It starts with a niggling feeling in the back of my mind. That's the best way I know to describe it - a niggling feeling. Nothing distinct about it, just a nebulous uneasiness. In fact, it is almost so indistinct as to go unnoticed. Almost.
Try as I may to pay it no mind, there is an insistence implied, a persistent tapping on my subconscious - pay attention, I am not going away. "Shake it off," I say to myself, "don't give it another thought." But I do. I do give it a thought. Something aggravating this way comes.
There is no nail on which I can hang this free-floating irritation. Well, perhaps that's not exactly the truth. More to the point, there are too many nails, too many causes, too much generalized anxiety that is claiming my attention and whittling away at my peace of mind. I want to label it, identify a single cause so that I can address it and make it go away. It's the state of the economy, it's the pre-election frenzy, it's the jobless (non) recovery, it's this, it's that.
On a personal level, it could be the pressure of trying to sell what no one's buying, or wondering what that spot on my arm could be. It could be any number of things, none of them really deserving of my jittery attention. It could be all or none of these things. So why can't I shake it?
I find myself spoiling for a fight, taking everything personally. Relax, relax, RELAX! Why the hell can't I just relax? Instead I gravitate toward those things that push my buttons. I rush to judgment, I refuse to walk away, I leave no slight unperceived.
Perhaps this post is my version of sitting myself down and giving myself a good talking-to. I have everything to be grateful for, untold blessings, I am fortunate beyond measure. Come down off that ledge, dammit.
I'd like to close the door on this... this phase. I'd like to believe it's just a phase. I want to believe it's temporary and time will be the magic amulet that will set things right again.
But, there is that niggling feeling...
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KJ Stevens
just phyllis
cheshyre grin
Maureen Andrade
Deborah Méndez Wilson
Dawn E. Bell
Salon.com
Comments
"...there are too many nails...whittling away at my peace of mind."
I have a niggling feeling...it's not JUST you.
Just so you know, this piece comforted me in that "knowing I am not alone" way...
niggling loves company?
Then there's the times that I go all introspective and it get's worse!
But not usually...
Best
You described it rather well.
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I agree with `Just Another AJ. etc., Feike.
Margaret Feike etc., You sat on thumbtack.
huh?
You sat on a can of gingerale's pop-top.
You got a tech-nit on your pants pocket.
Maybe hot popcorn kernels got in blouse.
huh?
It's some universal erotic tick in britches.
Eat garlic. You'll be exonerated in courts.
No cook halibut. A fishbone fell in undies.
huh?
Never use Tacks to hold your pants up.
Use duck-tape. Maybe it's a sunny fish.
Mack laptops can irritate if in pocket.
huh?
I agree
Relax
Ponder
Add Pepper.
ask nanatehay.
He has Pepper.
Pepper is a dog.
It's a splendid tick.
I think it's conscience.
I go sit in my P.U. truck.
You'd be fun to tickle.
You fragrant as duck.
Loons. You nailed it.
Use a hammer on it.
No hit funny bones.
Nature is glorious.
How do we say it?
She gets attention.
We get off behinds.
She goads to action.
She causes joy too.
She' love and beauty.
Blossoms do unfold.
Taking one day at a time, each niggle as it arrives and aiming to cancel it out with some good deed is the only way I know how to handle things lately.
A good dry white helps temporarily too.
sweetfeet - I'm a worrier - got that from my dad. Drives me nuts.
tr ig - never been a pot smoker... times like this make me wish I was. Used to love bourbon - still do, but it doesn't love me anymore. As Leslie Nielson said in "Airplane", I picked a helluva time to quit drinking! And introspection can be a real bitch sometimes!
Blacklilly - funny, I almost used that phrase in this piece. Exactly.
dianaani - I hope it's seasonal discontent. I'm flying out to West Texas soon for my sister-in-law's 50th wedding anniversary celebration. Family gatherings always do me good.
Joan - not that I would wish this on anyone, but hearing from so many of you that I'm not alone in this damnable feeling is somehow comforting.
John - awww, thanks, John - how kind of you to say! Maybe, having written it out, I can get a handle on it...
Michelle - one nail at a time - alway good advice. :-)
David - in the words of the immortal Roseanne Roseannadanna - it just goes to show ya, it's always something.
Julie - at least there's that, huh? We're all in this together - whatever it is.
Algis - thank you - you're a sweetheart
Margaret - ice cream and a walk - I'll have to try it. Couldn't hurt, right?
Art -Sound advice, all. If I had my druthers, I'd choose the blossoms all the time, but then I'd be Pollyanna and I'm way too sarcastic for that.
phyllis - I'm workin' on it. I'll let you know...
Linda - these damn niggles. But, hey, at least I have the wisdom of fine friends to see me through it. And writing it out does relieve some of the pressure. I forget that sometimes.
Whenever I'm overwhelmed with uncertainty, I don't make any decisions until I've let some of the niggling subside and in that regard, writing is a saving grace.
Belinda - wise words. And you know, I do feel much better having written about it and, of course, after reading everyone's comments. Thank you!
Scanner - yep, I can totally relate!
You are identifying a delicate sense of life that many ignore -- or try to. What is there to go beyond this, I hear you saying.
Guess, I'll to listen more.
Yeah, please, give us more. You have a great sense for mining below the surface that consumes so much of our time.
Write on, Unbreakable.
If you figure out how to stop doing this. Please tell us all. We can't be the only ones that do this.
My better half is always telling me to "calm down" and "chill". It's a darn good thing I live with an easy going, giving,
non-confrontational and loving person.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
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