It is that time in life when all things sane must come to a screeching halt because the son is applying for college. Being an Indian-American parent, I should have known about such things and been all on the ball with facts and figures at my finger tips. I should be throwing pearls of brown-wisdom to him about where he would have a fair chance and which one was a long shot.
Sadly for my son, I turned out to be one of those negligent parents. The downhill slide started right from the start. While other women were comparing notes about when their precious darlings were walking or talking I was dealing with earning the bread. They were born, that much I was sure. I played with them, talked and told stories, read to them, fed and cleaned, cooked and swiped and stocked the home with books. Did I also have to know the exact point in time when they walked or talked?
Last year I went to a party (something I try to avoid). Trying my best to fit in, I was breezily regaling random people with stories about my older daughter who was just one hour away, getting her DPT. Feeling all puffed up because hey! She was okay. Suddenly someone blindsided me with “Which college is she in?” For the moment I forgot…Holy smokes! Instead of giving a smart reply I simply said, “You know I cannot seem to remember!” Oooooooooooo! That did not go over well. One of the ladies looked very prim and proper and told me off. Are you sure she is your daughter… you are very irresponsible?!” I simply called her all kinds of names in my head.
Have you ever gone through that feeling after an incident, when one feels I should have said this, that, or the other? But I had not said them and now I was doomed into an endless cycling of ideas of what could have been. Was she the one looking after my daughter’s needs or paying her college tuition, cooking for her, supporting her through her love life or being the rock in her life? What the …? Did she pay our taxes? Who the heck was she anyway?
Meanwhile the son is up now and I still don’t have a clue. The counselor from his high school had no idea who he was! (Good work kid, nice time to stay under the radar!) She said his GPA is not yet known, his rank a mystery, but her recommendation would be fine, not to worry. She did not even know who he was… and I should not worry?? That is exactly when hope kicked in, as it always has in my life. I began hoping that his own efforts will get him through. He is smart, he scored fair enough in the ACT or SAT or whatever acronyms are fashionable these days. He is a black belt at Tae Kwon-Do. The mentor said he did a good enough job at research in his lab. He seems to be on the ball. Isn’t it enough that we, the first generation immigrants have by our choice, forced the unique challenges that our children face by having to have to blend in?
About all this networking and pimping that one is supposed to apparently be doing with the college counselors just to scrape their kids in through the door? Well how does that work when the kid cannot stay in? Won’t he come sliding out under if he were not capable in the first place? His mentor seemed to think that we should get an “admissions coach” since that is what is “done”. We have fear-less/full-y resisted the urge.
The other day Jon Stewart trotted this young 22 year old, William Kamkwamba on “The Daily Show”. A young man who at 14, put together a windmill from junk to generate electricity for his house in his village in Malawi, Africa without ever having learnt Physics or Engineering. He has to now study for SAT to get into a school in the US (which is ludicrous)! His confidence and demeanor were astounding and I wondered if our kids here even KNOW or realize that they are competing with the Williams out there in the world who deserve every bit of chance at a good education. The playing field has been leveled, the world is indeed flat. I say to our kids, “Go out there and give it a good healthy competitive try to find the one field/s that makes you tick and kick and persevere and work hard to be excellent at it. That is the key to success. It is you who will make your college, not the other way around…I am sure of it!”
After word: Btw does the entire world know about the cost of colleges except me? My daughter got a scholarship in the local state school and did not even LOOK at a brochure! I am still in that old bubble where we got our Masters from University of Calcutta, on peanuts, and during my experimental phase for grad studies, the Government of India (UGC) paid me!!!!!!!! NOW I feel even more the heel that I am for running out. Out of the 400 graduating along with me in 1987, many packed their toothbrush and struck out for opportunities abroad. Today, a good 20 years later US maybe losing out on the same educational brain treasure with the reverse brain drain in full force! The backdrop of the stage of life changes so dramatically!
12/154/09 UPDATE: Engineering School of Cornell University: early decision.... done!
Driving license after 3 tries.....done! ecstatic!
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Kevin Army
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Comments
R~
I feel your pain. R
Hey i dont get to dream that often. let me be....! the reality of my life keeps me trying and hoping ....loving every second of it.
Yes, college is ridiculously expensive. I will be paying off my student loans til I'm fifty, probably. It's really awful.
I was told it was state school and very cheap so i better not say anything. i was guest at the time...i was NOT going to anyway. it has remained with me....
Note to everyone: There only FIVE or maybe SIX very expensive schools (k-12) in the United States that provide a decent education--they have their OWN curriculum. The rest of the schools in the US teach shit. I know some would read this and say oh no my child's school is great: no, it is shit. I am sorry to burst so many bubbles.
Therefore, it is really up to the student in higher education, regardless of which college.
Wise and funny post, Traveller1,
Rated.
A self learner s the same all over the world.He/She needs no teacher no motivator and in today's world of comm can actually self learn and shine. But how many are self learners?
I used to audit classes here. I soon found out that though my foundations were extremely strong..wa-ay stronger than most of my colleagues, my power to extrapolate and think creatively was weak.
That is because back home they never encouraged creativity in science. Information was handed down to us and we had to simply learn it. Questions were frowned upon and curiosity was punished.
I think we can all agree that most inventions and discoveries are still west-dominated and thus must be the outcome of nurtured creativity.
I too think like Zuma that the college years are what counts. Not the institution itself necessarily but the years from 18-28. Who one meets , who influences the thought process , and what one learns from life and knocks. That is what makes us who we are the rest of our lives.
I still think Zuma that education only gives a human the confidence to speak out and communicate what they develop a talent for. The talent comes from loving the subject one finally chooses to study.
I say that if one works at something they love and do it well everything else falls into place in life. There are others who will argue that money is the only pure and honest incentive. I say it is a by-product.
but then I can afford to say that because I comment sipping iced water with a roof over my head. Just yesterday I came to know that the youngsters in India who a year ago were going gangbusters are all out of jobs. The situation gets frightening and I cannot but be worried for the kids all over the world.
Good luck to you both...and to heck with the woman who has nothing better to do than scold you.