THOTH

Thoth

Thoth
Location
Los Angeles, California, USA
Birthday
March 10
Title
Artist, Philosopher
Bio
"There is a natural aristocracy among men. The grounds of this are virtue and talents." Thomas Jefferson. ************************************** The earth knows my step, the deaf hears my voice and the blind sees my words. My hope is to introduce civility, class--unrelated to money--and honor into American culture. I am the defender of the weak.

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Salon.com
FEBRUARY 27, 2010 5:38PM

A Letter to Myself at Seventeen: Love Story

Rate: 110 Flag

 

 

“You cannot find love; true love finds you. If you look for love you will find confusion and affliction; there is no right place to look for love.”

Thoth 

I am seventeen. I am sitting in the Tea-Garden of a sporting club somewhere in California with some of my girlfriends, a couple of dudes from my Water Polo team and their girlfriends. Sarah walks in with her little brother. She is sixteen. She is five foot four, fair, with long straight black hair and big black divine eyes that I could still see through her round pink shades. Do you remember when these shades were in fashion? It is love at first sight. She is an angel. She is elegantly dressed, but a bit on the conservative side. I ask one of my girlfriends to befriend her and bring her to a Water Polo match. “That was not easy,” my girlfriend complains later—my girlfriends and I never lied; we trusted each other; we were tight.

When I see Sarah in the stands before the game, rather than just dropping into the pool like other players, I walk slowly at first—in my tough rubber Speedo—towards the pool then speed up, reach the edge running and do a perfect splash-less flying-fish dive, emerge from the water, fling my head/long hair back—this gets a lot of ahs and oohs from the women in the stands—look straight at her for a second, as in, this is for you. During the game I play like the devil, show off like a peacock, and score three goals, one of them is a backhand on the fly. After the game my girlfriend introduces us, I ask Sarah to go sailing, and she says yes. She spoke perfect English, the Queen’s. There is one problem. Sarah is not allowed to go anywhere without her thirteen year old brother, but my girlfriends take care of him. He takes one look at their racks and he agrees to stay ashore, while I take his sister out in the ocean.            

I take Sarah out in a “Flying Dutchman,” which is a two/three-sail fiber glass fast sail boat. I teach her a few sailing tricks and make her laugh. I play skipper, she plays crew. I teach her how to look for the direction of the wind by watching the waves. Sarah is so cute, funny, full of life and painfully innocent. She is innately shy, but in her heavenly eyes I can see an honorable coyness that commands surrender. I cannot hide my joyful admiration for her; I can see what my eyes are saying in her face; I die of love many times. Halfway through the date, she asks if she can sit closer. I say yes. She leans over, she says she likes my dimples and my laugh; she kisses me on the cheek and laughs heartily when I turn red. Yes, this little angel makes the man, the myth, the legend blush. Before I die I will touch my face and feel Sarah’s kiss one last time.           

Sarah is a foreigner. Her family is very conservative, so she has to sneak out or make excuses to leave the house and see me. Her little brother also helps; he is in boob heaven having a good time. In fact, my girlfriends accept him as a young new member of the gang; they take him everywhere they go. Meanwhile, Sarah and I fall deeper in love. She asks me to take her virginity as a token of her everlasting love; I refuse.

When did I turn from a legendary playboy to a helpless aching heart? When did I stop listening to William (my dick)? Sarah’s love transformed me into a most chivalrous knight. She is my queen and I shall protect her with my life. Her happiness is my goal. Nothing else matters. She is my life; she is my wife; she is my love.

I ask Sarah to marry me, but she says it is impossible. Her father and older brother will never approve. Even if they do, we will have to get authorization/permission from a higher authority in her homeland. Yes, Sarah is not her real name. Meanwhile, Sarah and I meet whenever we can and go home with tears in our eyes. Even worse, Sarah must leave California in a month.           

My mother—an exceptionally elegant art professor and a renowned Bridge champion of French Catholic descent—soon finds out the cause of my misery. She almost has a heart attack when she finds out Sarah’s religion and nationality, but she understands because she already loves Sarah. “My god, son, she is lovely. She is so sweet, it’s disgusting,” said my mother of Sarah when they first met. Mother decides to pay Sarah’s mother a visit. Sarah’s mother explains that she would be honored by such a match, but regrets that it is not up to her. Mother and I realize that we need the big guns, the big dog. My father is an intellectual of the highest order; he comes from a wealthy family. He is perceived as a supercilious snob by the rich and as Jesus by the poor. My father knows Sarah and admires her. Sarah’s background does not faze my father, but he is infuriated by the fact that those “lowly, backward, ignorant, racial slur, racial slur, racial slur, mother...,” are not counting their blessings for having his prince as a suitor. Finally, father pulls some strings, calls in favors and unexpectedly gets a “superior” approval for the marriage under certain conditions to which father and I agreed. Sarah’s father pays us a visit and the wedding date is set.           

