Tinkerertink69

Tinkerertink69
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July 16
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President and CEO of Your Mom
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Smell my Paws! Does that smell like poo to you? Writer? No way! I'm a guy with a cat who knows my passwords and likes to blog!! What? Oops, I mean, I'm a cat who likes to blog. Smell my paws!!! French prostitutes? Only on Tuesdays!! Lets cuddle!!

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Salon.com
JANUARY 8, 2012 3:43AM

IS IT ILLEGAL TO SODOMIZE MYSELF?

Rate: 21 Flag

One of these days, you might find yourself in a hotel room in Alabama and feel that feeling that says, "Come on, and sodomize yourself!" and then, you'll wonder,

"Is it legal to sodomize myself in Alabama?"

And then you'll remember,

"I read a Tink article once, what did it say about this exact situation?"

The other day someone sent me a message that read,

"Dear Tink: is it okay to have anal sex with a hooker in the State of Delaware? I'm on business here and well, he said, it might be legal, but we wanted to know for sure.  Signed, your friend, Douglas Morland, not my real name which is Dick Fornicate"

Of course, I didn't know if it was or not, and for my readers, all 12 of them, I would go the extra three point six feet from my bed to the computer to research this worthy subject.

First, lets discover how the law(or Wikipedia) defines sodomy law.

Wikipedia writes:

A sodomy law is a law that defines certain sexual acts as crimes. The precise sexual acts meant by the term sodomy are rarely spelled out in the law, but are typically understood by courts to include any sexual act deemed unnatural.

My first question about this arises right off the bat, should we really trust the courts to define any sexual act at all?

I mean, look at some judges and tell me, have you EVER seen people who could use a blowjob or a poke in the ass?

Me neither, lets continue!

It also has a range of similar euphemisms.[1] These acts typically include oral sex, anal sex and bestiality; in practice such laws have rarely been enforced against heterosexual couples.[2]

So, it would seem, if you get a blowjob, as long as they are of the opposite sex, it'll be overlooked in most cases, even if deemed 'unnatural' by the state of choice.

Very rude, in my opinion, why the big humbug about one person fondling another person if they are the same sex?

Some of the best pornos have been same sex pornos!

Course viewing such porns can be deemed 'Illegal' in some states, so we, aka me, try to avoid such states.

We also avoid churches where they preach the whole 'It's better to dump your seed onto the ground then place it inside a prostitute!'

Or whore.  They may use that term as well as 'Fornicator'

It's bad to be a fornicator too.

I know, what DO they do for fun?

Bible study?

Is that sex for Baptists?

Awesome.

Basically, according to Wikipedia, most states 'Sodomy' laws have been struck down.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodomy_laws_in_the_United_States

But that's not to say it's now legal to marry your gay lover who happens to be a penguin.

No way, that's still illegal. 

And trust me, if you are caught sodomizing yourself in Alabama, the local police will either ask to join you or plant some drugs on your persons.

"Hey! What's we got here is a drug dealer!!"

Of course, I found a link for dumb laws(http://www.dumblaws.com)  while searching Google and if you're trapped in Virginia, for god sake, make sure you're having sex in the missionary position with the lights off and possibly with your eyes closed, so you don't see any naughty bits.

  • Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
  • If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
  • You may not have oral or anal sex.
  • It is illegal to tickle women.

It's amazing to me that anyone reproduces in some states of religions with all the laws and restrictions.

"No backward cow girl on the sabbath as it is deemed inappropiate! No doggy style on Thursdays through Sunday or your penis will fall off, so saideth the Lord of Abraham!!"

And that whole tickling thing?

So go ahead, sodomize yourself on the Sabbath, just make sure to close the blinds and lock the door, and if the cops come busting in, tell them, "I'm married...to myself!"

Which, by the way, is legal in the State of Texas!

Good night and have a better tomorrow!

