Unbreakable's Pearls of Wisdom...

...and Foolish Mutterings


Down the rabbit hole, Texas,
December 06


DECEMBER 30, 2009 12:17AM

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Rate: 29 Flag

To bitch or not to bitch - that, apparently, is the question. Let me say that I can bitch with the best of 'em. I will stand my bitching abilities up against those of anyone on OS. I can do righteous indignation like nobody's business. My sarcastic wit can peel paint off the walls and even curl your toes. I can bitch til the cows come home or hell freezes over, whichever happens first. If bitching were to become an Olympic event, I would take the Gold Medal.

What I'm trying to tell you is that I am well-versed in the art of bitching and I have had LOTS of practice. So, it has taken a gargantuan effort on my part to stay (mostly) out of the fray. I'll admit, I dipped a toe or two in the bitching pool a few days ago, but it was a half-hearted effort, at best. Seriously, anyone who has read my blog for any appreciable length of time can attest to that. 

Truth be told, if one is looking for a place to host a full-fledged, maniacal, spittle-flying, wild-eyed, grade-A bitchy post, well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the place. But if you come here to bitch, you had better be prepared to bring out the big guns. There is no place here for little namby-pamby, tip-toeing around, half-ass bitchiness. Nope. You have to go whole hog or nothing. 

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, you see, there's a new year on the horizon and there have been many fine suggestions offered regarding possible group activities here on OS. What I am proposing is a BITCH OFF - one fine day that is designated as THE day to let it fly.  Nothing but bitchy, snarky, snide, sarcastic, belittling and condescending blogs will be accepted on that day. All comments must also adhere to the same specs. Anyone caught trying to smooth things over or being nice in a general fashion will be severely chastised by the most accomplished bitchers in the group. It will not be pretty.

What say ye? Shall we stage a BITCH OFF to end all BITCH OFFS?  Or could we all just shut the hell up and get on with it? Hmmmmm?



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I bitch, therefore I am...
OOOOOH. You, madam, have my attention. Hmmm, do we have a topic or are we just letting loose?
I am a rookie bitcher. I admit it shamefully.
mypsyche - It's the evil bitch inside my head. She is T.I.R.E.D. of reading nothing but posts bitching about the editors, EPs, who should and should not be allowed to bitch, who is qualified to bitch, who is not. It's driving me crazy, as you can plainly see by my having reverted to speaking about myself in the third person.
Aftershock - I'm not sure the ability to bitch well can be taught. It's something you have to be born with.
Don't write me off yet. Perhaps I am a bitchin prodigy and just need help getting it out? : )
I'm going to out bitch everyone and I'm going to do it about lattes. When does this start?
No no no...I can do this! I can win this thing!!!
Practice practice practice!!!
To Unbreakable
Actually I believe it is something that develops from having lived a hard life.
All the people I know who are good at bitching - complaining loudly and overwhelmingly in a way that demoralizes the people around them - lived rather hard lives.
People who had it easy rarely complain, and rarely demoralize the people around them.
How about we replace Foodie Tuesday with Bitchy Tuesday. Anything's better than another cookie recipe.
A Bitch Off, now that is an inspired idea. I just want watch though, I find it better than Law and Order reruns. There seems to be a time line for squabbles around her and I never get topic exactly, which makes me want to bitch. Let's start with making fun of flouncing posts rather than having fifty people begging for him or her to stay, that could be grand fun like reverse fortune cookies. Please PM when the Bitch Off starts, I do not want to mess a moment.
I can snark but bitchiness hmmmm I use up so much of it at home I don't know I have enough left for here! Now sarcastic :)
I bitch when I go to our local deli and they're sold out of Ziti.
Every time I see "bitch bitch bitch" I think of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" where the character says "Bitch, bitch, bitch. Ever since the baby died." ha!

I must confess ... I'm less of a bitcher and more of a whiner.
unb, for all the sexy romance stuff i write, i am one serious, accomplished bitch. i have taught bitching at the most prestigious of universities. given an appropriate subject and a target, i can bitch someone into quivering submission. i have made marines whimper. well, by bitching, too.

if you're starting a sign-up sheet, give me a Magic Marker, honey. ;
Fetboy... my experience is just the opposite. The people (in my life) that never had it very hard seem to bitch and moan and demoralize the most and don't know when to shut the old piehole.

UB, if there's gonna be a bitch-off, let me know so I stay away that day. I get enough of that crap in my day to day... I come here to escape it. Not that I can't bitch with the best of 'em, because I can, but it takes too much energy and most days Dad's rollercoaster behavior sucks up so much energy I don't have much to spare.
Know what the difference is between bitching and whining?
Whiners complain from a position of weakness.
Think: The difference between crying in court, and demanding in court.
"The people (in my life) that never had it very hard seem to bitch and moan and demoralize the most and don't know when to shut the old piehole."
Yeah, kind of like my wife.
She has life extremely easy (right now she is out with friends while I stay home with the kids), but knows how to make the people around her feel lower than dirt - if she wants to - with her tone and expression alone (you see how she is with teachers who criticize her extremely obnoxious children).
But before she met me she had lived a hard life. Her exterior bitch was what really turned me on.
I was under the impression that bitching and moaning makes up 90% of the public discourse since - well, since forever. We hardly need a Bitch Off to get exposed to that particular business.