Sarah travels to Europe with her father to buy the wedding dress and to receive her grandmother’s blessings. Sarah has an accident and Sarah dies—no foul play, we checked later. Sarah’s mother tells my mother the news. My mother asks Sarah’s mother not to tell anyone including her son so I won’t find out. My mother tells my father. Now, everyone knows except me. Almost a week passes before my mother tells me. I sit all day staring at nothing. I don’t cry, but tears run down my face. I go everywhere Sarah and I went and sit where she used to sit. I see her face everywhere. I am in a most cherished grief.

My parents, thinking that drastic measures need to be taken, and that shock and awe treatment is what I need, assign me to my uncle, arguably the greatest playboy of all time. My serious, level-four instruction on night life, drinking and clubbing starts. The first time I yield to my uncle and accept a dance invitation from a beautiful girl, I imagine I am holding Sarah and try to hide my tears. Sarah’s ghost hangs around for five years and then leaves. Now I see Sarah only when I smile.

With no goodbyes my Sarah dies
Though shot my heart cupid’s free
Whom do I see when God denies
His mercy for this heart and me?

Too shy to cry was I but fly
Did I to skies of tears above
Those who worship wonder why
He can die who’s not in love
                                                           

                                                                  In memory of Sarah

Thoth© 2010

 

 

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"I am in a most cherished grief."

Thoth, this is stunning....love to you...xox
Wow, I am speechless, I was just sitting here after reading this, just sitting...I'm sorry is to little to say, you will meet again, not enough.
This was a side of you I didn't know, a sad side, one that I think, formed who you are. Just stunning in how it is written.
Very tragic - but for today - I can envision Sarah in her pink shades and the first sight...she is young, beautiful and alive in your loving memory.

I am having trouble however, with the leather speedo imagery.
Thoth
What a lovely testimonial... remembrance.
Masterful. Your writing skills are nonpareil. Powerful and so sad. Thank you for sharing.

Rated.
This is beautiful, Toth. Romeo and Juliet. Did you poison yourself afterward with bad lifestyle choices in your misery? This is the impression you leave. So sweet and tender and sad. R.
Thoth... This is... There are no words. HUGE HUGS.
I am truly fucking speechless, man....
I love this post at so many levels. I mostly love the line, "Now I see Sarah only when I smile." ~r for style, sensitivity, and for being the kind of man who could captivate Sarah!
Oy!

Heartbreaking! Would never have guessed this either.
Thoth, this must have formed who you now are in so many subtle ways. Did you ever love again that strongly, or did you hold back for fear of losing her again. My heart aches for you.

(And yes, for a glimpse of the leather speedo. )
A tragedy beautifully and tenderly expressed. You have many wonderful gifts. Sarah was clearly one of them.
This was epic, Toth. I too am speechless ,and very excited to read more. Wow! It captures randomness and loss so well.
Like fine wine, your words tease the senses and burn the soul.

-R-
Oh my god... speechless, and intrigued to say the least. This was beautiful and I have to admit, the ending caught me a little off guard. Well put and said and written and observed and.... yes, just brilliant!
Rated my friend.
You had me grinning at leather Speedo. And crying at Sarah has an accident. If I'm feeling yo-yoed, I can't imagine what you must have felt at the time, and still. But that smile, the smile of a cherished love one, it will carry you through.
...an honorable coyness that commands surrender.

I'll remember that turn of phrase forever.

