Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
Location
Your closet, Indiana, France
Birthday
July 16
Title
President and CEO of Your Mom
Company
Your closet
Bio
Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
APRIL 27, 2012 6:25PM

ADVICE TO OLD PEOPLE: Just kill yourself

Rate: 36 Flag

pic-via-httphotncoldfuturetumblrcom-31726-1249666019-15 

Every so often I'll stumble upon posts stating who and what someone writes for, the whys, the why nots.

I usually nod or say 'Fuck you Random Guy or Gal' and move along.

Sometimes, I want to comment, like, 'Well, I don't write for you neither jacknad!' but I don't, it just makes it easier for all concerned.

I don't really write for any particular generation.  I have a mix of ages in my readership and I read a mix of different ages.

The 1902s are my favorites but I've been known to peek in on the 2000s and shake my head and wander back to my 1222s!

Course this discussion always leads to the same topic, old people seemingly do need more care than the youngens and the oldies love to siphon off the social security funds.

Them old bastards!

Be ashamed.

My solution to this problem is really easy.

Old people, you just need to wander off into the frozen wasteland which is the back yard and die.

Be a good sport and dig your own grave before you go, make it easier for us to like dispose of your corpse.

Make sure you make a will leaving your millions of dollars to me.

Be nice like that and we might return the favor and put a nice headstone on your grave.

Probably not.

That way, years later, when Super Walmart builds a new store there, they'll find your remains and maybe, just maybe, you'll start an investigation.

Probably not.

So see, solution is easy.

You know what to do.

Yes, write a blog in return demanding that the Youngen Generation kill themselves!

It's the right thing to do!

Good night and have a better tomorrow.

P.S.

Who do I write for?

YOU!! AND ONLY YOU!! ~big smooch~

And my brother George!!!

HI!!!

 

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who i write for, nobody, hi

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Comments

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I appreciated the depth of hostility in Cook's post. You have done a lovely job with these balanced rebuttal. I would love to have you both over for coctails, or cat nip, or something...
r./
You have surpassed yourself with this one, Tink. Trying to suppress my laughs on the bus to NJ, a definite frozen wasteland.
island, and I would drink those cocktails and snort that cat nip with glee!!! :D
Goddamn drunk kwazy kats high on catnip!!! Wander off and die? What a waste of entertainment? Didn't you ever listen to Bill Hicks? Over twenty years ago he came up with the perfect solution for reducing Medicare costs: In fact we can make money off of old people dying... instead of wasting away in intensive care sucking up tax dollars, invite them to perform fatal stunts in the action movies! Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone could have career comebacks by wasting old folk on film... real mainstream snuff movies... how's dat for reality TV... Hunger Games... pfffft! Wanders off into the thorn bushes!
Erica, Oooo Bus to NJ would be an awesome title for a book!! `;D

jmac, ~nodding~ I was thinking of something along the lines of like The Dome, gladiator events kind of stuff!! ~:D

TWO GO IN, BUT NONE COME OUT!! :D Richard Dawson-like host would make for fun TV!! :D
But....but....but I'm old..... :(
You are OS's own Jonathan Swift!
Hm-m. Go out with a bang. At least I have time to plan. Oh, but wait, according to Cook I'm not a boomer so I'm safe.

Whew. Where's the 'nip?
LunchLady, it's okay, the hardest part of death I've heard is the not breathing. What? :D Here, you can haz some nip too!!!!

Chiller, ahhh thanks!! ~:D

phyllis, in the cupboard!!! :D

I'm not a Boomer either!! Whoo!! I think I might be one of the Generation Xers, which means I like to view porn on my Atari 2600!!

What? I read that book.
Wicked like a cat that hasn't been desexed.
Kim, ~nodding~ Wicked like that since 1971!!! Teehee!!!

:D
Some posts –
Such as the one that shall be left nameless-
Are better left-
For the poster to ponder-
In his OLD AGE…

THIS post-deserves LOTS of feedback.
I’m opening an open account at Cat Foods R US in your name.

Also, old cat care of your choice shall be made available to you-
Free of charge, should you ever need that-
I'd take care of you myself but I'll have had to off myself by then...
Found that post confusing too, but *eh* ok kid, thanks for not wanting to knock off my entire generation?
Tink - I'm not dead yet but have preplanned my cremation. Glad you're writing for me - always makes my day!
Tink,I will make sure I make a will leaving my millions of debts to you.....Excellent work,once again...Oh,ρoor George!!!!!!!
AJ, ~nodding~ Yeah, every generation seems to think they are the young and unstoppable, but then we hit a spot where we have to stop and our knees get creaky, etc.

