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APRIL 13, 2012 2:06PM

And the Journey Continues

Rate: 27 Flag

I sit this morning at the airport, awaiting my flight to Tucson.  The plan was for me to spend the next 3 weeks with my Mom, as she comes home from the Nursing Home. (See last post for that story).  Only thing, she's not going home.

All at the Nursing Home, from the physical therapist, doctor, social worker, told her she could not live alone.  the social worker actually told her she would have to sell her condo.  It took days to calm mom down after that conversation.  But, truth be told, she cannot live by herself.  But how to tell Mom?

My sister (16 years my junior) has been in Tucson for the past week and a half orchestrating an amazing scenario of people, places and things.  Just yesterday, the perfect place was found and Mom was moved in about 4:00pm.

I know no more than that, as at about 4:00pm yesterday I was driving my oldest daughter home from a tonsolectomy (under the "influence") with two crying babies in the back seat, while "baby mom" went to get her sisters pain meds from the pharmacy, pick up the baby daddy and go to a chiropractic appt. 

My sister called and I did not answer.  She will pick me up at the Tucson airport this afternoon, so I decided I would just be "surprised"!

The good news is that I may finally have a little time on OS during the next 3 weeks as i will be staying at Mom's apt by myself.

I'll keep you posted.

And now for the real reason of this post!

Addy Brook Ears 1 smaller

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i know that lots of you have been in this situation. I want this to be my Mom's decision....or at least have her "think" its her decision. any pointers from my OS friends are always appreciated. ♥
Ahhh!!Two beauties except for the big ears. Probably on his side of the family, !:-) I have the story from hell about my mother-in-law and how no nursing home will take her in if she doesn't want to do go, which she doesn't, and she is a danger to herself and others. She wandered off yesterday and someone picked her up. Thank God, they knew her, but.., It's tearing the family apart.
I feel for you Trilogy, although I have been luckier. My parents, both in their late 80's decided on their own to move to an assisted living home before having to. They were fit enough to meet and make new friends before major health issues started to put a cramp in their life style.
I hope you and your family find the appropriate solution to satisfy everyone.
Good luck.
What a great photo, they both look capable of picking up the torch for your mother.
R
I wish for a good outcome for all involved in this Trilogy.
I can't give ya any pointers but I am sure enjoying the growth of those two precious little twins....
Ah, Trilogy. The journey continues for sure. But my God, those bunnies have to make things so much better! They are perfect! ~r
First your Granddaughters are so beautiful and I love their little ears. Second I guess it depends on how your mom is doing mentally. Our mom was starting to show dementia so I could tell her everytime I visited that she was too sick to go home but soon when she was better. She never got better so this worked for us. Mom never knew we moved her out of her home, she never knew she had no home to go back too. Maybe this will work for you?
A lot of times my mom comes up with the decision herself after non judgemental talking, sometimes a lot of it. There were times we had to push too. Our situation it was about my dad's care and now about her staying in a large home alone. Best of luck, and if she has all her faculties, she may come to it herself when asked about a master plan, how she is going to handle things.
Your Babies are Gorgeous~ BUNNIES ~Adorable thanks for the pick me up today Tril. hang in there. Write often, we care.
Now that picture makes for a Happy Easter!
That's pretty darn cute stuff -- Bet your Mom will love that photo. Don't envy your trip, but I hope the Mom takes a deep breath in and says okay, this is where I am. It must be really hard for her. Kudos to your family for working together on this, it really makes a difference to all of you. Best...
Trilogy, after a hard post to post, I think, so sweet to end with the babies. But I want to think on this because although it sounds like little sister pulled off a miracle, surely this won't be the end of it for your mom. My experience with Alzheimer's has been nil, in part bec. my damned family dies before we get to old age issues. But I do know couples who choose assistant living and LOVE it. Of course, if your mom wanders and CANNOT CHOOSE to live there but has to, it kinda hurts I imagine. Or will sometimes. The part I do not like is that a stranger told her she had to sell her condo. That is not cool. Family first. Hope you have success and that she likes being around others, not alone. Must now read your last post. Never a dull moment hmm? love you, R
Be prepared for a lot of disorientation when you get her settled in a new place. All her mental pathways for "where do I keep my toothbrush" and "where does the milk go" will have to be redone, and that is very hard at her age. When my husband's grandfather went to assisted living, he kept losing things. Everything. He went through four sets of teeth. He kept losing the TV remote. Couldn't find scissors, tape, tea, anything. Re-learning a new space was devilishly hard.
These are never easy transitions. I hope it all goes smoothly and that you get her settled into a place where she can be both comfortable and safe.
I am so sorry for your situation. Having never been in it I have no advice, except warm wishes for all of you. Those bunnies are so cute I just want to squeeze them./r
What precious babies! Be well while you're at your mom's and know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.
It's good that can be with your mom, and also write about it. And as for those little bunnies, nothing could be cuter.
Sometimes the decision has to be made for a loved one, Tril. Having her think it's her decision is clearly the best of both worlds. Those little dolls are too precious.
Those little ones are just PERFECT!
Thinking of you in the days ahead.
~R~
Thanks all.
Scanner: Yes, unfortunately they all have free will and the other problem is if they don't have the money trying to find a place that will take State insurance, Medicare, etc. sorry about your M-I-L
Out On A Limb: It certainly makes me think hard about what I will do hopefully, before I get to that stage.
Mission & Joanie - thanks for your support
Lunchlady: My mom does not have dementia - thankfully - but she's pretty aware of what's going on and pretty stubborn too.
Rita: Thanks so much for caring. that means alot.
Thanks Tom & MH
Wendy: Good to see you here. No, it's not Alzheimers - just physical. I too was very angry at that social worker for saying what she did. But, too, it did plant a seed.
Froggy: thanks for understanding - 4 sets of teeth? My mom has macular degeneration so doesn't see very well. The remote is one of the hardest things for her to deal with.
Thanks jl; thanks Christine
Oh the trip was well worth the effort. Look at those two ....
.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥ (ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★(ˆ◡ˆ) ♥⋯ ❤ ⋯ ★
I appreciate your story of your mom.
Wow! That Easter Bunny sure "gets around"! Are those rabbits or kids? Or maybe they're kibbits? (*smiling happily*)

