SEPTEMBER 7, 2011 4:26AM

Feeling blessed, grateful and thankful

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I’m on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve cried tears of joy. I’ve cried tears of pain. And at times, well, I’ve just cried.

My attorney called today. The judge came back with a decision after a week of deliberating in regards to the custody of my youngest daughter. He ruled in my favor. The judge also ordered to dissolve the marriage, which means I’m officially divorced.

I wasn’t expecting the latter piece of news. I was expecting another court date, another court hearing in which my ex and I would face each other one last time. But there are no assets to split. Aside from the few pieces of furniture I kept, I lost everything, including two homes, in the bankruptcy.

The words “you are officially divorced” took me by surprise. It’s what I’ve been working towards for over a year, but I wasn’t expecting today to be the day.

I envisioned circling the date on a calendar, preparing myself for another court appearance and preparing myself for the day that I would sign some sort of divorce decree. I wasn’t prepared to hear that it had already been done, my presence not needed.

I’m not complaining. I’m just processing. I’m also accepting -- accepting that this chapter of my life is now closed.

As one dear friend put it, today was “bittersweet.” And she’s right. I fought for my daughter and for her best interests, and I won. Still, it’s sad.

I made time in the afternoon to talk with my girls, separately, about the news.

My oldest didn’t have much time, she was in a rush to get to school, but I quickly filled her in. Later that afternoon, and for the first time since Christmas, she sent me a text message that simply said “I love you.”

When it came to telling my youngest, I got nervous. I wasn’t sure how she would react, but I had mentally prepared myself for the worst.

“Your dad and I are no longer married… We are now divorced,” I explained.

She looked up, as if she were in deep thought, digging for the right words to say. 

“I’m OK with it.”

I was stunned. I was amazed. I was relieved!

She went on to tell me that she wants to join the Choir group at school and that I needed to fill out the permission slip. Someone get me a pen!

We then went on with the rest of our evening.

For dinner, I made shredded beef tacos.  My oldest daughter and her best friend (aka my “adopted son”) devoured them.  

We ended the night explaining to the little one that Journey came before Glee and not the other way around which led to a jam session on Rock Band.

They’re still upstairs, singing (if you can call it that) and jamming out to “Don’t Stop Believin’.” 

In the meantime, I’m downstairs, sitting in my big chair, feeling blessed... feeling grateful... and feeling thankful.



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Seems fitting that I am making hte first comment. I am sorry and I know what you are going through. I am 43 and when I was 29 I got divorced with 3 little ones under 5. I didn't have to fight for custody and I did have a little over two years to prepeare for the divorce that I was pursuing. BUt let me tell you, even with all that time and with having fallen in love already, the day that paper came in the mail and I saw our names with a VS dividede them and the official 'divorced' stamped. well, I cried and I cried bitter sweet tears of the failure of a love and the good-by of a life that once was so filled with hopes and dreams.
Life goes on, as you know. Our kids survive and we find new rhythms, but the grief will come and go. Don't fight it, it would be futile. Rather let it float through and past you and remember why life is better now...or it will be soon. The fact that your child said, " I'm ok with it' says it all. You did the right thing and you will be happy again...you will be happy again.

Warmly,

Tara
I have a companion I see. I did all the divorce paperwork myself, and for a $45 court fee, it was over. We had nothing, only a parting of the ways!