Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
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Your closet, Indiana, France
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July 16
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President and CEO of Your Mom
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Your closet
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Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
MAY 1, 2012 7:37PM

ONLY THE LONELY - ONLY FOOLS FALL IN LOVE!

Rate: 18 Flag

 

 Tink note: Posted over at Zoomers.ca in response to this week's "Writer's Challenge", Only the Lonely.  Decided, what the hell, I'd post it here.

Dedicated to my sister Helga who seemingly falls in love at a drop of a hat, quicker then even I!

Good night and have a better tomorrow...

Only the Lonely 

ONLY THE LONELY --- WHAT'S LOVE GOTTA DO WITH IT?

Love is a serious problem when dealt with incorrectly.

These chances of improper love handling can increase dramatically as the lonely factor rises.

I have known a few people who have been struck with the ‘Dumb’ factor as they fall down the rabbit hole known as love, especially ‘Internet’ love, where the person(s) meets someone online, either through a dating site, chat site, or other site.

“I’ve met my soul mate!” is usually how the conversation begins with them to me. “He’s the one!”

I nod.  

“You’d like him; he’s a lot like you, only funnier!”

Right there, I do NOT like this guy.

Funnier than me?

The hell you say.

Days later:  “He left me! FOR HIS WIFE!”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, he said he was going to try and work out his marriage! THAT BITCH filled his head with lies about me! That is it! Has to be! The only way to explain it!”

“Uh, he was married?”

“Yes, yes, but he told me he wasn’t in love with her anymore, just me, I was his true soul mate!”

“How romantic!”

“Isn’t it though?”

I shake my head.

“He’ll be back! WE ARE ONE!”

And it goes on like this for days, weeks, months, even years.

Yes, my friends, love, if done wrong, can go on for years.

Painful rash, swelling of the rectal glands, irritability, bleeding from the eyes, ears and nose, etc. etc.

The Lonely keep wandering the streets looking for an angry fix, a ‘Aren’t you a cutie?’ will do in a jam but what they really look for is ‘THE ONE’, their mate, if the word has to be used.

They will growl at you, literally, if you try to tell them that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t the ONE and maybe they should just stop looking and maybe, once they’re not looking, THE ONE will show up for legit.

“I’ve tried! I really have…BUT I LOVES HIM!!!!”

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Then something happens, “I’m over him!”

“Really?”

“Yes, you were right, what’s the matter with me?”

“I don’t know, maybe got the flu?”

Course, relapses can and will occur.

“He called me! He wants me back! I’m so lucky!”

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

This doesn’t just affect the lonely, I’ve seen supposedly happily married people get hit and run off to Paris(Texas) to be with their ONE!

And not just women, men have fallen down the rabbit hole and been sucked into, “You’ll like her, she’s just like you, only funnier!”

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Comments

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Tink ~ there are soul mates and then there are sole mates when we find that darned other shoe that was missing for a week!
Well, so much for funny. Puff just had another little seizure. I'm off.
designanator, sole mates are harder to find!!! ~nodding~ :D

phyllis, :( I sorry. Hope Puff will be alright!
THIS TIME IT WILL BE FOREVER!!!!!!! I promise I promise I promise I promise ...
Sorry to be a downer. This isn't a small one like the others. I'm pretty worried. Good thoughts would be appreciated.
"he's like you, only funnier"
well damn, shoot that boy on sight, who needs competition?!
fwiw, the term soul mates- or the one....eh, now that is some scary shit. Does anyone really believe that? Oh, yeah, that's right, I married/divorced/stayed with one. Damn, what ever happened to "my best friend..the person I share my home, animals, friends, family, finances, bed with"? Why isn't that good enough? Everyone's gotta be in love. Love is stupid. Not that I'm, uh, not looking, or anything, you know...sigh. It is stupid to want that though. It's just hormones trying to get you to breed. If you really wanted a repeatable sensation for the rest of your life you (one)(ok, me) should just jump for the drugs directly.

(sorry about your baby Phyllis- good thoughts being sent from here)
Is your sister Helga related to that woosey Hegel dude that James E. keeps yammering about?
You're dialing it down a little for the zoomers! Where are the phone sex grannies?
And now that she feels better she stumbled off of the bed and refuses to let me touch her. Cats.

At least all you have to deal with is irrational females.
left, I LUBS U!!! :D

phyllis, no need to be sorry!! Good thoughts and prayers heading that way!!!!!

Julie, exactly!! Love bites!! ~nod~ But it's cool too!! Stupid love!! ~:D

jmac, maybe!! ~:D

heron, those were in last week's post!! ~:D

phyllis, ~nod~ Us cats can be a handful!! One minute we want the attention, the next, LEAVE US ALONE!! HISS!! :D

(Seriously, glad she's okay.....)
Love is like the artichoke. You keep peeling and peeling and sucking off the leaves, scraping off the best part...nahhh....I got nothin'
Only fools fall in love with shoes they meet online- got to try 'em on for size first. Your soul mate will respect your soles, your hell mate will ask you to wear things you can't fit into without lots of lube and some amphetamines.
I just met this Nigerian princess who is a lot like the Russian hottie I met six months ago only hotter and funnier. I think this 1 out of 554,988,223 is my true soul mate. R
"Lather. Rinse Repeat." Tink, this is so funny I just keep chuckling over it. Nice rhythm to its tone, and wickedly funny besides.
(strictly) Platonic kisses to an ornery kitty!
PW
My sole mate is everywhere!

But then so is my halibut mate, my tuna mate, my trout mate, my..........;-)
.
Never say never Tink! I never used to believe soul mates existed. Or that I'd ever find anyone who completed me. Or that I'd ever refer to someone else as "my better half." And I never ever ever thought it could happen on the internet. Until I met someone online and fell hook line and cursor. Guess who it was? It was me! I stumbled over my profile on a dating site, I think it was Ohio Tractor Rental, Soybean Cash & Carry and Love 2 Go and I knew right away I was the one for me. We are so in love with each other we do everything together. We have no secrets from each other. We want to travel the world and adopt babies from every country we visit! Tell Helga to be patient and it'll happen.
Is this a blog about shoes? I love shoes!
Falling in love might be easy, but stating in love is really hard. However, Walgreens usually has a sale on flip flops before summer - 3 pairs for $10, asstd colors and sizes!
"Love Is The Drug" - Roxy Music
Funny? Funny how? Funny funny? Funny like a clown? Tell me, how am I funny!!!!!!!
Funnier than the Tinkmeister? PFFTT!!

As a man prone to frequent attacks of this terrible disease,I can only say love is bad, but the relapses are the worst.
ZUMA, me neither!!! ~:D

Bowl, ~nodding~ I think Dr. Oz said that once!!!! :D

Trudge, I'm happy for ya!!! ~:D

Poor Woman, ahh, thanks!! ~kissy kissy back~ :D

sky, NUMMMMMMMMY!! :D

Margaret, ahhh!! True love! I fell in love with myself but we broke up. Too many previous obligations!! ~:D

asia, I think so!! I LOVE SHOES TOO!! What? :D

ccdarling, ~nod~ I got mine already!! 3 for $15. I'm pretty rough on my flip flops!! ~:D

littlewillie, it makes you do stupid things!! :D

Kate, oh my yes!! ~:D

Chicken, you funny as in you shoot eggs out your butt!! hahahaha!! ~:D

icy, ~nod~ I tried to avoid it at all cost. Otherwise my wife gets pissed and tries to kill me!! What? :D