The Southern-Fried Yankee

swimming in gravy...and sinking fast
SEPTEMBER 21, 2011 5:28PM

A Letter To My Home Invader

Rate: 21 Flag

Last week you entered my home, uninvited, while my family slept, unaware of your intrusion.  In your search to fund your addiction, you helped yourself to my most personal items.  I really enjoyed waking up that morning and playing Marco Polo with my missing purse, which, by the way, is rather uncommon and will bring you many compliments, should you continue to carry it around the way you did last weekend.  However, I suggest you consider losing it, if you haven’t already.  Hot pink is hard to miss, and I hear it really pops on surveillance video. 

You didn’t travel far before using my debit card.  That was probably due to the paltry amount of cash you found in my wallet.  I work for senior citizens, and, since I choose not to rob them, I don’t charge them much for the services I offer.  Therefore, I never have a lot of cash on hand.  I can imagine your reaction upon seeing the bulky appearance of that new wallet of mine.  I would have thought I’d hit the mother lode, myself.  It sucks how looks can be deceiving, I know.  Better luck next time, I guess.

Things have not been boring since you were here.  My time has been spent trying to undo the damage you’ve done.  It takes a little while to remember what all the keys on a key ring unlock, but I think I got it.  By the way, having a car re-keyed is pricey, but perhaps worth not going to bed each night wondering if the car will be in the driveway the next morning.  Also, we needed to replace our back door, anyway, so you don’t get all the credit for that. 

Speaking of credit, you managed to squeeze more out of mine than I thought was possible.  Impressive.    I had no idea you could overdraw a PayPal account.  Until you came along, my account had been in good standing since I opened it, almost ten years ago.  And those over-the-limit credit card fees?  It’s only money, right?  I’ll try not to let my nerves get the best of me when I think about it.  I keep prescription medication that should help my stressed out tummy in my purse….oh, wait.

Of all the things you stole from me that night, the loss of my sense of security in my home has been the most difficult to replace.  No amount of paperwork or replacement cards can return that feeling to me.  I already have an overactive imagination, so a stranger invading my home in the wee hours of the morning only fuels my worst fears.  I now experience several sleep interruptions each night, often accompanied by cold sweats and a racing heartbeat.  I check on my sleeping children more often than I did when they were babies.

Fortunately for you, the Deliveranceville police seem to have more pressing cases at hand than this one.  Unfortunately for them, I don’t.  I am like a dog with a bone when something important to me demands attention.  Having my home invaded and my identity stolen is important to me and I will do everything within my power each day to guarantee that justice be served. 

Just thought I’d give you an update.

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My heart goes out to you, my dear.

And if you ever find the intruder, I know some people who know how to make a body disappear ...
I am so sorry this happened to you. This is a real nightmare. ~r
Oh, do I ever feel for you. You were actually in the house while this happened? That's terrible. I'm so sorry.

When I came home this past February to an open back door, my heart simultaneously sank and started to beat wildly. I really felt like I was in a dream, walking in and seeing every cupboard door open, mattresses askew and blank spaces where TVs and computers used to be. Luckily, all of our bank accounts and credit card accounts, etc., were unaffected, although I'm pretty sure they stole some cards that were in our nightstands.

Well, anyway...I also know the feeling of realizing that the police won't ever solve it. I hope you can get some justice.
ah, that just sucks. i'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. hope the bastard gets caught.
Good on you.
I hope you track it down & put it out of its misery. Well said.
Oh geez. I am so sorry. It makes me shiver just to think about it.
My sympathies, Jill. I'm glad you got thru it without anyone in your family being injured.

I came home from work one evening and found my apartment had been broken into and burgled. I had never felt so violated, and the closest I've come to that feeling since is knowing what the Republicans are trying to do me and the people I love.
I think I have a good understanding of how you feel. Unfortunately, that feeling of violation seems to take far too long to go away. What a frightening thing for you to have to endure.

Lezlie
I'm so sorry. What a drag. And the loss of even the illusion of security is so hard to get back. I'll be one of the ones helping cranky shovel the perp under in the dark of night should this weasel ever get caught.

rated
I can imagine the creeped out feeling you'd get. Good luck on finding the perp.
:( Next time, could you at least have like 50 bucks more in your purse!! Sheesh, robbers gotta make a living!! :D

Just kidding, stupid robbers!!!! RATED!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that horror of horrors! How distressing. I'm so sorry....
Run the bastard to ground and kick him in the balls. Don't let the bastards get you down. Ever.
Rated.
This happened to me and it took a long time to get 'over it'. I'm sorry.
I've never been robbed, but I often worry about it. It's awful to think that there are people bad and desperate enough to break into your house while you are there...I hope they catch him, but it will probably be by accident. Or maybe someone else will shoot him in the act one day.
Thanks to all of you for your kind words. This is not an experience I'd like to repeat, but I appreciate the support and offers of help to hide bodies. You guys rock.
Nothing is more frustrating; you want to face the perps but they are too cowardly to show their faces.
A dog, any dog, will keep those subhumans out...Or at least bite them so they'll think twice.
That is so awful. To know someone was in your home like that. I am really sorry.
Hi writer mom. It has been many, many years since someone tried to break into my apartment in New York. I had always been a sound sleeper. But for several after that event, the slightest noise made me sit bolt upright in bed.

I hope you are well.
I"m so sorry....may whomever did this rot. Shame about the purse!