It was a gorgeous sunny morning after a night of rain and pain. My eyes were not lying to me, the sun was up, the birds were singing, the wild daisies bloomed bright at the edge of the fresh green forest. And yet my brain, or was it my heart, failed to rejoice at God's glory. It was as if someone had placed an invisible weight on my shoulder, tinted my glasses in grey, and I couldn't get through the fog to immerse my self in the beauty. I couldn't even lift myself from bed. It wasn't just the physical pain that stopped me, this time it was something more. A change in brain chemistry perhaps, the famous lack of serotonin (or whatever) that makes people depressed.  I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't stop myself from opening the laptop and googling "painless suicide methods". It seemed like the perfect morning to die.