As a child, when I began whining about something mother would always tell me I was "tiresome". "Please darling, don't be so tiresome".

I've grown into adulthood believing that one really should try to reserve ones energies - and the energies of others - for things that actually matter - don't you agree?
Aftershock - a bitchin prodigy - well, that could be. Maybe you've just never had the right motivation before.

Amanda - lattes, huh? that should be interesting.

Aftershock - practice makes perfect

fetboy - thanks for your thoughtful comment, but I did this post in jest, not as a serious exploration of bitching

John - Bitchy Tuesday does have a certain ring to it

Dr. Spudman - Don't worry - I'll make sure you don't miss it. It will be a bitching wildfire!

LL2 - Sarcastic works!

Christopher - that's the spirit!

Jill - I thought so. :-)

odette - I just had a laugh-out-loud moment. thanks, I needed that! Whining definitely has its place.

femme - love the Marine comment! You are so clever. Apparently this BITCH OFF is taking off. I may need to recruit assistants.

trb - understandable - you can take a pass on the BITCH OFF :-)
Monsieur C - Of course I agree with you. Rest assured my tongue was planted firmly in cheek with this post. Although I do still reserve the right for a righteous rant now and then. ;-)
Did you think I wrote anything here that I was serious about?
Actually I was, but I did know this post was written in jest.
You guys take yourselves way too seriously.
I grew up with three brothers that beat the shit out of me at every opportunity, and have been called a bitch since birth.

You do NOT get scrappier than me, trust me. When someone calls me a bitch to this day, my response is: "Really? Is that all you've got?"

When I see whiners on this site, or in life, there is a large part of me that wants to slap the snot bubbles off of their dumb face and remind them that they are not hungry or cold.....nor do they have three brothers sneaking up on them to take pictures of them crying about finding their Barbie in a poop-filled toliet.

Man up, I say, and quit your fucking sniveling. EP's are meaningless in the big picture, and as we are reminded, pay nothing. We are here for the feedback from writers, kids, so pay attention to that. We write in a vacuum, and OS brings our work to light, to be reviewed by other writers.

I moved to Mexico when Bush got re-elected, and opened a restaurant. One of the first things that I did was post a sign over my bar:


Would that this applied to Open Salon......
Ginny - I'm sorry - you must have confused my post with sniveling. I'll let you know when I write one that contains actual sniveling.
I didn't think that YOU were sniveling....I was just responding to all of the online whining......
Just to clarify, I totally dig what you are suggesting. Let the ranters get their rocks off one day, and then hopefully they'll settle down.

Great post. Rated.
I read this, thought, yup, read Msr. Chariot's elegant response and thought, now why didn't I think of that? I can be so tiresome....Loved this post and the thread. Count me in for whatever.
Okay, now your avatar is revolving. I'm dizzy!
Sorry, but I only RANT, and then I scare White people, so I'd better back off. But let me know if it's on...I'll bring in a mild mannered ringer....

HEY! Can we bitch about the unmanaged SPAM? instead?

I stole this from Chariot


free shipping
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accept the paypal

open call EPs $35
politics EPs $35
family news EPs $16
comedy EPs $16
health EPs $30
belief and religion EPs $16
business EPs $15
music EPs $15
travel EPs $15
environment EPs $14
feminism EPs $12

many more EPs available!

PLUS: Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33
PLUS: Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25

Monsieur Chariot
Uh, I'll pay $16 for some Beliefs and Religion....do you take pesos?
Ginny - oops - color me thick-headed! Thanks for coming back and explaining your comment to my dumb ass! ***sheepishly smacks head***

Sandra - his response was very elegant, wasn't it?

mypsyche - that photo was the one in my head when I was writing this - I just couldn't find it earlier. my persistence finally paid off
Zuma - bitching about the unmanaged spam - now THERE'S a cause I could get behind!

Ginny - Monsieur's EP store is just like a candy store! I may overdose on ordering EPs!
Maybe we could all just descend on Bendan Bendan and bitch him/her/it back to bot-dom.
Myriad - a most excellent suggestion! I'm sure all would agree.
I rarely bitch (the verb) but I'm an incredible bitch (the noun). Huge diff. Let's get it right.

I don't think I could prevail in a bitch-off, which sounds like it might turn into a "whinefest" but gawd I'm such a bitch. And I love it. I've worked hard at it over the years and have finally mastered the art, being able to unleash it at will. There are those who know me who'd never imagine me to be a bitch - and others who can't imagine I'm not.


but I do believe I'd tune in to watch an OS bitch off
I would say that we should do a bitch off, but as soon as it got personal, someone would cry, someone who has to be careful what she dishes out because she can't take it (probably me).
Then again, getting on with life sounds oddly tempting.
Could we do an ironic bitch off wherein we pretend to be upset (only with people who got the memo) about obviously stupid things?
I am a bitch. If someone calls me that I take it as an honor.

