Every so often, I'll read my spam folder over at Hotmail.
It's a nice way to get a ego boost or discover ways to "INCREASE MY PENIS SIZE BY AT LEAST 3 INCHES!!"
Whoo! 6 inches, here I come!
This morning, at 4:45 am, I jumped head first into my spam folder, such titles as:
- CINDEE IS WAITING FOR YOU!
- A$coll-uck!PENIS PILLS!$$$
- Facebook is a gold mine --- MINE IT BABEEEEE!
awaited me with great delight! I was about to "delete all" when a title caught my attention.
HEATHER HUNTER THINKS YOUR CUTE
I didn't even own a cute nor did I know a Heather Hunter personally but I decided to open the email and bask in the glory of such adoration!
According to Google, there is only one Heather Hunt, and this is she!
(Note: Actually, there's like 25 other Heather Hunts listed on the Internet, one is an urologist! And another draws 'vaginas as flowers' and innocent children plucking the flowers. Sicko!)
Who is Heather Hunt?
Welp, according to Wikipedia(what would we do without Wikipedia? Probably have lives or something, go outside, watch the birds have sex, etc. etc. etc.) this is Heather Hunt!
Everything Tink is looking for in a potential mate.
I could use a rap artist, former pornographic actress, photographer, painter AND author all rolled up into one slick package!
(LITTLE KNOWN FACT ABOUT TINK: His nickname use to be Double H! Seriously. I was very fat!)
I was excited, giggling, I was ready to be thought of as cute!
The email was from something called FREE CAMS.
First sign that you might as well skip the ideas of wedding bells is when an email is from something called FREE CAMS but the sex isn't that bad as long as you're into loving yourself!
I kept going on.
The email was sent to some one named Ian @ hotmail.com!
Wait, Heather didn't really think I was cute, it was suppose to go to this Ian fellow instead of me!
I kept reading.
It's like 5am, what else am I going to do?
Have sex with your mom?
She's been dead since 1932!!
Hello, my name is Kayla, I am a very pretty 25 year old blonde with a very sexy body.
Who the hell is Kayla?
Wasn't it suppose to be Heather Hunter who thought Ian was cute?
A very pretty 25 year old blonde with a very sexy body?
I'm single and looking to meet new guys that I can date and have some sexy fun this week.
What about next week and the week after next?
Ian likes committment damn it!
According to http://www.spokeo.com/ (a website whose ad on Google states: DISCOVER IF HE IS CHEATING ON YOU) this is Ian!
Yes, very sexy damn it!
I made a very cute video message that I would like to share with you. You will be able to see what I look like!
Go here to check out my video message
**removed link from post, but if you really want to see it, go to Google and type in TWO GIRLS ONE CUP in the video search and enjoy**
Okay, for you folks too scared to search and don't know, here's the Wikipedia entry for Two Girls, One Cup!
2 Girls 1 Cup is the unofficial nickname of the trailer for Hungry Bitches, a 2007 Brazilian scat-fetish pornographic film produced by MFX Media. The trailer features two women conducting themselves in fetishistic intimate relations, including defecating into a cup, taking turns ostensibly consuming the excrement, and vomiting it into each other's mouths. "Lovers Theme" by Hervé Roy, from the movie Delusions of Grandeur, plays throughout.
If you like what you see, then maybe we can start talking to each other.
To be honest, I didn't click the video message, I assume it probably involves a donkey and a pint of chocolate ice cream.
You will not get anymore of our emails if you go here:
XOXOXO? Are we playing Tic-Tac-Toe?
I'd rather play Thermonuclear War!
I get to be Russia and launch my nukes at Las Vegas and possibly Seattle!
(Yes, yes, I know, XOXOXO = blowjobs and fingering the butthole!)
So today's special END OF POST recipe involves Spam in some way.
Not sure in what way, but it will, oh yes in God's name, it will!
According to AllRecipes.com, there's 33 results from the search of Spam.
OH YES, IT IS GOING TO BE AN AWESOME DAY! (Unless, as I'm getting a feeling, Open crashes on me here when I hit Publish!! GRRRRR!!!)
According to Stefanie, she got this recipe from her boyfriend.
Ladies, if your boyfriend likes fried Spam, keep him, he'll eat ANYTHING, including your mom's famous ICKY-BERRY PIE that tastes like ewwwwwwwwwwwww!
20 minutes and you'll be eating fried Spam!
Life is good!
First, you'll need like a quart of vegetable oil for frying.
Don't have that?
Ask your sister!
She always has oil for some reason, though it's in her bedroom along with a kiddie swimming pool and plastic sheets!
1 can of Spam, cut into 1/4 inch slices. I think she means the Spam (or canned luncheon meat) but well, it could be the can and if so, you'll need a sharp knife!
1 cup of all-purpose flour.
I don't have flour, but I do have flowers/weeds in my garden, so that's the same, right?
The dog peeing on them just adds flavor.
2 eggs beaten.
2 cups Italian Seasoned bread crumbs
No Italians in your neighborhood to "season" the bread crumbs?
Ask the Irish lady down the way to pee on your bread crumbs!
Step 1: Give up trying to cut can of Spam into 1/4 inch slices. Throw Spam uncut into deep fryer. Wonder why you have the flour and other stuff. Think you should read entire recipe before attempting to make stuff!
Step 2: Cry cause you discover your boyfriend HATES Spam Anything and he leaves you for the Irish lady down the street.
Step 3: Go watch Sex in the City 3 with cat. Have a bowl of cereal.
Good night and have a better tomorrow...