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Comments

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Too busy to read right at the moment but in answer to your title question:

Only if you enjoy it........
;-)
.
Tink, you're such an asset to the community- always tackling those tough topics that the mainstream media stay away from for whatever reason. So a big thanks for not being afraid to roll your sleeves up and get dirty!
LMAO
Actually, sodomy laws come in handy for forced sex cases. That being said, if your parts are capable of being sodomizrd by your spouse who happens to be yourself, whatever goes on between consenting spouses should be filmed for an internet sex tape.
Rose, ~nodding~ I know!!! I'm soooo into getting dirty!! Teehee!! :D

phyllis, ~nodding~ Mo money! Mo money!! ~:D All about consent!!! ~nodding even more~ Though, can you rape a balloon? According to this one website, yes, yes you can!! :S :D
Of course it's illegal to tickle women! Even the Candiru catfish knows THAT!
What about a "Dirty Sanchez"? Can I still do it if the goat doesn't tell?
Illegal to tickle women. Ha!
@ Michael Rodgers:

I think that's covered under "Don't Ask; Don't Baaaaa" regulations.
Well Sir Tink, now that you've made it clear "where" it can be done, the only question I have is .... "How?!!!"

.
The common law says if you can do it and nobody else gets hurt then it's probly legal. So far as I know, only cats and dogs are able to do it.
To answer the question in the title, I hope not, because if it is, I'm fucked.

Lawrenece v Texas (US Supreme Court, 2003) invalidated all remaining of the so-called sodomy laws, and while they remain on the books, they are completely inenforcable (there are laws about which side of the street to park your horse still on the books. The correct proceedure is - don't ride your stupid fucking horse on the street, you 4H Freak..or something like that. That laws are written in old timey language).
those laws...not that laws...that's just retard talk.
And the state advertising motto is Virginia is for Lovers.
innocent until proven guilty, right?
Do you know if these Keystone Cops get in it will be illegal for everyone. None of these guys look like they ever did the dirty dance at all. They all look like they have plungers up their... WAIT .. is that illegal too?
HUGGGGGGGGGG
Technically, if one is performing a sexual act upon one's self then it would be illegal in a state where sodomy laws are active. Since the fact that you are of the same sex as the sodomee this would violate the homosexuality clause. Unless of course, you have had a transplant of one of the two necessary organs involved in said act and this transplant was from a person of the opposite sex.
Crazy laws man. And how come I knew you would enjoy it?
Just think we would never know this stuff without our Tink.
I like the fact that the laws are rarely enforced against heterosexual couples, so that if Tink were participating in bestiality with a heterosexual couple that would not be enforced. Cool!
rated with love
Did you know if you perform sodomy you're called a "sodomite?" That sounds so wishy washy. "I sodomite and I sodomitenot do ya; I need a few more beers to make you seem less repulsive. I think self-sodomization is a worthy goal myself although chiropractors are really making out from the number of people who try it and mess up.
Sodomy = Unnatural??? No wonder Mad Dog Margaret is so well versed on the subject!

From her "unnatural" hair highlights (BTW, what shade of yellow is that? Urine???), to her "unnatural" boobs (sponsored by DuPont the "We ARE Plastics" people), to her "unnatural" size 6 panties (did you REALLY think covering up the "1" in front of the "6" with a post-it-note would work, Mags???) to the the "unnatural" things she does with any drunk sailor (Did you really get tossed out of the last Tail Hook Convention for "Excessive Moral Turpitude", Margaret??? SHEESH!)...

Anyways, Mad Dog Margaret puts the "unnatural" to a lot more than "unnatural sex". It might be bad to be caught as a sodomite in Alabama, but it's WAY better than being convicted of being a Margaretmite! (plus you prolly won't need as much penicillin! *ahem*)
I tase more flavor, suddenly, in my french toast....
I am learning not only the LAW regarding what is kosher in the fun zone,
But also a lot about my dear friend Margaret,
And also some other stuff too…


I reflect upon Sodom, how Gawd GeeHoVah destroyed it.
Gomorrah too, but that aint really relevant. There aint no sex act called gomming, or gommorrahing, unless u can enlighten me, tink.