Is this over yet??? I do hope so, so we can go back to writing.
Life's too short for bitching. Sorry.
Oh, oh, I can´t play; I am not good at bitching in English, and besides, I am more latin: not so much bitching, just a blow on the nose and that´s it, hehe... but to read post of bitching bloggers will be great fun, so go ahead.
Happy New Year!
Hehehehe! What a concept! I'm not much for bitching for the sake of bitching, but give me a subject I care about and watch the magic. For me, this would surely be a great spectator event!
Is that hair under the little critter's armpits? ; 0
I've got a vacation planned for whatever date it happens. Be sure to gut someone for me~
I ain't your bitch, bitch.
Sorry, but I have a job, as you know that overloads my system with bitchy, snarky, snide, sarcastic, belittling and condescending people so I will have to take a pass. Funny idea though.
Bitch and you shall receive. This bitch rated this post.
Let's do it! Let's do it until we can no longer do it, until we're sweaty, tired and out of breath. Until our lips fall off and we swallow our tongues and we drop to the floor exhausted.

Oh! You're talking about bitching aren't you. Well, I'm up for that too. Let's have it out on the OS canvas until the last person stands

Then, there may be peace in the OS kingdom and we'll not even remember what EP even means.
I do not doubt your Bitch-Powers. Not for one second.

Put me down for bitchy Tuesday - I'll know which day I can devote to writing.

@WAH - funny!
Bitching is an *F* word in my vocabulary. And besides, frankly, that's what I've been seeing mostly on OS anyway, recently. Now Blumenthal wants to replace Foodie day with a Bitching day! Nooo way, John! Leave the creative Foodies alone. We are the quiet, hard-working, untainted, perfectionists JKBrady wrote about in her Third Act.
I try to avoid "bitching" "bitches" and being "bitched" at -- so I'll be steering clear of the Bitch-Off -- could you put "BITCH-OFF" in the title so I'll be forewarned?

I sometimes try to jump into the fray, but I'm always afraid to commit my words to the internets LONG memory -- I'm not always successful (every now and then a bitchy one gets by) but I try.

So how are you doing Unbreakable?
@odette: "Bitch, bitch, bitch. Ever since the baby died." is a bitchin comment.
Maddie - I used to have a keychain that said, "I'm not a bitch; I am THE BITCH." I may be a little out of practice since I stopped working, but I sometimes hone my skills on OS. ;-)

fetboy - there's that bitch spirit I'm looking for!

tbl4 - okay, you can have a pass that day, too. :-)

Delia - a Faux Bitch Off - excellent idea!

mission - let's hope so. I'm ready to read more of everyone's excellent writing!

Pilgrim - yes, it is indeed

Marcela - Happy New Year to you, too, my friend!

Michael - like the Olympics of Bitching, huh?

bendan bendan - is that you you? or is it your sister?

trudge - I believe it is. ewwwwww.

scanner - my inner bitch will take care of that.

new number 2 - well, fine then

Tor - the idea of getting on with life appeals to you, too, huh?

Joan - ah, bitch and ye shall receive - truer words were never spoken. ;-)

WAH - no, never!

Boomer - Amen, brother!

Duane - Hey, I like you new avatar - too cool! And I say that with absolutely no bitchiness at all.

Fusun - cooking is the *F* word in my vocabulary

Skel - My inner bitch is forever looking for a chance to flex her muscles. I try to keep her quieted down with chocolate, but it doesn't always work. I'm fine, my friend. Thanks for asking. :-)
Hey! did you see that? Bendan Bendan's comment disappeared without any help from me. Color me surprised!
Holy shit! Am I up to the challenge? Against the finest here at OS? Against the likes of YOU?! Yikes! Will there be a choice of subject matter, perhaps a category list? You know, Politics, Religion, Sex (or lack thereof), Marriage, etc? Oh, and I know this ain't WDC, but will there be prizes???!!! Come on. You gotta give me somethin' to shoot for, ya know?
Oh, and who's the cutie with the hairy pits?!
Winda - I'm trying to come up with something totally fabulous for the prize. Something like a diamond-encrusted lapel pin with the words BITCH EXTRAORDINAIRE or something like that. Whadya think? As for the subject matter, my knee jerk reaction is to go for "marriage", but hell, that's just too easy!

The cutie pie with the hairy pits is just some random stick-man off the street. Shameless, isn't he/she?
Bitch away, baby!
@ boomer bob: "Let's do it! Let's do it until we can no longer do it, until we're sweaty, tired and out of breath. Until our lips fall off and we swallow our tongues and we drop to the floor exhausted."

Oh OH OHH! Heck yes!