To bitch or not to bitch - that, apparently, is the question. Let me say that I can bitch with the best of 'em. I will stand my bitching abilities up against those of anyone on OS. I can do righteous indignation like nobody's business. My sarcastic wit can peel paint off the walls and even curl your toes. I can bitch til the cows come home or hell freezes over, whichever happens first. If bitching were to become an Olympic event, I would take the Gold Medal.
What I'm trying to tell you is that I am well-versed in the art of bitching and I have had LOTS of practice. So, it has taken a gargantuan effort on my part to stay (mostly) out of the fray. I'll admit, I dipped a toe or two in the bitching pool a few days ago, but it was a half-hearted effort, at best. Seriously, anyone who has read my blog for any appreciable length of time can attest to that.
Truth be told, if one is looking for a place to host a full-fledged, maniacal, spittle-flying, wild-eyed, grade-A bitchy post, well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the place. But if you come here to bitch, you had better be prepared to bring out the big guns. There is no place here for little namby-pamby, tip-toeing around, half-ass bitchiness. Nope. You have to go whole hog or nothing.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well, you see, there's a new year on the horizon and there have been many fine suggestions offered regarding possible group activities here on OS. What I am proposing is a BITCH OFF - one fine day that is designated as THE day to let it fly. Nothing but bitchy, snarky, snide, sarcastic, belittling and condescending blogs will be accepted on that day. All comments must also adhere to the same specs. Anyone caught trying to smooth things over or being nice in a general fashion will be severely chastised by the most accomplished bitchers in the group. It will not be pretty.
What say ye? Shall we stage a BITCH OFF to end all BITCH OFFS? Or could we all just shut the hell up and get on with it? Hmmmmm?
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
KJ Stevens
just phyllis
cheshyre grin
Maureen Andrade
Deborah Méndez Wilson
Dawn E. Bell
Salon.com
Comments
Practice practice practice!!!
Actually I believe it is something that develops from having lived a hard life.
All the people I know who are good at bitching - complaining loudly and overwhelmingly in a way that demoralizes the people around them - lived rather hard lives.
People who had it easy rarely complain, and rarely demoralize the people around them.
I must confess ... I'm less of a bitcher and more of a whiner.
if you're starting a sign-up sheet, give me a Magic Marker, honey. ;
UB, if there's gonna be a bitch-off, let me know so I stay away that day. I get enough of that crap in my day to day... I come here to escape it. Not that I can't bitch with the best of 'em, because I can, but it takes too much energy and most days Dad's rollercoaster behavior sucks up so much energy I don't have much to spare.
Whiners complain from a position of weakness.
Think: The difference between crying in court, and demanding in court.
Yeah, kind of like my wife.
She has life extremely easy (right now she is out with friends while I stay home with the kids), but knows how to make the people around her feel lower than dirt - if she wants to - with her tone and expression alone (you see how she is with teachers who criticize her extremely obnoxious children).
But before she met me she had lived a hard life. Her exterior bitch was what really turned me on.
As a child, when I began whining about something mother would always tell me I was "tiresome". "Please darling, don't be so tiresome".
I've grown into adulthood believing that one really should try to reserve ones energies - and the energies of others - for things that actually matter - don't you agree?
Amanda - lattes, huh? that should be interesting.
Aftershock - practice makes perfect
fetboy - thanks for your thoughtful comment, but I did this post in jest, not as a serious exploration of bitching
John - Bitchy Tuesday does have a certain ring to it
Dr. Spudman - Don't worry - I'll make sure you don't miss it. It will be a bitching wildfire!
LL2 - Sarcastic works!
Christopher - that's the spirit!
Jill - I thought so. :-)
odette - I just had a laugh-out-loud moment. thanks, I needed that! Whining definitely has its place.
femme - love the Marine comment! You are so clever. Apparently this BITCH OFF is taking off. I may need to recruit assistants.
trb - understandable - you can take a pass on the BITCH OFF :-)
Actually I was, but I did know this post was written in jest.
You guys take yourselves way too seriously.