I'll be there when ya need someone to help off ya!! :D

Julie, see, we're the youngens, we get to knock off the generation before us. Possibly after us too, so they don't get any ideas!! ~:D

cc, more people should plan like that!! Me? Just throw me in an old cardboard box and leave me at the animal shelter, they'll know what to do!! ~:D
STATHI, I told my nephew that's what I was leaving him in my will!! ~L~

I always tell him, "You're my favorite nephew!!"

And his response, "Yeah, I'm your only nephew!!!" :D
I heard that for $69.99 seniors can get a Dr. Jack's DIY kit from Mary Lin. If you are 65 or older you can get it paid Medicare. God! I love this country.
Why shouldn't old people be recycled for cat food? Just sayin'.
I will not go quietly....Tom Cordel

But I am not ready yet.
Can I have a few more good times master cat??
Trudge, best country EVER!! Where else can that happen PLUS you can get a milkshake for 99 cents after midnight?

NO WHERE!! :D

toritto, oh yeah, just you wait old man, when Mitt gets into office!! PFFFT!! ;D

lefty, I like my cat food made from small infants!!!! :D

What? :D

Mission, you may!! BRING ME SOME INFANTS FOR DINNER!! :D
ima need more specific instructions than 'just kill yourself'

i mean, i have a history of getting creative when not given step by step direction on how to complete a task.

who knows what could happen! i could get confused & think i'm supposed to kill moldy people & go on a rampage killing a buncha self-important bloggers (you know who you are)

so yeah.. more specific instructions on the killing please... use visual aids if possible.
kthanksbai
lorianne, we here at Tink Enterprises reward creative thinkers, the messier, the better!! Go out with style and grace, smile too, for the ad campaign!!

Thank you!!

:D
I am way too intellectually ill-equipped to do battle with a blogger whose persona is a cat, but if y'all are going to discuss me, please spell my name correctly.

It's R-O-B-E-R-T C-R-O-O-K.

Pfffffttthhht.
Obviously we should invite a certain OSer to set traps for the oldsters, and then she can coo in their cold dead ears. And sign over their pension checks to a certain other OSer. Sign with an X!
You do realize that one of your google ads is for "Free Obituaries Search"?

I think it's good to remember that we will all have an obituary someday, no matter what generation we are!
BANG!!! My old ass is dead. Now, don't you feel bad. Ouch, that hurt.
R
....... and please take a politician with you.
Now, Tink--what is the life span of a cat? What is a, shall we say, appropriate length of time a cat should be alive? Hmmmm.....[r]
Only a catamount cat can say "George" with that kind of a lisp......;-)
.
Works for me, Tink. No use giving them all false hope, right? You're gonna die and you have a nice apartment one of us could use? Don't let the door ...

Wait. What?
~dodges old(er) people's arrows on the way to the thorn bushes~
@rosalind2010,

I love your independent attitude and spirit! I too started work at 16...... but 16 years before you! Near as I can figure out, that would have been about the time you were getting yourself born.

I truly hope that you keep on dancin' and I won't mind awfully much if you crank up the volume once in a while while you listen to those who make us more mature folks grateful we'll soon be dead! Funny how your generation just totally missed out on music......, ah well, we had music - you had volume.

Oh; about the dancing? Make sure your hip replacement insurance is paid up........... You will simply just not believe what happens to your body after 60!! Seems like every doggone part heads in a different direction any time you stand up!

;-)
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DIE OLD MOTHERFUCKERS, DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!!!
@Tinkerertink69

At 55 I fear I am closer to old than young, if I haven't just blown past the oldie line, not quite ready to give it all up though. It must be admitted I live in a nice little duplex that would come vacant upon my demise. Maybe I'll wait till I no longer enjoy hookers and cocaine. Speaking of which if you are writing for me I would really appreciate more hookers and cocaine. When are hookers and cocaine not appropriate? My ex-wife suggested not at our actual wedding ceremony, but her great aunt was already doing lines off one of the blondes ass's and seriously disagreed. In fact all hookers and cocaine all the time has been a short term successful business model for several, mostly incarcerated or dead, acquaintances of mine.
Tink, thank you for this insightful commentary on the problem of the old and useless members of society. I am totally planning my slow, painful death for all the harm I have done to society, especially robert crook, whom I advised to just write a rant about his parents and be done.
When you provide some sort of work wherein I can earn a decent living by supporting myself I will gladly make the effort. Us over 80 years old people are still capable of providing value when the opportunity presents itself. If you want to kill us, however humorously that may appeal to your grotesque sense of delight, we can only respond appropriately and respond likewise. We all die one way or another. If it appeals to you to get it over with as soon as you are unemployed or having medical problems I'm sure your ingenuity will discover the appropriate action. I am still interested in staying alive.
tinkertink: I've got a better idea. Let's feed everyone to the boomers.

