Your closet, Indiana, France
July 16
President and CEO of Your Mom
Your closet
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!


Tinkerertink69's Links

JUNE 15, 2012 3:04AM


Rate: 41 Flag




Ho! Ho! Hee! Hee! Haa! Haa!

I remember a long time ago, there were 'Writers' on here, as far as the eye could see.

Ya couldn't walk five feet without stepping on one of them.

"Watch it! I am a writer!" said in some sort of 'I r better than u' voices that makes you want to take a dull teaspoon and dig out their eyes and force feed them it.

But then the 'Writers' decided they would rather take a slow boat to nowhere and off they went, ten by two, three by nine, onto the boat.

"You'll regret staying!" they shouted out from the poop deck.

But the ones who stayed didn't listen.

"We're bloggers. The best kind, we blog for free!"

The Writers wrote letters:

"Dear sucker, having swell time on boat, the sea sickness is only twice every hour instead of four or five times! I hear you got a new Ed I Tor, what's their name? Your friend, Ua Sukee Riter."

And still, we stayed.

Months went by, we waited for word that our old Ed I Tor had left and they were still working on the Spam problem.

And we waited.

A burp from the office of Salon.

We gasped.

"Could this be it?"

Nope, it was just the building settling.

We blogged.

"My life as a Transsexual Taxi Cab Driver" did not get an EP, but a Readers' Pick.

"Thank you readers!" Dainty Sid wrote back.  "I didn't think anyone cared!"

Then something happened.

"What?" cried the crowd.

I farted. 


"You're no longer allowed to drink Dr. Pepper!" wifey says from three counties over.

Yes, it was that bad.

But still, no word.

The Writers, the ones who said everything was great at their new site, wrote again.


"Dear monkey spank, we are sorry to say that our new site is gone.  We had so much fun writing we didn't notice the big hole in the wall that let the sea water in and most of us drowned.  But just the ones who thought they were writers but who should have stayed with you.  We seek out a new site!"

Monkey Spank was happy to be remembered, his readership had gone down by 20 over the last month or so.

I tried to tell him it was the spring-summer months, it always dropped a bit during those months.

"Do you think the Spammers read us Tink?"

"Someone is." I replied.

I decided computer time was cutting into my movie viewing time so I slipped out the back door and watched 'J. Edgar Hoover' which needs to go back tomorrow.

Things I learned -

1. Always wear a nice tie!

2. Before you die, make sure to tell your long time secretary to burn everything, including your long time partner in crime.

3. Richard Nixon talked funny. Burn him too.

4. Don't listen to your mother and refuse to have her teach you to dance. BE A DAISY!! Daisies are pretty! You like being pretty don't you?

5. What's wrong with sleeping with men? I've slept with a few men.  Some of them snored but that's what ear plugs are for.

I had already learned #5 before watching the movie. 

I could write ten posts on the men in my life, all ten of them.

There was Steve, my home economic partner. 

We both had signed up for home-ec thinking we'd get a class full of hot girls instead, we got two girls who decided making cakes and bread was just too homo-erotic for them and left mid-semster.

Steve was captain of the football team. 

"You make nice buns!" Steve told me as we stood side by side one day at our station.

"You do too!" I giggled.

"Do you want to study tonight at my house. My mom's on a business trip!"


We studies till our eyes drooped then shut.  We awoke a few hours later, the clock striking Four A.M.

"Oh Jesus, Tink, what will people think?"

I shrugged. "Do you wanna go to the prom with me?"

"Would I?"

I wore pink with matching shoes.

Steve wore a tux.

(Not really! But we did get voted cutest couple in Home-Ec and I did ask Steve out to the prom but he took his mom instead. I understood, she didn't get to go to her prom! I STILL LOVE YOU STEVE....)


Steve's married now.

Twelve kids.

They live in New Jersey.

Or France.


Hell if I know. I stopped writing him when I went off to college and he became a priest.






Somewhere in the cycle of things, I fell in love with a poet. 

His name was Hank.

He wrote sweet poems of love to me from state prison.

He should be out in 30 to 35 more years.

That reminds me of a story, a letter I wrote to Vanna White but never sent accidentally got thrown away by my mother last week.

I didn't know about it till my phone rang and it was Vanna White.

Somehow, the letter had found its way to her.

"Did you write a letter to me in 1989 but never sent it?"


"It was wonderful..." the phone went dead.

Oh god, did the Russian mob finally catch up to Vanna White and killed her, like in those fan-fictions I wrote but never published and my mom threw them away as well last week.

The phone rang again.

"This is the Russian mob! Did you write fan-fiction about Vanna White getting killed by shoving vowel up her butt? WE DID IT!!"


No, no, seriously, Vanna White cannot be killed.

She is immoral!

Did I spell that right?

I guess.

"Pull my finger!! Dumbass!! HUHUHUHUH!"

Remember, buy your father something nice. 

"But my father is dead, Tink!"

Then buy him something really nice!

What happens to the time?

Where does it go?


Doesn't that hurt?

Good night and have a better tomorrow...

