In the past several months, I have noticed that this blog has been rapidly losing its readership. I blame this on two major factors: 1) People are morons, and; 2) People seem to think that because I’m an Atheist, I do not love God.

There’s not much I… Read full post »

God celebrates the DNC folding over a non-issue.

HEAVEN – God, the controversial creator of everything everywhere, has signed a new deal with the Democratic Party that will keep him in their fold for the next four years.

“This is just a thrill,” said God, 42. “There… Read full post »

There is no there there.

This allegation has long been lobbed at Mitt Romney. In the GOP primaries of 2008, it wasn’t much of a secret that Romney was generally despised by the other GOP candidates. And Presidential looks be damned, the public didn’t show Romney much love,… Read full post »

Here's Hoping Dev Patel's career survives Newsroom.

What if all your dreams of a responsible, honest media came true? What if, for once, reporters asked the right follow-up questions and were informed on the day’s events? What if the media took responsibility for reporting… Read full post »

As Mitt Romney begins his general election battle against President Barack Obama, intrepid reporters and pundits have stumbled across something about him that should terrify us all – Mitt Romney hates cookies.

Recently, in Pittsburgh, Romney insulted cookies from Bethel Bakery. This… Read full post »

Mitt Romney shares a laugh with new Black friend "Herman."

MASSACHUSETTS — After essentially sewing up the GOP nomination this week, Mitt Romney has begun the long process of connecting with the American public. Earlier this week, Romney strengthened his appeal with women by… Read full post »

Acts of violence by men against women do not begin with the act of violence itself. But whether it be upbringing or societal factors, there is always one factor that remains the same in every act of male violence against woman – the presence of a man willing… Read full post »

When I saw that Shia LeBeouf told the media that he had "hooked up" with Megan Fox, I was not surprised. After all, I have hooked up with him, as well

Yes, friends, I, noted comma user, William K. Wolfrum, have hooked up Shia LeBeouf.

The first time was… Read full post »

As the clock struck zero and the NBA Finals ended, the national sports media found itself forced to focus solely on the Dallas Mavericks. The time for analyzing and re-analyzing Lebron James and the star-studded Miami Heat had come to an end. There was a new champion… Read full post »

MINNESOTA – A wayward elf that froze to death in the snow last December has challenged the entire GOP Presidential Field to a debate on the U.S. Constitution, sources close to the Dead Elf say.

“He’s pretty confident. Or IT is pretty confident,” said… Read full post »

HEAVEN – Following a staggering donation to the Heaven Fund, the Koch Brothers will now have final say on who gets Raptured. sources tell this reporter.

David and Charles Koch – who combined are worth $43.5 billion – recently made headlines when it was learned that they had… Read full post »

As America celebrates President Barack Obama's birth certificate as well as Osama bin Laden's new eye hole, one bit of news managed to get by that will likely have a bigger effect on the U.S. - Chrysler announced a profit:

Chrysler has posted its first quarterly net profit

… Read full post »

In the United States of America - where only 75 people have ever traveled abroad (note: possibly not a factual statement) - the State Department has decided to pepper new passport applicants with questions that are both increasingly private in nature and, well, just plain annoying.

From… Read full post »

Just moments after not being able to win back custody of his kids from a wife in rehab, Charlie Sheen shocked the world by coyly mentioning he may consider a run at the White House.

“I know I promised this wouldn’t be political, but look where we f— are,… Read full post »

There was nothing the least bit brave about Paul Ryan’s GOP budget that would slash the social safety net and enrich the already rich. Ryan’s work – like all his work – is partisan cowardice based on a long-held Conservative strategy – Starve the Beast.

Of course, this i… Read full post »

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Using his bare hands, Republican Rep. Paul Ryan choked an 85-year-old woman to death last night, earning praise for his “serious” attempt to balance the United States Federal Budget.

The woman – Susan Johnson, the mother of five… Read full post »

TWITTER - Twitter users of all political stripes were covered in a layer of Liberal goo on the site today, as Liberals from throughout the United States simultaneously exploded and gooified the joint following the rapid-fire news that Glenn Beck was leaving his Fox News program and that… Read full post »

PIERRE, S.D. — South Dakota governor Dennis Daugaard signed a bill into law on Tuesday that requires a man to wait 72 hours after his first doctor's appointment to be allowed to masturbate, the longest waiting list in the nation.

Male Masturbation rights groups… Read full post »

I am a feminist. I understand that some may argue with that or claim I am a poor example of a feminist - I am far from perfect in this self-assessment. But I do understand the movement, and at very least work to be a feminist ally.

I… Read full post »

WASHINGTON – Having taken criticism for not attempting any job-related legislation after campaigning on the issue, Speaker of the House John Boehner announced today that Republicans around the nation have been creating jobs with anti-abortion legislation.

“Some say we’re atta… Read full post »

HARRISBURG, Pa — After years of fielding complaints that he had not taken a hard enough stance against Westboro Baptist Church and its hate speech, Almighty God today unleashed what onlookers have described as a “shitload of smiting” against the controversial group that just… Read full post »