I'm sorry for your pain of old. I wish to comfort the boy.
Wow, Beautiful, lovely, and very heartbreaking. ~~real tears~~Leaves me speechless as what to say. Romeo and Juliet, would be a great comparison, of the love and loss you have expressed here. Strong love and loss that enters to soul for a lifetime and never leaves.
Thank you for sharing this side of you. Love Ya!!
Thoth that is beautiful. You had me in tears. Wonderful piece :)

Rated
How simply stunning. _r
Wow! A heartbreaking story and the poem at the end is great. What a story... is there a "new" Sarah?
As much as I despise him and his accursed book Leviathan, Hobbs's is always right life is nasty brutal and short. True love almost never works out I think it has something to do with Hyperborean's and Original Sin. Sometimes God can be a sadistic fuck and it certainly sounds like he has had his fun with you but you should remember that he is God and thus obligated to balance the scales. Be strong my friend and you will feel the hot breath of mourning caressing the horizen.
This was beautiful and poignant. What a terrible loss for the younger you.
Life has a poetry of its own, you know yours so well. I am learning.
Seventeen year old love. Shoot. It's never the same after that.
Thoth, this was an amazing story. My friend, you must of had been devastated. My deepest regrets and I hope you were able to, while not replacing Sarah, find another love. Great writing my friend!
Ah, tragedy of the highest and most literary order...R, my friend and a million hugs.
I read it, and read it again, very, very beautiful. It reads like Shakespeare. "
Too shy to cry was I but fly
Did I to skies of tears above
Those who worship wonder why
He can die who’s not in love "
I read this and rated, but couldn't comment.
Now, I'm back here. And didn't comment before because I wanted to refuse to believe this could be true, that such a tragedy could befall on someone so young. That such love could not bloom.
I am truly sorry that this had to happen to you.
You are too right, your love can not be looked for, the heart has to call out. The hard part is hearing your own heart say it's time, and being still enough to hear it.

Almost unbearably lovely.
Dear Thoth, I read this now three times. You write like the angel Sarah as you describe her. I thought I had commented but I think this writing sent me into some altered state. I was hoping this was fiction. I didn't want to know how much, five years, you suffered. It is too much at such a young age. I saw Sarah. I cannot believe she died. I cannot believe it took five years and that now you feel her inside your smile, but I guess it is all true, and what courage to go back there and feel that all over again. Brilliant details, so much we learn, but Sarah is gone and that is too much for me, not to mention young 17 year old you. Rated. Loved.
Thoth, I am so sorry that you experienced such a heart wrenching experience. Despite all of this you have moved on with your life. It's clear from the comments and my own thoughts that none of us will soon forget your story.
"I am in a most cherished grief." That is a poem unto itself.
Oh, Thoth - I think you and Sarah had such similar souls.
You remind me that it's the courage to be innocent that allows us to love deeply.
I wish that innocence for you, my friend. You deserve it. Don't ever let life take it away from you.
Love and a BIG rating.
Beautiful in its sadness.
Tea garden, water polo, flying Dutchmen, you in leather Speedo??!! And I have I've heard your stunningly sensual voice, OMG, what a picture !.
So sad yet so beautiful. How lovely and sweetly sexy it all sounds; tragic and life altering…
Greif is real ,fantasy an escape, you have given both to many with this beautiful post
thank you
I too, am speechless. . . thank you for sharing with us..... hugs!
Oh my. What others have said. But how did she die so suddenly? An accident? Very much in the tradition of the classics.
Oh life is strange indeed, I am so sorry Thoth, this is really a beautiful legacy to love. It isn't in the simplicity because there is very little that is simple in life, and with love that much more complicated. I have to admire so much about your standards and about the girl you were willing to beome espoused to. If you are wondering if love will come again, it will when you least expect it. It will not wipe out the memory of your lost love, but will replace it with fresh new love, the kind you will be looking to feel rejuvanted with.
What's amazing about this sad and tragic story is that it didn't leave you hateful, hardened and bitter. You are truly one of the kindest, loving and sincere men on OpenSalon. What is your secret? Love to you, Thoth.
My man, Sam I am, not, you my friend are one hell of a writer. You are the most dependable reader and commenter on here and I am just now catching up on your works. I believe that we are kindred spirits in many ways... Not sure if you'll get that, but I think you may.
Well written. It seems there is no love like young love with all its promise. Thanks for giving us this experience.
i didn't see sarah's death coming. it caused a clunk inside me when she died. great writing. thank you.
So well written.
You took us through the story slowly and deliberately at a wonderful pace.
I know that someday you will see her again.
Is it Fiction Friday? I get my days and nights mixed up around here...

Does Speedo come in leather? naaahh
Thoth: I want to cry for you but I won't because I know you're absorbed the truth of this, that you can love. Isn't it wonderful? It changes everything. I am glad you have this wonderful relationship in your memory.
In your future, there is a woman waiting just for you, I know.
Kim
How can one ever get over the pain of a love lost in such a manner? Perhaps it helps you to cherish even more the lucky one who has your heart now or will in the future.