Author tags:

i was crazy once, crazy

Your tags:


Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:


Type your comment below:
ok, I've run out of toes...
I've been crazy for years!! Possibly since 1971!! ~:D

Heehee! Haha! Hoho!! BINGO!! :D
A Little? You need to be Full-Blown Nuts.
Blogging is managing our own Nuthouse.
We'd be happy in DC at the White House?
All the nuts run for political office. Lawyers.
I haven't unpacked my stinky P.U. Truck.
There is a squirt bottle of Tink69 Buck Lure.
I saw a add somewhere. Here? Buy @ $4.98.
I may clean the truck before the fall arrives.
Just go back to Nova Scotia. They are calm.
I always Believe in the `Good Kinda Crazy.
I'd pull her finger.
I'd moo-cow shake.
You pump her hand.
You milk her palm.

It's not too crazy.
It's a farmer dap.
You get slapped.
Um, I really want to pull that chick's finger. Does that mean I'm a prevert?
there used to be real actual true to life writers here? thank gawd they're gone otherwise we wouldnt have room for all the crazies.
Art, ~nodding~ Full blown crazy works the best here! ~:D

Nana, si, it does!! Now youse go watch LIVE STREAMING SOCCER ON NRL...DONKEYS VS. KILLER MONKEYS!! WOOO!! :D

lori, nah, not really. Real writers wouldn't touch this place with a fifty mile pole!! ~:D
Once...? You're on fire today! Where did all the "writers" go anyway? There's no place like home... :-)
I don't know about you guys, but I find that mingxmaodffdd has a lot of interesting things to say about Louboutin shoes. I faved.

Embrace the spammers, we've tried just about everything else.
i could only tread water for so long ...
I did not give you permission to use my sister's photo. (Not the one w the typewriter, silly.)

Cut me some slack. The day I was born? My Old Man fell out of his airplane. And you think you got issues? Well actually you do have issues. I got issues. All God's Chillun got issues. Have a Tissue.

I've met Vanna White. And you sir are no Vanna White.

Laugh if you will, but I was a writer back when writers were actually writers, not "content Providers" and paid for their work.
daisies are pretty....
Vanna White forwarded your letter to me for translation. You left out all the vowels.
Okay, no one has ever explained the whole finger pulling thing to me. The first time I was asked to pull one I was a little kid and all the adults laughed. Could that be why all of your posts make absolute sense to me?
oh great...there's no true writers here?........that means my stuff looks like crap compared to people who CAN'T write....jus great....puttin a quarter stick in a mouse'e ass and sendin him to ya....
haha. you whacky puss! I need a pet. Will you be mine? Here catty cat...:-)
The pic of the chimp at thetype writer reminded me of what Kerry Laureman and ed-i-tor said at the press conference launching Open Salon: "Our business model will be that if you put enough monkeys at typewriters, one of them will write Hamlet." Hasn't worked so far. Watch where you step on the poop deck. PS I think I will borrow the pic as my new profile shot. R
ahh, the wonderful buzzing of free form thoughts though I miss the clicking of good old typewriter keys, the scent of mimeograph paper ( and that glazed expression of teachers after twenty years of mimeograph); convenient phones staying where they belonged on the periphery of existence.... Forgot what your post was about but I am smiling so I must have enjoyed it.
So true, so true. rated.
Uz stil Kwazy!!! Stupid Kat, farts and wanders off into bramble patch to find Brair Rabbit.
1. I am not wearing a nice tie.
2. Vanna White scares me.
3. Getting through the bots to the real writing here is like picking through the alfalfa sprouts to find the lettuce in your salad.
When people become crazier than yourself its time to think the situation ahahha
The Situation? Jersey Shore style?
yes they be crazies too hahaha
I walk the borders of sanity
Patrolling the perimeter of lucidity
Always on the lookout for the irrational

Sometimes, I skirt to the other side
In order to speak with my informants
And the things they tell me

Would make you shudder

Usually, though, I just walk the beat
Swinging my baton and whistling
That same old ditty about a cat

Top Cat, I think was his name
How he used the police phone box
To call out for Pizza or Chinese

I never take the time to hang out
In the sane side of Donut Haven
Because I think donuts should be filled

With things that make you shudder

To the once and future Krazy Kat of Open Salon, a Free Beer.
This is immortal! Wait...did I spell that write? (rated and RP nominated)
I love the way your little TinkTink brain works.
Tink, I came here for inspiration, what I got was? I'm not really sure, but at least some things never change. R
Tink, I came here for inspiration, what I got was? I'm not really sure, but at least some things never change. R
For the "real writers" of Open Salon (or more accurately, self-proclaimed real writers).

My only question would be, "Does This Make Sense"?

BTW, what happened to that site anyway?
I think it's nice that prom cat danced with the short, ugly dog in the senior class. That will make a good subject for a college application essay.
I understand that there is a movement to change Uranus' name to eliminate that joke, they want to call it urectum.

What the heck would you know about crazy - you're as sane as I am?!!