You do NOT get scrappier than me, trust me. When someone calls me a bitch to this day, my response is: "Really? Is that all you've got?"
When I see whiners on this site, or in life, there is a large part of me that wants to slap the snot bubbles off of their dumb face and remind them that they are not hungry or cold.....nor do they have three brothers sneaking up on them to take pictures of them crying about finding their Barbie in a poop-filled toliet.
Man up, I say, and quit your fucking sniveling. EP's are meaningless in the big picture, and as we are reminded, pay nothing. We are here for the feedback from writers, kids, so pay attention to that. We write in a vacuum, and OS brings our work to light, to be reviewed by other writers.
I moved to Mexico when Bush got re-elected, and opened a restaurant. One of the first things that I did was post a sign over my bar:
THIS IS A NO SNIVELING ZONE
Would that this applied to Open Salon......
Great post. Rated.
HEY! Can we bitch about the unmanaged SPAM? instead?
I stole this from Chariot
http://www.cheapEPs.com
free shipping
competitive price
many EPs available
accept the paypal
open call EPs $35
politics EPs $35
family news EPs $16
comedy EPs $16
health EPs $30
belief and religion EPs $16
business EPs $15
music EPs $15
travel EPs $15
environment EPs $14
feminism EPs $12
many more EPs available!
PLUS: Air jordan(1-24)shoes $33
PLUS: Bikini (Ed hardy,polo) $25
http://www.cheapEPs.com
Monsieur Chariot
Sandra - his response was very elegant, wasn't it?
mypsyche - that photo was the one in my head when I was writing this - I just couldn't find it earlier. my persistence finally paid off
Ginny - Monsieur's EP store is just like a candy store! I may overdose on ordering EPs!
I don't think I could prevail in a bitch-off, which sounds like it might turn into a "whinefest" but gawd I'm such a bitch. And I love it. I've worked hard at it over the years and have finally mastered the art, being able to unleash it at will. There are those who know me who'd never imagine me to be a bitch - and others who can't imagine I'm not.
Mwahahahaha
but I do believe I'd tune in to watch an OS bitch off
HAWT!!!
Then again, getting on with life sounds oddly tempting.
Could we do an ironic bitch off wherein we pretend to be upset (only with people who got the memo) about obviously stupid things?
Is this over yet??? I do hope so, so we can go back to writing.
Happy New Year!
Kisses,
Marcela
R~
Oh! You're talking about bitching aren't you. Well, I'm up for that too. Let's have it out on the OS canvas until the last person stands
Then, there may be peace in the OS kingdom and we'll not even remember what EP even means.
Put me down for bitchy Tuesday - I'll know which day I can devote to writing.
@WAH - funny!
I sometimes try to jump into the fray, but I'm always afraid to commit my words to the internets LONG memory -- I'm not always successful (every now and then a bitchy one gets by) but I try.
So how are you doing Unbreakable?
fetboy - there's that bitch spirit I'm looking for!
tbl4 - okay, you can have a pass that day, too. :-)
Delia - a Faux Bitch Off - excellent idea!
mission - let's hope so. I'm ready to read more of everyone's excellent writing!
Pilgrim - yes, it is indeed
Marcela - Happy New Year to you, too, my friend!
Michael - like the Olympics of Bitching, huh?
bendan bendan - is that you you? or is it your sister?
trudge - I believe it is. ewwwwww.
scanner - my inner bitch will take care of that.
new number 2 - well, fine then
Tor - the idea of getting on with life appeals to you, too, huh?
Joan - ah, bitch and ye shall receive - truer words were never spoken. ;-)
WAH - no, never!
Boomer - Amen, brother!
Duane - Hey, I like you new avatar - too cool! And I say that with absolutely no bitchiness at all.
Fusun - cooking is the *F* word in my vocabulary
Skel - My inner bitch is forever looking for a chance to flex her muscles. I try to keep her quieted down with chocolate, but it doesn't always work. I'm fine, my friend. Thanks for asking. :-)
The cutie pie with the hairy pits is just some random stick-man off the street. Shameless, isn't he/she?
Rated
Oh OH OHH! Heck yes!