They have the biggest appetite, the healthiest dose of self-love, and, by god, they want to live forever. Best way to cut the population in half would be to dish up the poor to the rich, not the other way around.

After all, that was Swift's original proposal: Feed the Irish to the English, not the English to the Irish.

And then, as with Hitler, we (I mean, boomers) can all have more "living space!"

Think of it!
The assumption that you will become well fed and not end up covered with gravy is, of course, the seductive message that suckers all idiots.
The wife said there was no need to put myself through that, she would just turn me into a potted plant that way it would save my daughters from embarrassment and she could finally let the cat come in the house and use me as a litter box. Always thinking of me she is.....o/e
It's easy for you to say Tink,but on this small island where I live there isn't enough room for the burials. Any chance we can export to Indiana?
This is an excellent idea. I have zero desire to live forever, so will volunteer for this program under the following conditions: give me one years notice, cancel my Medicaid/SS, and pay me out twenty thousand dollars, fly me to Paris, give me a chair in the Luxemborg Gardens, unlimited baguettes and espressos, and I will sit there until I fall over dead.
Oh yeah, the post upon which I am extolled as a dipshit, fucktard, boomer bitch and a troll? Naaaah, I think I am going to live as long a I can just to annoy a certain Xer, get some plastic surgery and my knees replaced. I want to take up as much SS as I put in, let's face it by the time they get their act together they won't even notice. Booo HOOO, real tears.
Reads like a GOP campaign speech. Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!
Oops. I came to OS to die.
dont just let us wander off...wasteful...remember...soylent green..
Cobert Brook, damn it, I can't even spell my own name correctly gosh durn it, oops, I mean, I'LL SPELL YOUR NAME ANY DAMN WELL MY PAWS HIT THE KEYBOARD!! PFFFFFTTTTT!! :D

(P.S. I liked your post due to your idea of Carousel!! Old people, whatcha gonna do to them!!! :D)

Myriad, ~nodding~ Good idea!!!!!!!! MO MONEY!! :D

Jeanette, ~nodding~ Yeah, we all kind of forget that when we're young and stuff!! ~:D

Gerald, we'll miss you!!! Probably the whole five minutes it'll take to bury ya!! ;D

Herr, please? :D

Donegal, heck, I've been alive for like 1500 years so.....what? :D

sky, ~giggle~ ;D

femme, ~nodding~ What is old? 10 years older than what we are now!! ~:D

rosalind, You're welcome!! I try to make at least 3 peoples' nights every couple of posts!!! :D

sky, you still dance pretty good for an old fart yaself my friend. Seen ya a few times up on the fence singing and dancing, course the next day, it's like, OOOOO MY BACK!! :D

Seer, ~nodding~ Takes lots of different folks to make the boat go straight!!!! Towards the iceberg!!!! Damn that Cobert Brooks and inspiring me!! :( :D

nana, HIT EM AGAIN, THEY'RE COMING UP FOR AIR!! :D

Anthony, I think hookers and cocaine are cross-generational!! I can talk to someone from the 1901s and they're like, HOOKERS AND COCAINE!!! :D

Sirenita, ~nodding~ I've already written a rant about my parents and let them read it. They disowned me, and good thing, I really don't have that much money to pay off their debts!!! :D

Jan, get the to The Dome!! :D (Actually, I've discovered more interesting stories from the More Refined/Older Generation than the younger smartasses, so, keep living!! :D)

Carlo, I'm all about eating the young. Like veal man. No eat the old, they'd be tough and chewy!!! :D

Jan, again, old = tough and chewy, young = like veal, can cut it with a fork!! What? :D Oh yeah, don't forget the gravey!! Those of you in your twenties, report to the uh, Reassignment Chamber!! :D

o/e, your wife is a thinker there!! We cats can always use a place to bury our crap!!! :D

CreekEnd, ~nodding~ :D The Ohio River is a GREAT place to dump a few bodies, them catfish are hungry and they don't mind tough ole birds!! ~:D

rosalind, I think OS is just full of smart(asses) in general and that's why I love it!! ~:D

heron, can do!! R.I.P!! :D

rita, by the time I get old enough for SSI, there won't be a dime, maybe some pennies I can rub together to make a warm fire from the ruins of Old New York!! ~:D

See? I haz a retirement plan!! :D

Matt, it is the Republican Speech. Democrat too!! ~:D

mhold, I came to OS to retire a billionaire. But die is good too!! ~:D

Steel Breeze, mmmmmm, Soylent Green!! DROOL!! ~:D
Sorry I didn't see this, my kids sat me out on the porch to starve.
Oh, Tink, if you end up at the pound I will adopt you! Unless... unless I go first....
What?! Us more experienced folks just offing ourselves?! Why, you little ... I ought to *cough* ought to *cough hack* just you wait till I get my breath back, you *wheeze* (reaches for oxygen tank)

-R-
i now officially have a girl crush on rosalind2010. oh, and i'll be with heron in paris. pfffffffft.
I'm with Candace in appreciation of rosalind2010.
After working for every summer and after school for neighbors for about 5 years I finally got a real job at 16 and haven't stopped paying in to the system.
I sure don't need some squeaky voiced little twerp telling me I'm lazy.

