Here recently, it seems like there has been an increase in hopeful loves spamming the bejesus out of Open.Salon.
Usually, I would have happily spammed them right back in a pursuit of love, sex, or drugs with an additional hope for an email back from Reverend Goodwin.
But lately, I haven't felt like kissy kissy time with these ladies of good breeding but just plain bad luck(TINK NOTE: actually, to be truthful, I believe 99 percent of them are actually Reverend Goodwin who likes to play like he's a she, steal away your heart and then, at the last minute, reveal to you that he's actually Fauvor or Gift or Sali or whomever. I know I like to do that!!!). My last love lasted a full two weeks with first stories of bad luck, hot weather and then leading to me purposing marriage which led her to say she wanted many children, all named Wendy Maria.
I'm guessing with my current depression and boredom, the women of Love Cycle 99 aka the Girls of Tink decided to break down and rushed Open.
I'm sorry my friends, I should have defended you in this time, but still, the boredom is there, I'm trying to find something to cure these feelings and am hoping that the new branded series of American Chopper, starting tonight, will help.
The new season of LA Ink looks like it might be good enough to get me back in the saddle for some love.
I love that show. They got me hooked with Miami Ink and then well, Kat, Corey and the rest, especially this last season with the turmoil and this season with Corey Miller leaving the shop, well, it just has kept me.
Maybe TLC could pick up my reality TV show, TINK FINDS LOVE IN NIGERIA, with scripts like below, well, who wouldn't watch?!! Besides me, of course, I hate these dramas.
EDWARD FARTES IS....EDWARD FARTES!
GIFT MAJER GAI as Nigerian Orphan in need of help, and only Edward Fartes can give it to her, apparently!
THEME SONG PLAYS:
Ooooooooh, come and listen to my story,
About a man named Ed, who was sitting around waiting for his toe nails to dry,
When along came a message from a girl named Gift, and started out a love affair that lasted for awhile,
AT LEAST THREE WEEKS AND COUNTING!!!!!!!
This week's episode begins after our hero, super model and international man of mystery, Edward Fartes, sent a message to our heroine, Ms. Gift Majer Gai, informing her that he had sent to her mucho cash funds through Western Union.
**INFORMATION FOR RETRIVEAL OF FUNDS:
MTCN : 602 155 4697
Sender's Name: Edward Fartes
Question: Where am I?
Amount send: $37,723.00 usd**
The Good Reverend Goodwin must have rushed down to the Western Union office, so eager to help Gift make it to the man who loved her so much, he would do anything for her, including watching every Kevin Costner's bad movies he ever made all in a row, without standing up and leaving to take a piss even.
GIFT MAJER GAI: (Not sure of the emotion, maybe laughing as she just farted loudly before hitting send) Good Day my Sweetheart,
How are you today? i hope everything in your control are moving fine, if so thanks be to God almighty and every members of your family,
Honey why all this to me you said you send some money to prepare my traveling documents and i went to Rev father office to inform him about the money and he went to western union office and they said the information is not correct,
Sweetheart the Rev father said that if you know you send some money to me to prepare my traveling document why can't you send the transfer slip and you are delaying since two day now why?? you are making me to remember when my father was alive, i am now in middle of death no help i put my trust in you to make family with you and you are now disappointing me Honey why??.
Sweetheart please try to write to me today and send me the transfer slip so that i will know where to start i am miss you so much please try and see how my situation is now, my situation is worst now and don't forget i still remain your i love
Ed wouldn't reply for days to this message either for long dramatic pauses. Gift sent like four or five messages during this time with such pleas as, "Where are you? I hope you are not dead!" and finally, Ed revealed the truth of his absence.
Stupid terrorists shooting him and then the wounds getting infected. Pfffft!
EDWARD FARTES: (Coughing and dying in his hospital bed) Dearest Gift, my love, my sweet little thing, I am sorry I have not been in contact with you, I fell ill due to my injuries and have been in the hospital near death, I am able to type barely now, and thought I would send you word,
My sister told me that you and the Good Reverend were unable to retrieve the cash I sent you, this is very strange as I am able to see the funds waiting to be retrieved. I have tried to scan in the transfer slip but for some reason, it will not scan.
I have notified my long time business partner of your inability to get the funds I have sent and he has stated he can help us in our endeavors,
Here is the phone number: contact person Mr Philip Huma
Telephone +22548310449 (TINK NOTE: This is from another spammer who decided I was cool enough to help him transfer like a billion dollars from British Bank of Lungabungalow or something! I thought maybe he could help Gift get her money!!)
You will need the following pass phrases to intituate the process -- "My passcode is 123740. Please help me!" when you get ahold of Mr. Philip Huma.
GIFT MAJER GAI: (Weeping and crying, pointing a finger at Tink aka Edward Fartes)
How are you today, l am very sorry to heard that you was admitted at the hospital but i hope you are getting more better now? i was surprise that you couldn't scan ordinary transfer slip to me to prove that you send money to me.
Please my dear you don't need to deceive your self, you did not send any money to me that the plain truth so i am not contacting whom i don't know, please if you are helping me better inform me then to use my intelligent.
My dear despite my refugee status i am wish enough to no when you are telling me the truth or lies, for your information, you are completely a joker and i don't think i can write to you again if you continue lying to me but nevertheless God knowns the heart of men but i still love you, take good care of your self and God will heal you from that illness sooner.
How are you today, i hope all is well with you, how are you now i know you are taking good care of yourself, i hope you have come out of hospital?
So this is how you want to abounded me and make my life measurable no problem but bear it in mind that God will not be happy with you because he send you to save an orphan like me but you insist just because of money, if i die here God must sureing ask you of my soul,
I am now in big suffering and pains since then i m very serious sick no one to care of me my eyes have filled with tears every night and day i am seriously indeed of your help i waiting for quick response.
I thank you, my dearest gift to my life, she who I wish someday to produce many children with in our love and to grow old with, to hold closely to me, to fight the valiant fight against the sufferage of the world so they shall never touch my Gift again.
As soon as I am well enough and ready to leave the hospital, I will battle the forces which keep you down and away from me, until then, I remain forever yours,