Best to you with your mom.......

;-)
.
You have my sympathy having been through all this with my late father. Here, the decision has to be that of the person concerned unless dementia is involved and that can prove very tricky. I hope your Mum agrees to the move and will settle well.

Two beautiful Easter bunnies there. A photo to treasure.
You're in Tuscon by now. Hope things are going well.
Lovely baby bunnies! I'm glad they bring you joy, in the midst of all that Sandwich Generation stress.
Totally love it!!!!!! The picture that is.

Sorry about the news that you Mom can no longer be independent. The thing is a friend of mine whose husband had medical issues over 3 years ago which left him incapacitated, probably should be in some kind of facility. If it were not for her devotion and her daughters, and fill in nurses, he would be in a home. What she is doing however, is aging her, stealing her life from her and it almost looks like indentured servitude. I know it is not, but I hear it in her voice and being in her 70's I am trying to understand why her daughters and she are still on this path. I know it bothers her as she reports to me the years, months, days to me when she speaks to me that she has been doing this. I make her laugh and they we talk business, but you know, I used to travel with her regarding our issues and she can no longer do any of that, why? She cannot get away. She called me from the hospital yesterday as her husband needed assistance there. My parents and in laws have all passed and I don't know what I would do, but I see what this is doing to her and I wonder if he would not be better off in a home where she could visit him, but also leave.
It is extremely difficult.No one wants to be told that they cannot live at home. But deep inside most of us know it, when it is time. I moved my parents near me so that I could visit them at least 3X a week. It helped, but they still longed for their home. When Mom went to the nursing home I asked the Assisted living folks to handle it for me. I followed with some new clothes, pictures, and her "favorite stuff". In any event none of us wants it. She rebelled at first, but as her dementia progressed, the hallway became her home.
She was a different mother then. I loved her still.
My dear, I am just at the "sorta" start of this journey with my mom. Yesterday, she wished me "Happy New Year" out of the blue. The other day, she thought President Roosevelt was doing a bang-up job. Then, she becomes almost entirely lucid. It breaks my heart -- all she is slowly losing. It makes me wonder about growing old. I am a "fixer" and this is something unfixable, like a leaking boat you can only bail for so long. Know that I understand and send you (and your Mom) my best wishes, even if I don't know exactly what to wish for.
Trilogy,
I missed this the other day ... sorry you are going through this with your mother. I really have no words of advice except to take care of yourself while you help to take care of her. It is all a learning experience (& quite challenging at times). Chances are your relationship with her will deepen. I know mine with my mother did. It is the twilight of her life but there is still a special kind of light if we keep our eyes (and hearts) open to see (and feel) it.

In your world, I imagine you are in the middle of a whole lot of care taking, from the elderly to the precious babies. I'm glad you have one to balance the other. Now my question ... I remember last time the babe on the left was crying, and the one on the right, was wide-eyed. Are these babes in the photos in the same position as last time?

I love the arms stretched to each other in this.
Scarlett - thanks for all the understanding. you are right. The babe on the left was crying (Addyson) and they are in the same position. right babe (Brooklyn) seems to be smiling a lot more often than her sister. But in my experience..having had twins of my own...they always seemed to switch places.
Seer: Thanks so much. you don't know how much I appreciate the listening ear.
My mother fought it for as long as she could, until her children became exhausted and her mind could no longer fit together the words to protest. I hope yours has more of her mind available to see it as a good thing. I wish I knew what to say to make it easier, just that you truly know it is the best.
Your little bunnies are adorable.
rated with love
sorry i'm so late. i read this yesterday but didn't have time to comment. i hope things are going well in tucson. the situation is dicey and unpleasant (and all too familiar), but you'll find a way to get through it. a hint might be that sometimes it's actually easier to let the bad news comes from a doc/nurse/social worker instead of having to tell it yourself (and in our sad case, the old woman who was fading fast took all bad news better from someone who wasn't me). it's a very tough time, and i wish you strength through it, marlene.
Only reading your words now and as I read them, so many memories come back. Sometimes, I came to feel that there may not be a right or wrong, but only the best that they and we can do. Thinking of you, Tril, and listening.