I'm writing this on April 25th, 2012, before the thoughts go back into hiding and I'm stuck writing about something else, like how Spam changed my life for the better.
Drafts, got to love them!
As most of you know, I use to work in an IT department for a casino in the middle of a corn field.
If you didn't know, you can keep pretending I was a world class drag queen.
The job was good, at times, and well, hair pulling - make Tink smash other times.
Our helpdesk was based outside the USA, in a country I will call Hepastanakanastan, where the people are taught to say, "How about them Yankees! Go Joe! You like apple pie? I DO!!!" and to get the least amount of details allowable by law for a call ticket.
"He say his computer broken, need new one!"
All the details right there, except who and where.
I soon discovered the person wasn't even on my property and that the call ticket was weeks old and said property already fixed it.
"His keyboard was missing the G key..." the tech at other property said with a sigh.
"User cannot get dick out of drive..."
Sometimes in accounting, they can get mighty lonely, I guess.
I had to take 'dick' out of drive with a paper clip.
Yes, it was that small.
"Jesus called and said coffee maker was not working..."
Solution: Called and Jesus was not there. Left message that we do not fix coffee maker, facilities does. Issue Resolved.
That was my actual resolution to the call ticket.
Jesus called back and told me thanks for the information.
He was very happy.
Sadly though Jesus must have short memory, cause a few days later, he put in another call ticket for the deep fryer.
Though I was nice and fixed it for him.
I plugged it in.
Jesus also use to call quite a bit to get his password reset for his email.
He was always forgetting that.
ISSUE: Printer will not print. This is General Manager of HairyAss Casino INC. and is a priority call ticket. He is trying to print out a picture from his seven year old daughter.
And yes, they put the call as a high priority issue which would page out to EVERYONE in the HairyAss.Horsepoop.Sleazers world which then would start numerous phone calls.
I believe this is how World Wars begin.
Sadly, the property techs could not change priorities and helpdesk would refuse.
"It's important person! He says this is very important..." was the canned reply.
I would sigh and then cringe as the mobile phone rings.
"What's going on? I got a page!" frantic Regional Director of Midsouth's voice blurts out.
"Nothing. Printer issue with visiting GM...."
"We need to get that resolved right now! GET ON IT ASAP!"
"On my way no....oooh, there's someone calling in now....Hello?"
"WHAT'S GOING ON? I GOT A PAGE!" Even more frantic Southern Director of Information System's voice panics out.
"Nothin.....oh hold on, there's another call...."
And repeat all the way up to Vice President of Information Systems and the President of the great nation of Hepastanakanastan.
"It's just a goddamn printer!! LOWER THE GODDAMN PRIORITY!" my boss is screaming at the help desk.
"Can't, very important person! Picture of a unicorn!"
Solution: Put paper in printer and hit resume.
"And that's why we pay you the big bucks!" the GM giggles.
He may not have giggled but actual words.
The big wigs use to like to say that.
And yes, I use to sigh a lot!
I shove a broom stick up his rectum and walk away whistling.
Crisis is averted once more, the world is safe for Democracy once again.
Then sadly I had to spend two hours responding to each new call from the page out stating the priority call ticket was resolved.
"Yes, I put the paper in the printer and hit....yes, I.....yes.....documented....yes, informed user....I mean...GM.....yes sir......no sir........DEMOCRACY SIR!!! Yes, the missiles are standing down right now sir....yes sir, that is exactly why they pay me the big bucks......Yes, the GM has his picture of his daughter's unicorn. Yes sir!"