*don't answer that*

When you find out where the writers went, can you let me know? I might want to go there too....after I finish watching Argentina versus the fighting Penis Fish of Brazil that yppypphsldkfjs posted...
I will never forget that night that J. Edgar Hoover and I shared that Motel 6 room in El Paso.
Deeply profound and moving, your story made my heart ache and simultaneously leap with joy. I was going to be crazy and write but when I checked my schedule it was a Monday and I already had things to do.

Love the photo of your handsome gray friend with the mane and Uggs boots. Was that Steve or Hank? I'd like Uggs boots, my feet hurt. They always hurt but other things hurt more and I don't have a time slot open to complain about my feet until Sunday afternoon.

Time to go mow the lawn or look for real writers so the worms can escape. Wait. What day and time is it? Oh yeah, it's Wednesday at noon. Good morning and have a better yesterday, serenity and chaos to you!
Ah the glory days gone by... But you're still here Tink, and that's all that really matters.

If you and Scanner poof, however, I'm pretty sure the rest of us are screwed.

Hell, I've been gone so long that I could have had brain...never mind.

I torpedoed that site, btw...just so you know. OS forever!
Yeah, I remember the good old days. What was it, six seven weeks ago? Pull my finger.
Pavanne, I think they went to Yahoo! I could be wrong...:D

V. I like VDFGH HGFDV. They really make me want to watch live stream of rugby. I haven't watched a good rugby match in YEARS!!!!


Chuck, ~nodding~ Welcome back to the Asylum! We've missed ya!! ;D

Jonathan, she said it was okay, you'd understand(I didn't even know you were a cat!! ;D)

John, the day I was born, my mom dropped me on my head. And did it again through out my life a total of 9,873 more times before I was 1!!




jane, they are!! ~nodding~ :)

jl, exactly!! DFFFDFGH is an awesome writer too!! ~:D

phyllis, that or your brain is completely gone, replaced with pudding pops! I LOVE PUDDING POPS!! What?


Steel, it's okay, who needs to be a great writer when ya got mice with dynamite in their butts!! What?

I don't know, I just live here!! ~:D

Pandora, I am everyone's pet!! PURRRRRRRRR!! ;D

Gerald, exactly!! And so far that plan has worked!! MONKEYS WRITING FOR HOURS HAVE COME OUT WITH GONE WITH THE WIND...

Damn monkeys!! We said Shakespeare!! HISSSSS!! :D

kenneth, Ahhhhhhhhhh...good times. Yes, what were we talking about? OH yes, no wait....I forget!! :D

Pierre, that makes you a survivor!! I think.....I stayed, which also makes me...survivor??? YES! YES!! ~nods~ ~:D

Deborah, plus Open has nice cushy chairs to sit in!! I forgot that part!! :)

jmac, don't look too hard. Workin' for Salon trying to figure out the spam problem!!

"Spam Problem? We ain't got no spam problem, all inside your head!!!"


nile, but I likes sprouts!! ~:D

Kate, I've been a Pepper for a long time now. Possibly was born with a bottle!! What? :D

Linda, The Situation drinks water now!! AT THE CLUB!! He doesn't drink no more......OH NOZE!! WORLD GONE TOO CRAZY! ABORT! ABORT!! :D


dunnite, ~happy beat with my feet.......JAZZ MAN, THAT'S JAZZ!!! What? :D

Seer, my parole officer says GOOD THING TOO!! :D

Boaner, we drink like men, even if we ain't, then we drink like women, and as both, we'll paint our toe nails orange and our hair blue!!

"Hey Tink, I ain't got no hair!"

Then paint your scalp blue!! IT'S FREE BEER NIGHT AT THE COPA!!!! WOOO!! :D

Matt, I thank you from the bottle of my cold dead squirrel's head!!!

Yes, I said bottle!!


Victoria, ahhh, thanks!! ~blushes~ :D

Blu, I hope you found....uh...inspiration? :D

steve, I think it went the way of the dingo with a baby, out to the great outdoors where it could be free!! FREE!!!

I think Nikki wanted to see where the dingo went too. But she came back cause, "I really didn't want to know THAT much!" :D

Con, ~nodding~ Ugly dogs need to dance too!! ~nodding~ ~:D

bobbot, ~nodding~ I think it would be for the best!! ~:D

sky, EXACTLY!! We're sane!! The rest of the world is insane!!! GOD DURN IT!! :D

Frank, will do!! I don't think any of us will ever leave. Too much good stuff to read. Right now, the Feed is full of awesome stuff!!!

I didn't even know about the NRL!!!!


LIVE STREAMING GOLF TOO!!!??? We are happy...~zzzzz~ :D

lefty, you should blog more about your time with Edgar. ~nodding~ :D

Bleue, ~nodding~ It's all about the Jazz hands!! KWAZY BEAT!! :D
I tawt I taw a puddy tat.
Oh man, Tink, you have seriously got to adjust your meds.
I read this and I start to get manic.
But the depressive goes right out the window.
So that's a good thing.
I'd like to buy a vowel....

Walter, the meds I thought I was taking, we're just tic-tacs!! :( :D

Poor Woman, TWO OF THEM!! :D
the cat pic had me laughing! once?