Theodora L'Engle Knight

Theodora L'Engle Knight
Portland, Oregon, USA
July 02
Pack Leader, Her Royal Highness
Prozac On Paws: The Tale of Three Spayed Females
jewish writer/former screenwriter/recovering accountant from Boston now moldering in the rain in Portland, OR. and, yes, of course i should move but I battle with Agoraphobia and have trouble even leaving my apartment. but i'm blessed to have a fabulous 9 year old service dog Cocoa Chanel. Ella Fitgerald was my Official SD. she was 11 years old and so perky and such a trooper but she passed away in July. Cocoa has been stepping up and taking her job very seriously, which is so moving. so we now have a kitten. he drives us crazy and then he conks out wrapped around cocoa and we forgive him. we thought he was a girl. i named "her" Gloria Steinem and she was a feminist and a feline-est. but it turned out that Gloria's Balls had dropped. so his name is Gary Cooper or G-Coop. as annoying as he is much of the time -- apparently he's a Teenager now -- he takes our focus off of losing Ella, which was my intent when we adopted him.

MAY 2, 2011 5:32AM

Ding Dong the Sociopathic Bitch is Dead! & other crap/carp.

Rate: 7 Flag

Bullet One:

I’ve been meaning to check in for a while now. It’s been more than a year, after all...

What finally got me to get in touch is the whole Bin Laden being dead thing. What is sad is that I have become so cynical that I suspect/believe that the CIA did not kill him or find his body, that instead he just died on his own, if he is dead at all. This feels like a major “Wag the Dog” situation. If you haven’t seen this film with Dustin Hoffman and
Gene Hackman about a Presidential scandal and a team of government officials and
Hollywood producer/director creating a fictional television war to distract everyone from said dirty deeds, check it out.

Shit, man, grim subjects with humor is supposed to be my Thang – thanks, Tink – but I’m running a high fever from yet one more sinus infection and yada yada yada. So I owe a whole lot of dark humor in any future posts, if there are any.

But after 10 years, the CIA actually found this A—hole and he’s conveniently dead? Today, the week after the Correspondents Dinner? Seriously, man?

This is all just too convenient. Obama’s base, myself included, is almost totally disenchanted with him. Thank Godiverse for comedy. Seth Myers whole bit about how the president would love the 2008 version of himself??? Like Buttah… This country and the world is royally fucked economically and in other ways. Republicans have become rapacious and Evil to an extent that is beyond comprehension. Planned Parenthood? Obama’s teleprompter? Again, kudos and congrats to him for being so entertaining. Now, sir, as I’ve been saying for a long time, it’s time to find your balls, sir. You gave those Right Wing douchebags more budget cuts that they asked for???? Eff you, man. Eff you and the horse you rode in on.


God, it feels good to vent to some others who share at least some of my views and my broken-heartedness.


Obama was extremely funny at the dinner. The videos were brilliant. I know that, but I dislike him so much now and trust him so little that I don’t care. In fact, I hated seeing him being charming and sharp and acting like he gives a shit and taking his enemies on when this is not the man who has been “leading” us.


Hence my complete skepticism about this Bin Laden crap. Our president needed a win desperately. He needed a reason for this hideous war and some results to finally present to us and to the world. I’m thrilled that this supposed event has resonated around the globe and cheered so many millions up. We all needed some good news so freaking badly. Too bad that, I suspect, it’s all a huge lie. Whatever… Welcome to venial and vituperative Politics these days, right?


Bullet Two:


My ex-con convicted liar Leona in Polyester “mother” died in December, I think it was. I found out about it from my “sister” the day after Mom passed away. Had no idea Z, for Zena, was even sick. “sis” emailed me a few times, she claims, but I had blocked her email because, basically, we hate each other and it was too painful to have any Just the Facts contact with her. I just assumed that my sociopath of a parent would live forever, like Rasputin, so it never occurred to me to even think about her death.


This has been a bitch and a half to work through. My feeling is that what my c---sister did was morally bankrupt, especially for someone who is an observant religious person, a Conservative Jew. I believe, beyond words, that she had an obligation to write to me, call me, send a Pony Express telegram… at least one version of something else. She didn’t have my phone number because she refused to talk to me on the phone, but, fuck her, one brother is a cop in San Diego. He could have found this out.