Work away today, think about tomorrow
Never comes the day for my love and me.
I feel her gently sighing as the evening slips away.
We can never replace the love of a loved one and we can never forget, and the pain never goes away. Yet time brings back the happy memories, and the lucky ones fall in love again and find happiness.

Thank you everyone for you kind words and wonderful support.
The water polo scenes were great. The game is a great mix of athlete and animal. The Berkeley-UCLA games are off the chart. This culture is conducive to the type of relationship you described. This type of loss at such a young age has proven difficult to recovery from. It sounds like your getting your confidence back…
However, there will never be another Sarah. MF
I really loved this. I am sure you were very charming and romantic in your leather speedo:) Very well said. rated.
Thank you for inviting me to come here to read this lovely and poignant piece, Thoth. There is such power in your simple telling of a truly great, epic love story--one that ended all too soon. And it sounded like you didn't even get to say a proper goodbye because you expected her to return to you and your planned life together. A tragedy of that magnitude never quite goes away, as you said in your comment above. But you do learn to live with the low-grade, constant ache. And that's the best any of us can hope for after a life-altering jolt like that. Thank you for sharing this with us. I respect you even more after reading this than I did before. Rated for courage and sincerity. D
shockingly beautiful and tragic
There is so much to be said about this piece...but....you said it all ,my friend, so eloquently. What a poignant piece. R
Also speechless. Lovely poetry at the end, especially, Thoth.
Beautiful, vivid, haunting. My heart goes out to you.
This was so vividly conveyed, yes, stunning.
Exceptional prose. Incredible, bitter-loss, this love.
Powerful writing, Thoth. Glad I was too tired last nite to read and comment on so many of these letters, and especially glad I didn't try my hand at capturing the levels of craftsmanship - hell, artistry - that you brought to us here, because so many of the other comments have done it so much more intelligently and perceptively than I could have.

But your prose and poetry did sweep me away. You have a true gift, my friend. And I agree with John of the Village of Whitefish Bay (wow, what a name) that the phrase an honorable coyness that commands surrender is exceptional. Magical.

As a story, this does rival Romeo and Juliet - more refined and subtle. I hope the movie is made while Winona Ryder is still young enuf to play Sarah. (r)
(r)
Many lines in here that lovely... I am in a most cherished grief.... I only see Sarah when I smile....
Losing someone at this tender time in life is devastating. (I had to admit the leather speedo caught my attention also!) You seem to have had an interesting life, please keep writing about it..
Oh my God. Not only beautifully written (natch) but such a story, I'll be thinking about it for a long, long time. Oh, a long time. I am most struck by how you tell a story that has such a component of tragedy with such spareness and emotional economy, no sentimental ick to cheapen the weight. It's funny (the abandonment of William) and intriguing (the descriptions of your parents) and loving (Sarah).

I have lots to say, but would end up writing a post of my own here in the comments.
"She is innately shy, but in her heavenly eyes, I can see an honorable coyness that commands surrender."

You undoubtedly honor and understand women, dear Thoth.

What a wonderful, tragic and life affirming event in your life. There is no doubt she helped to shape the man you are today, the way you love and have expanded your mind, your scope of things, unspoken, unseen.

Dimples, huh?!
Thoth, I love this Sarah you so beautifully write about. Boy, you really have a gift for writing~ More!
I was hoping as I read this that it wasn't a true story. It was very well-told, but I am sorry for anyone who would lose someone so special.
Exceptional story, exceptionally expressed. Beautiful, Thoth. Sad, yes; tragic, yes; but beautiful and profound.
Sarah made you the man that you are today, I'm sure of it. What a wonderful, selfless gift, beautifully written.
This is really very lovely, Thoth. Well done indeed. I have a few questions for you, and I'm asking these questions because you are withholding details that I really want to read. I suspect you find it painful if this is as utterly honest as I want it to be.

I really wonder at the too-good-to-be-true features. Even gaining her family's consent seems effortless. Was it that simple? If it was, is it frightening that it all fell into place so easily?

I want to see more of her than beautiful and sweet, and I'd suggest just a few brief details of manner or behavior that sets her apart in some way. I want to fall in love with her too, you know? And I just don't have enough for that yet.

Finally, I want to know a bit more about the aftermath of her death. I don't necessarily need to know a lot, but you are skirting something profound here. I want to feel it a bit more and take over some of the suffering duties myself.

