 

Speaking of credit, you managed to squeeze more out of mine than I thought was possible.  Impressive.    I had no idea you could overdraw a PayPal account.  Until you came along, my account had been in good standing since I opened it, almost ten years ago.  And those over-the-limit credit card fees?  It’s only money, right?  I’ll try not to let my nerves get the best of me when I think about it.  I keep prescription medication that should help my stressed out tummy in my purse….oh, wait.

Of all the things you stole from me that night, the loss of my sense of security in my home has been the most difficult to replace.  No amount of paperwork or replacement cards can return that feeling to me.  I already have an overactive imagination, so a stranger invading my home in the wee hours of the morning only fuels my worst fears.  I now experience several sleep interruptions each night, often accompanied by cold sweats and a racing heartbeat.  I check on my sleeping children more often than I did when they were babies.

Fortunately for you, the Deliveranceville police seem to have more pressing cases at hand than this one.  Unfortunately for them, I don’t.  I am like a dog with a bone when something important to me demands attention.  Having my home invaded and my identity stolen is important to me and I will do everything within my power each day to guarantee that justice be served. 

Just thought I’d give you an update.