You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"

You may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"

You may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"Once In A Lifetime," Talking Heads

 

Last night, I could not go to sleep.  I was wired.  I have been drinking too much diet coke.  And, then, I got on this silly stickers app online - stickers are like crack to me.  I stayed up all night clicking on stuff I like and don't like so I could get 20 stickers mailed to me.  

 

My father got up at 3 a.m.  His blood sugar was too low.  He tested it.  He has to pinch his fingers so that they bleed several times to do this.  He was feeling bad.  His blood sugar was too low.

 

My father and mother were about to be mad at me for staying up late.  But, my mom was still very sleepy, and I ran to the refrigerator and got my dad a small glass of orange juice.  Orange juice is the nectar of the Gods when you are diabetic and you are "having a low." I kissed my father's head, and asked him if he was all right.  I went in the living room, where my mom was in her recliner, upset, and trying to wake up.  I gave her a kiss on the head, too.  They were not mad.

 

They stayed up a little while to make sure my dad was ok, and then went back to bed.  I couldn't sleep, and couldn't stop stickering, so I carried my laptop up to my room and stayed there, feverishly clicking, until after 6:00 a.m.  Then I finally got tired, closed the curtains in my room against the daylight, and went to sleep.  Blessed sleep.  

 

I woke up at 1:00 p.m.  I was having a nice dream, but I didn't write it down, so I forgot it.  I sat in my green chair and prayed and meditated a little. I went downstairs.  My mom was baking whole wheat bread and fixing dinner.  Dinner is at 4:30 in our house.  We are seniors.

 

 

I went to look something up for Chan.  He's one of my ex boyfriends.  He doesn't have access to a computer, he says.  I keep telling him to go to the library, but he won't. Anyway, I spend much of my life looking up things, or editing things, or writing things, for two of my ex boyfriends and their friends.  I am good at it, and it gives me something to do.   My other ex boyfriend is fully capable of looking things up for himself and really never asks me for anything.  They all care about me, and it's mutual.  

 

While I am looking up things, I see the google thingy and I realize it's leap day.  That's kind of cool.   And, since I get paid once a month on the last day of the month, that makes it PAYDAY!!!!  Which is VERY cool.  Have you ever gotten paid once a month?  This is my second time.  Things get kind of dicey financially around the last week of the month.  

 

So, it's payday and I have errands to run.  It is 2:00 p.m..  I make myself a quick breakfast, and eat some of my mom's wonderful bread.  Life is good.  

I will be out for around six hours, so I make sure I have everything with me that I will need.  

 

First I drive to the Credit Union to deposit my check.  I drive past all the fracking.  There is one well I drive by where they have been burning off natural gas off of for weeks.  (My theory is that they are doing this because natural gas prices have fallen with the newly abundant supply.  So, they burn it.  Also, the local gas utility just asked for a 2.8 million fee hike.   But, I digress.)  Behind an old farmhouse, there is a gigantic flame roaring out into the sky.  It is so disheartening.  I apologize to the earth for this fracking, but I don't think it's enough.  We are breaking up all the rock under the marcellus shale, and we'll all probably go sliding off the continent when it starts to crumble.  Then the oil companies (which are the natural gas companies) will say, "Oooops!"  They will also say this when the water is poisoned here.  Then, all their shell companies will go out of business, and the people who live here will be left holding the bag.

 

I get to the credit union and stay in their parking lot listening to an NPR story about how the brain gets rewired by intense experiences in youth.  That's a bummer.  

 

I deposit my check, and go to find gas.  I have had between 1-3 gallons of gas in the car for about ten days.  Sometimes less than that.  Once a month, I fill up the tank.  That is on payday.  Today.  Leap Day.  

 

I drive to the local Aldi to do some grocery shopping for my mom and dad and I.  They are older, and like it when I pick up the groceries.  And, we all like the low prices at Aldi. I shop quickly and go to the checkout.  

 

There is a woman around my age with her mother in a wheel chair.  She leaves her mother there to get another loaf of bread.  I wait a long time.  I am going to be late.  The woman comes back.  Her mother is mad because some of their things got rung up together. I have been in line for over ten minutes now.  Mentally, I am screaming, "Just get over it and MOVE ON, you inconsiderate jerks!"  Outwardly, I do nothing, except call the hospital to say I will be a few minutes late.  

 

I get to my group therapy group about fifteen minutes late.  This is uncool.   There are three more people tonight!

 

 Our group is up to ten people now!  That is a big group, for group therapy.  

 

I cannot tell you anything about what happened there, because of confidentiality.  Except to say that, during the break, I used a $5.00 coupon they gave me to get a tuna sandwich for lunch.  It is 7:15 p.m. and I am eating lunch.  Welcome to the second shift.

 

I go to this group three evenings a week now.  It is helping me, I think, having other people to talk to.  As in any group I participate in, I talk far more than the other people, which means far too much.  I will remember next time I go there (I hope) to only speak every three times I think of something to say.    That means two opportunities to speak must be forfeited.  If I remember to do this, I will still talk more than the other people, but not much more.  That is ok.  

 

I drive home and try to take a picture of the gas well burning.  It is too far away, and my cell phone camera doesn't have a zoom.  I can't get a shot.  I am bummed about that.  I will have to get my nephew to come over with his fancy digital camera and  take a good close up picture.  I hope we don't get arrested.  These fracking people are not messing around. 

 

I get home and carry in the groceries.  My mom and I put them away.  I eat a little dinner - just vegetables, as if I were back in France.  

 

I plug in my laptop and read other people's posts on Open.Salon.  There is so much great stuff here.  I love reading it.  

 

I take my medication for sleep much earlier tonight - around midnight.  This means I should be able to get to sleep between 2 and 3 a.m..  That will be nice.    My mom and dad wake up briefly around midnight and do the Times crossword puzzle.   I look up answers for them online while I am surfing the internet and writing a cover letter for my other ex boyfriend.  

 

Now I am trying to change my privacy on my computer tonight, now that Google is doing its thing.   Then I will go to bed.  

 

Good night, OS!