With a message header of HOPPING TO HEAR FROM YOU SOON, this was in my Salon.com inbox today, Mother's Day. 

"HI Dear
My name is Juliana ,i saw your profile today and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.
Here is my email address (julianaupeh@yahoo.com)
I believe we can move from here!
I am waiting for your mail to my email address above..
(Remeber the distance or colour does not matter but love matters alot in life) yours
in love Juliana"

Juliana is hopping to hear from me soon. 

I wonder if she is hopping on the left foot, or the right foot, or both feet? 

For me, this is about the same as getting an unsolicited advertisement for  "Dr. Fletcher's Ammy Savvy Salve, The Miracle Cure."  You know, the one that is good for coughs, cuts, colds, sore holes, it enamels the teeth and rinses the tonsils, it's good for back aches, crack aches, rheumatism, gout, scald heads, bald heads, or what have you.  Upon direct application, it will cure athlete's foot fungus and remove warts."

Note, "Dr. Fletcher's Ammy Savvy Salve, The Miracle Cure," is known to cause: fetid breath, falling arches, menstral cramps - even in men - kinky hair growth in unwanted areas of the body, excessive thirst, mysterious splotchy rashes, ingrown nostril hairs, aversion to any and all sexual activity, a sudden and strange desire for lemon juice, itchy eyes, hair balls, anal puckering, frequent but brief nose bleeds, a strange desire for waffles with sardines and peanut butter, sore elbows, sore knees, itching at the small of one's back, jock itch, very bad body odor, mysterious greenish purple oozing pustules on the chest, a smell of rotting fish from behind the ears, heart palpitations, high blood pressure, kidney stones, kidney failure, liver dysfunction, specimyauricosis, heart failure, and high force ejection diarrhea.  Remember to always check with a doctor before using "Dr. Fletcher's Ammy Savvy Salve, The Miracle Cure."

So, Jully Upeh, or Juliana, whoever you are, you must not have a radio or television to keep you entertained.  Instead, you send messages to people who are not likely to reply.  The chances of you getting an email from me are the exact same chances of you crawling into bed with Joe Biden, or, becoming the next Pope, or Grand Vizier of BoogaBoogistan.

Also, why in the hell would anyone want to risk using Dr. Fletcher's Ammy Savvy Salve, The Miracle Cure? 

From now on, as you hear the radio ads or see the TV ads for medicines, you might have renewed interest in all the problems the product can cause, as stated in the voice over product warning. 

Oh, I almost forgot...  I want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to my former Program Manager, (initials RP).  If anyone is a mother, HE certainly is a "mother."