Last night I received an intelligent objective comment on my post “The God Solution.”I agree, Placebostudman, no religion is above scrutiny.
FOX News Viewers and Terrorists
Have you ever noticed how liberals, democrats and those with no political affiliation alike are so different? Each individual has a different opinion. They fight amongst each other; they are all over the ideological spectrum. Right Wing Evangelicals—I make no distinction between present right wing republicans and Evangelicals—on the other hand, not only do they think alike, they all say the EXACT same shit. They give the EXACT same answers and voice the EXACT same slogans. Whether it is a right wing think-tank, any republican congressman, any republican woman at grocery store, or any right wing farmer on a tractor in any state, interviewed at the same time, they will all give the EXACT same answer to the same question. This is so scary. Who else does that? The answer is terrorists. How do they do that? Where does the Big Meeting take place? The answer is simple, on FOX News every day, and in churches everywhere.
Thoth © 2003
How to Interview a FOX News Viewer
You must follow certain rules when interviewing or merely talking to a FOX News viewer, a right wing Evangelical or a terrorist; they are all the same. They all hide their deep-seated anger behind this constant terrifying smirk—Peggy Noonan, a closet right winger, has the best, although the scariest smirk. They are all trained by the clergy/think-tanks to shut down at the first sign of logic. If you start making sense, you will lose them. To gain their trust, instead, you must sound simplistic. Yet always be alert and aware of the fine line between simplistic and simple, never raise the bar. They will resist simple too. Furthermore, control yourself and hide your disdain. It is a very painstaking task. Also, keep trying to show your admiration for the cause, giving the impression that you want to be “one of them.” Finally, it is always a big plus if the interviewer is one charming motherfucker. This will help drown the “unforced” slips of the tongue, for slip you will.
Thoth © 2003
Megan is a born-again Evangelical and a behind-the-scene right wing think tank, much less venomous than Peggy Noonan is and much prettier and smarter than that ugly witch Ann Coulter. Megan is a winner; she is beautiful, she has great job, nice family and friends, and Megan is not her real name. Megan is a FOX News fan and loyal viewer, and she believes that all the faithful, just like her family and friends should watch FOX News exclusively, and they all do.
Megan and I talked and talked. This is the last and relevant part of our conversation.
I am not asking you why you believe, I want to know what you believe. I admire the strength of your faith, and that is why I want to know exactly what you believe. I want to know how your Jesus is different from mine.
There is only one Jesus.
OK, so we are talking about Jesus of Nazareth, right?
Yes, but when you say it like that, you make it sound like he was one of “those” people over there.
Arabs, Jews, you mean.
Yeah…Jesus was born there only because Columbus was not born yet. Jesus came for the New World; He came for “us.” Jesus is not an Arab Jew, no matter what you Catholics say. He can’t be. (Affirmatively) Jesus is one hundred percent American.
See, I know Jesus lived as a man until his crucifixion. It is important to me to know that man. I want to know the Jesus you know. What do you believe he looked like? Did he look like those Arabs?
Of course, not, Jesus was definitely white; that is the whole point. He was tall, handsome…long hair. (Conceding) Though I, myself, believe he had dark hair; he wasn’t blond, but he definitely had blue eyes.
How did he dress? Did he dress like those Arabs? I mean everyone who lived in this part of the world at that time dressed like Arabs. You know…napkins, towels on their heads.
You know the answer to that, but we cannot have this image in the minds of the faithful. Jesus must have a European…a Western, uh, an American image. I am not a Mormon, but they got that one right. But, this is neither here nor there. Jesus will smite all of them on his Second Coming. (Hesitating) He will smite all those who do not convert to Christianity…all those who do not take him as their Lord and Savior.
You believe that anyone who does not take Jesus as Lord and Savior is going to hell whether or not Jesus smites them.
That is exactly what Pope Urban the Second thought and he was Catholic. Do you know who that is?
Not really, I heard the name.
He was the one who fired up the Crusades; he told the crusaders it was “God’s will” to kill the infidels. On their way to the Holy land and when they got there, the Crusaders killed everyone, Jews, Muslims and even Christians just because they were Arabs.
I agree that it is God’s will to kill the heathens, especially the Christian Arabs, but I don’t agree with his intentions. He wanted the Holy Land for the Catholic Church; that is not God’s will. God’s will is for the Holy Land to be returned back to the Jews, not the Christians.
…So that Jesus comes back and smites the Jews.
I didn’t say that. Jesus will first ask the Jews to convert. He will smite only those who refuse to convert to Christianity!
(Does not that sounds to you like Jesus is going to smite, well…the Jews)
Thoth (kissing ass).
You agree then with George Bush on the Iraq war.
I was wondering when you were going to bring him up. Yes, I absolutely agree with Bush on the Iraq war. I agree because Bush was appointed by God to do God’s work.
Megan (Interrupts furiously).
Let me finish. Boy, am I glad you brought this up. You think we [Evangelicals] do not know that Bush messed everything up, the economy, health care, education…We know; we are not stupid. But, that is not why God chose him to be president at this crucial moment, right before 9/11. The Holy Spirit inspired the Iraq war, just as it did the Gospel.
Yet, the Iraq war was a disaster. We did not even win the war. How can God lose a war?
The Iraq war was never about winning or losing.
Thoth (reassuringly begging for an answer).
Well, the Iraq war is about one thing and one thing only. It is about killing the enemies of Jesus. It is about killing Muslims. There, I said it. You say what you want, but this is God’s will.
This last statement, shocking as it may be, was not news to me. I knew going in that this particular unspoken truth is in the core ideology of the right wing Evangelicals. Yet hearing Megan utter these last words stopped me dead in my tracks. I did not know what to say. We were both stunned. We both looked at each other with thankful eyes—she finally spoke the truth aloud. I will always admire Megan’s courage for voicing such an ugly truth. Before you start judging Megan, remember that she is only one of at least seventy million American FOX News viewers who believe what she believes. Yet only few of them have the courage to admit what they believe.
Thoth © 2009