Genesis sayz, “Genesis 14:11
And they took all the goods of Sodom and Gomorrah, and all their victuals, and went their way.”

A victual is a food or other provision, I had to look it up.


I say, good for them!

I am glad they got something out of it…

Alabama was in the news recently wasn’t it?
Oops, nope, my “bad”..it was Arkansas.
Sorry.
Tink, you have a real gift for educating the public on these matters. Will you cover "wet willies" next? I never could figure out what those are.
to answer the question- nodding- no- especially if you're a Repub presidential candidate- it's the only way you'll be getting any.....
Amy, but why??? That's the question!! ~:D

Michael, yes you can!! In 15 states!! ~:D

zanelle, I know, right? What the hell!! :D

Amy, and in 15 states, WHOO HOO!! Go to town!! ;D

sky, I'm not sure of the "how", I think it involves bull testicles and a feather!! Amy might know about the bull testicles!! Lets ask her!! ~:D

Matt, I did it with a bull dog once, god he was such a bitch!! ~:D

Malcolm, man, riding horses can be soooo much fun, till they kick ya, then, not so much!! ~:D

toritto, trust me on that, I KNOW!!! ~Ouchie~ :D

Good Daughter, ~nodding~ From my research lately, not so much!! ~:D

Michelle, or until you're caught molesting a chicken!! :D (BTW, congrats on getting on the cover!! :) )

Linda, matters which state you get the plunger up the...;D ~hug~

bobbot, good thing that transsexual hooker had ALL the right parts!! :D

Geraint, cause I'm a sick f*ck!! :D (See, I got my censorers working all night now!! ;D)

RP, but the other night, I was playing cards with three gay men and a lesbian lebanese!! Great time!! ~:D

Margaret, that's how most dates end up with me, "Tink, I need a few more beers before ya know, blagggggrrrrrrrggggghhhh!!" :D

Amy, damn it, would you and Margaret just get a room!! I know you two are actually wanting to make 'sweet sweet love with an eel' Sheesh, two love sick birds trying to hide the fact they're two love sick birds!! Highlights on the SICK!! EELs indeed!! Wear protection you two!!! ~nodding~ Eels are pretty skanky in their own right!! :D

Orange, I hope you meant taste, cause if you're tasing more flavor into the toast, post the recipe!! My taser always burns it!! ~:D

James, I wondered that myself, the whole Soddom thing, why not the other city???? Jerk off into a cup and drink it? You sick Goddomite!!!!! :D

zuma, that's where Willie goes swimming!! ~nodding~ ~:D

Ian, ~nodding~ That's what I discover. Those politicians need some loving!! Even if it involves a pile of squid and a jackhammer!! :D
I once visited a friend in the hospital who thought it was okay to have sex with a cat.... he didn't use protection.
I guess that when someone in Alabama tells you to go F* yourself, you better be careful about what part of you gets stuffed.
Can't reach. Bugger !
I know you've been out here while I've been away from Open Salon. I may have to treat myself to a full catch up of your posts. I deserve some organic, heart laughs. Another fine entry and I think the serious part you're underscoring is that no one (including the judges that yes, often need to get nailed themselves) should be invested with the authority to tell us where, when, how and with whom to have sex.
Chrissie, ~nodding~ Gotta watch them claws!! EEK!! ~:D

lefty, ~nod~ :D

CreekEnd, try harder!! `;D

Rebecca, I believe you will find some gems in the dust of my archives!! Or not!! ;D

And ~nod~ Them judges and politicians and such need to get laid, QUICK!! :D
@Tinkerertink69

As has been mentioned it a fine public service you are performing here.
If it is legal to sodomize myself in Alabama then why would I want to do it? I would be a lot happier if I sodomized a hooker and snorted cocaine off her behind. I'm pretty sure that's still illegal.
Anthony, ~nodding~ If it ain't illegal, I don't do it!! :D