This venue is not often used for workshopping, but I'm going to lay it out there and hope for the best. I mean it when I say I admire it and want to feel more of it. You have excellent writing skills and instincts. I don't want to hold your entire heart in my hands, but I would like a sample for biopsy.

My letter took an unexpected trajectory as yours did, and that's a good thing. Trust your instinct to veer away and pursue whatever course is ahead. It is a launch pad liftoff, but the rocket is not under ground control. If Ouija boards work like they do in the movies, that would be a reasonably good metaphor.

Thanks for pulling me in.
@ Leslie

I tried to write what I felt affected me the most in a relatively small space, which is the idea of the letter.

Getting her parents consent was very difficult and took a lot of work; I thought this was irrelevant to what I wanted to tell me at 17.

At seventeen, I didn't really see past her beauty, kindness, honor and cuteness; I just fell in love hard. Again, I was merely describing my love and suffering in a limited space.

Thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful input.
I do understand self- and other-imposed limitations; setting rules somehow permits more creative thinking rather than less, and it has served you well. But now that it is outside of your head as well as inside, it can become something much greater. I encourage you to try in whatever way is comfortable, either privately or publicly, here or elsewhere, to take that risk.
(This has the makings of a fine novel.)
" Now I see Sarah only when I smile."

I know this line has been mentioned several times already but it really resonated with me. This is a beautiful, powerful elegy to Sarah, and to lost love. Nicely done.
Wow! Impressive writing!

I remember being an 'incurable romantic' as a teenager and having something close to this with nearly every girl I came across. Well, except for the dying part that is. I gave my heart too easily.

Tragic... They say it's better to have loved and lost but sometimes I wonder how easy it would be to have never loved at all... However it might be easier but none the smarter.

A great song for us with their hearts on their sleeves is 'Love in the library' by Jimmy Buffett. To the innocence of love, and the harsh reality of life...
Lovely piece Thoth - reads like a good piece of fiction - well written and well constructed. You do bring out a lot of emotion. Thanks for giving me the alert, I enjoyed it. (Leather speedo?)
Oh, I forgot - very moving indeed.
Very beautifully written Thoth. R
Great writing man. It sounds even better the second time. It captures the pain and sorrow, but maintains the respect and adoration due to a special person in your life. Rated.
Such a moving and poetic description of young love Toth! It's so tragic... thank you for having the courage to look at yourself at 17 and share it with us. Rated!
Thoth, thank you for sharing so eloquently your story of young love and tragic loss. Our collective experiences shape who we are as writers. I pray you are comforted by your memories of Sarah in the pink glasses.
R
rated for sweet passion, vulnerability, chivalry and love. while i agree it might be nice to know more of her, it works so well as what you intended.
Sorry to be so late to comment. The Haitian and Chilean earthquakes overshadowed the worst quake in 100 years here.

Your writing, is as so many others here have commented, is superb, and I appreciate You opening up a side of You that I never knew before.

When my Parents and extended family objected to my choice of someone of a different race/religion, I simply bade them all farewell and haven't had contact since.


rated
My dear Thoth, this is beautiful and true. I am quite stunned by it.
The other commenters have said so much...I just wanted you to know I was here. And there. xxxooo
Thoth, what a beautiful love story. through all the pain, I hope you have found great love again!
Rated
I read this a few days ago...it has not left my mind. Tears, understanding and feeling. I wanted to sit with this before I commented.

It still touches me deeply.
Rated.
I know these feelings.

This story really made me feel the pain, and I am in tears now.

Beautiful thoughts and words for the most beautiful gift of feeling ever.

Lovely and so sad.
wow powerfull stuff. So soory to read that pain is in this story at the end, but greif as well as life is a process. Would she really want you to be this sad, or to remember her in good times?
Oh, god...Thoth, this is so sad. I'm so sorry. How tragic.
Bless.

(And, yes, I'm also disturbed by the leather Speedo, it has to be said.)
Water Polo is a most violent sport. With Professional/Olympic level Water Polo Leather swimsuit used to be and still is a standard issue.
I didn't see Sarah's death coming either. I thought she was your wife.