Now my cat is glaring at me.
We weed out plants in our garden. Why not weed out the youngsters who aren't good breeding stock? Then we won't have so many oldsters and we won't have so many teenyboppers making so much noise and bothering our society?
BRAVO!!! JAN!!!
I am glad you are alive.
This morning we had a discussion in front of a supermarket,three people involved in small talk.
We agreed on one point that as long as our head functions well,we can go on living.
Gadamer,when asked how he felt being 100yrs old replied
"As long as I am clear in my head I like to stay alive".
He finished his last book and died.
Another gentleman who had turned 90 last year,decided at the beginning of this year that he had lived long enough and stopped eating and drinking thus prepared himelf by means of free will for his exit.Marvellous!!!
Jan,if you can,please stay on for as long as you like,but for me,every day counts.
bobbot, damn kids!!:D

Joanne, ahhh thanks!! ~:D

L.E. like I said, death is easy, just the no breathing that's the tough part!! ~:D

femme, I wanna be in Paris too!!!! :( :D

alsoknownas, and I'm hissing at ya!! ;D

Al, canz we eatz them? :D

Heidi, every day should count!!!! I wouldn't want to live forever anyways, unless I got to choose which age I got to stick at and was in good health, otherwise, what would be the point!! ~nodding~
Tinker,you are a real cutie,so when you get lost for one reason or other,let me know.You can move in with me.Beware of the dog.I am not sure if he would enjoy your company.It's worth trying,though.

RATED for KiteKat;forget about babies;they smell like milk.
Best food for cats is fish.
Warning:Don't get any from Japan,or you will turn into a lampion.
Instead of asking people to lose weight, we should encourage them to become carbon sinks and spare the environment. Put them in mass graves, and eventually, they will provide the fossil fuel of the future. The cycle of life is really fantastic, no?
Ai-yi-yieee!
What a problem!!!
You said, "".........I wouldn't want to live forever anyways, unless I got to choose which age I got to stick at and was in good health, otherwise, what would be the point!......"". Do you see it?

In order for you to decide which age "to stick at", you'd have to experience that age. If you have experienced it, then it is past; gone, over with, too late to "stick" at!!! You could NEVER stick at the right age!

Of course you could always stick at too early an age. Is that any better than sticking too late? Nah...... not good at all.

Sounds fun! Too early or too late but NEVER at the right age!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Yoiks!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

;-)
.
Bowl, EXACTLY!! :D

sky, but see, if I got to choose that age, it would mean, some Great Power would give me the ability to do it, so that Great Power would be able to show me the past, present and future!!

ISSUE RESOLVED!! :D
@Tinky,

Tee-hee....! Some po' cats jes can't work this here logic stuff at all, can they? Look'it what ya said..... again!

""............if I got to choose that age, it would mean, some Great Power would give me the ability to do it, so that Great Power would be able to show me the past, present and future!!""

A perfect example of starting with a conclusion and inventing premises to support it! Let's break it down just a wee tad ( just lightly - not really seriously)......... (My responses in bold - not shouting)

""...........if I got to choose that age (MAYBE YOU AUTOMATICALLY JUST STOP AGING AT A CERTAIN POINT AND HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER OF WHEN),

.............it would mean, some Great Power would give me the ability to do it (ONLY IF YOU ASKED ME VERY POLITELY AND SHARED YOUR NIGERIAN PRINCESSES WITH ME)

.............so that Great Power would be able to show me the past, present and future!!"" (WHY? JUST 'CAUSE I WOULD - MAYBE - TELL YOU WHEN TO STOP, DOESN'T MEAN THAT I KNOW THE RIGHT TIME TO STOP - HEY, I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU LOTS OF OTHER LIES...... RIGHT?!!)

(AND EVEN IF I WOULD BE ABLE TO SHOW YOU THE "RIGHT TIME TO STOP", WHO SAYS I'D 'WANT' TO SHOW YOU? I MEAN, ETERNITY IS AWULLY LONG FOR ME TOO, Y'KNOW? MAYBE TEASING FOOLISH ORANGE CATS IS MY IDEA OF HAVING A GOOD TIME!)

[... ;-) ...]
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