Here over the last few months, I've been getting lots of offer for contests to dine with 'First Ladies' (Present or possible future), play baseball with Presidential hopefuls, eat with Presidents, Clean George Clooney's swimming pool, Rub Joe Biden's balls, Make Love to a woman who slept in George Washington's bed, ETC. ETC. ETC.
And each time I enter, I feel a hope for a nation, right here, in my spleen.
I still haz it!
Today, I was reminded after yesterday's excitement of being nominated BEST POET ON PLANET EARTH(I bought ten pins and a shower cap!) once again why I love election time.
"How would you like to eat pancakes with Ann Romney?"
Yes, my desperation is evident!
Priceless on the Love Scale.
I can imagine myself now dining on pancakes with Ann(according to the small rules on the bottom of the email, these pancakes have a net value worth of $25.00 at DESTINATION! I'm not sure if the pancakes come with syrup or not with that value, either way, $25 FOR SOME PANCAKES? They better come with steak and eggs, lobster and a blowjob for 25 bucks!!!!)
"So how long have you been a Mitt supporter?" Ann will ask, a smile on her face. She knows the truth but conversation is conversation.
"Oh since forever, probably since 1982..."
She nods. "Me too! What do you like about him?"
She smiles again.
Dear God in Heaven, I'm falling in love with Ann Romney!
She sighs. "Me too! They're just heaven aren't they. Can I tell you the Truth Tink?"
"I'm not in love with Mitt, I don't even know if I like him! He's an Etch-a-Sketch, I shake him and the man I love becomes a liberal whore!"
"Tink, I want to leave Mitt for Michelle Obama!!!!"
"She might be a liberal whore but she knows exactly where to touch me!"
I gasped again.
We go back to eating pancakes like normal folks.
Real normal folks.
We leave the caviar from Bulgaria off the plate. Common folks we are.
With a deep dark secret between us.
I'm in love with Michelle Obama too!!!
And Ann Romney.
And the woman on the phone commercial.
Jesus I'm a slut!
And George Clooney, if you read this, I wouldn't kick you out of my bed if you happened to slip in.
"Tink you're on!" George Clooney smiles....