This was a beautiful tribute, Thoth.
Anyone who gets such a tribute has to have been special. A celebration of what could have been but was not and yet in way is. Kudos!
This is just exquisite. I am still shocked by what happened to Sarah--I did not expect that. How tragic! Beautiful tribute.
A fantastic piece of writing. Vivid and clear. I felt swept along as if in a current and then bam, Sarah's death, it took my breath away and I wanted to know more, why, how. But it was clear that wasn't the important part of the story. She died and then I was hoping that you were writing a great piece of fiction. But you weren't. I am left wondering why all the secrecy and why your parents even conspired to keep the news from you for a week. I suppose in the grand scheme of things perhaps that didn't matter to you, but it stood out for me. Beautiful poem and of course, how could something like this that a 17 year old boy experienced not shape who he is now as the man? Breathtaking, tragic and I'm still sad, despite having read this several days ago. Thank you.
Oh Toth, this was heartbreaking and I can't believe I am just now getting to it. Incredibly powerful (although the leather speedo threw me off a bit!!). Rated amongst the other 101 ratings.
Leather speedo? Can't get over that image. Sorry about your loss.
Omg, this is so beautiful. I'm so glad I finally got to this.
YOU are a movie. One I would contine to watch even when it makes me cry, which I hate to do.
Beautiful and haunting; the way all of life is. Thanks so much for sharing this.
thoth agree with robin's comment and although atmosphere of privilege annoyed i loved this story thought about fate thank you i bow to you and sarah
This is a poem I wrote for my husband in 2003. I thought of you and Sarah when I read it. ' One...Whether half asleep or awake, Your name is on my lips. In all that I am, In all that I do, There 's a constant burning light. That burning is my desire..and love for you.' I am so sorry for such an experience at such a tender age.
thoth what is the bit about leather speedo? never seen swimmer in leather is it a water polo thing?
Water Polo is a most violent sport. With Professional/Olympic level Water Polo Leather--or leather like/rubber strong material--swimsuit used to be and still is a standard issue, referred to as leather/rubber swimwear.
Your poetry if fine and your sentiment devine.
This is so rare. Why do I get to share in this? I don't even know you. How lucky we are that you write.
Your posts are powerful & seeing how you already have over a hundred comments you may realize this. So, just going to save bravo!
Thoth,
Thank you for posting this. Be open to love again and you will be fortunate enough to discover it. It may come to you when you least expect it.

Here's hoping that we will all be so fortunate in time and when we are all truly ready to appreciate it.

XOXOXO
V
Oh my Goodness. I am so sorry . It is so beautiful and so very sad.
Thoth, I am saddened by this lost of "your Sarah"! I hope you found ....... rated~
Rated.

I fell in love with her too through your eyes. So beautiful. So lucky to have loved her. I'm sorry for any pain.

xo
Stephanie
My first visit to your blog, and I am blown away.
You have me in tears. Bless you.
Thoth, although this is tragic and one of the worst heartbreaks someone could have - with this beautifully written love story gives hope to many women that men's hearts run deeper than we had known before. Bravo! :-)
Thoth, I am honored that you shared this with us all. It's a beautiful story. I feel your heartache.
Very tender and heartfelt from your soul. If Sarah had lived, I am sure you would have loved her forever and ever amen. Jali.
Thoth,
Simply amazing. It was such a well written story it could become a classic like Romeo and Juliet.
Rated with hugs
Thoth, you made me a teenager clumsily excited just to witness your love story unfold. And grew me with the bottomless depth of your love for beautiful Sarah. I was no more prepared for the tragedy of her loss then you were - and cannot imagine its full measure on you. It is a flaw that I very rarely cry - you have made me. "Now I see Sarah only when I smile" - the gift of an ultimate love.
Thoth, this is so beautiful. As Carly Simon sings, "There's more room in a broken heart." May all hearts be healed.
Beautifully written, heartbreaking piece, Thoth. Is this based in truth?
What an incredibly powerful story. You made me laugh and cry and wonder...well done.
Thank you so much, Wren, Erica and Maureen, I appreciate your gracious words and visit.
Thoth: There is so much here, it's almost too much for a blog post, you know? If this is true, it's an incredible story. It's the kind of story you're probably going to have to keep writing your whole life to ever really begin to understand.
Tragic, beautiful writing. Can't stop thinking about it.
Thank you, Helvetica! Yes, one day I think I will do it.

Yes, Erica, it is based on a true story.

Thank you, Firechick for the kind words.
I love this Sam! It is an excellent and touching story... The poem at the end brought tears to my eyes.
I have always loved sailing. There is something about it. My Grandmother says, "You have Rooney blood in you dear. And you have Owen blood in you...that makes you in love with the sea/ocean." Now I'm going to tell you the truth, I have went through many changes in my life. I have went through many changes in my belief system. And I'm still not sure if I personally believe my blood makes me feel, think, do, or favor anything. Just my opinions. :-)