And, get this, magically the day after my “mother” died, my c--- of a sibling realized that she could contact me on Facebook!!!!! This is how I found out that the Bitch was Dead. Poof, out of the ether, she suddenly thought of this option once Z was deceased and there was no chance of my getting my Agoraphobic ass back to Boston and her having to deal with me. the irony being, of course, that I couldn’t have made it Back East to say good-bye or to go to the funeral because I AM AGORAPHOBIC.


Well, any ethical and educated person – Sis is a lawyer, went to Hampshire and Rutgers Law – would know that it’s hard enough losing a parent with whom you had a loving relationship. But when someone with whom you had a terrible one dies??? Fucking A! That is a quantum leap worse. Too be ignorant of this, to refuse to make sure that another child of this hideous woman has a chance to say good-bye, to have her say. There is no closure with shit like this, but at least there can be an attempt at some truth before it’s too late.


Well, onward and upward…


Bullet Three –


Okay, my rants are over for now. The good news in all this is that all four of us finally inherited our Grandma Esther’s trust. Z had been living off the interest and dividends for years. Esther knew that she was the modern equivalent of a Riverboat Gambler and didn’t want her to piss away money that was meant for us.


So, bottom line, almost $500, 000 is coming my way.  And, shit, YES, I KNOW HOW INCREDIBLY BLESSED I AM TO HAVE THIS BOUNTY!!!! I totally get that. To be given a Nest Egg when I had just assumed that I would be scraping by for whatever remains of my “life”, as so many millions are doing, is phenomenally fabulous. The delay is not because of probate. It’s due to Sis’ insistence that the funds be put in a Special Needs Trust for me, mostly, I suspect, because she and my brothers want me taken care of for the rest of my life so they won’t have to help me or see me again or whatever.


Well, despite her reasons for wanting me to do this, it does make sense because I am traumatized by money ever since my dead husband’s pancreatic cancer took all of our money. Watching a lifetime’s assets drain away, as so many people have gone and are going through now due to Obamas and the Democrats refusing to man up and fight for us at a time when Corporate profits are through the roof and yet these fucking Robber Barons refuse to hire anyone... Whew, okay, I won’t go into another rant. Not tonight anyway. So, anyway, I am not comfortable making my own financial decisions. I will have input, of course, but the money will be managed and Growed, I hope, and I will be able to ask for disbursements as needed to improve my Quality of Life.


It feels amazing to actually have a team, well anyone, that has my back, to have People whose focus is to make my life better. What does suck is that if I had my Druthers – once again I would like to know what Druthers are – I would give half of this money away to organizations that are helping those in dire need. But, under this Trust agreement, I am not allowed to do this. I am required to allow these funds to last me for as long as I’m here on Earth.

And before anyone launches in to me, I am and have been donating a lot of money, for me. and will do more of that when I have access to the trust. that is the part that feels so good. it's a blessing to be able to give to causes that i'm passionate about and not just sign petitions online and share on FB. it's not much. again, i don't have access yet. But i'm supremely fortunate, i know, to not have to police the money i've managed to save over these thrifty years, to be able to let go of some of it, knowing that more is coming. and when i die, i have already named people and organizations that will get what is left. 

I've written about this at length, but i suspect that because i've always found Life and People to be pretty Overrated, less so now that my meds cocktail is better and better, and because Godiverse is perverse with a sick sense of humor, that i will end up living forever, rocking on the porch when I'm 120, bitching and moaning that Ebola was supposed to be fatal. I would hate this, so i'm praying that it will be another 20 to 30 years at the most. and i've been busy doing Future Values on my old HP 12c calculator. The one thing that I actually remember from that MBA crap/carp.

Yes, I know, poor me, right?

But, of course, my “sister”, the lawyer, who has never practiced law or worked outside the home, decided that she wanted to be my Trustee. It took a while to shake her off and then there was a Not Good company that was an option for a while, not to mention my Trust lawyer who has a hard time with time management so it took forever and a day for the thing to finally go to the Trustee people and then, it turns out that it all has to go to court. Not for two weeks, as my communications-challenged attorney told me, but instead it takes a month or more.

Again, poor me having to wait, right? Cry me a river. I get that completely. But I have this bizarre desire to hang on to my teeth and there is a dearth of gum tissue left in my mouth to anchor them. It would so nice to have some oral surgery, painful as it is, in order to have some chompers to keep me company in my dottage. And the poor Wonderpups are seniors now, well, Ella Fitzgerald is, and they very very badly need some dental care themselves. It is extremely Spendy, as they say here. Back East we say Pricey. And it’s a gift from Godiverse that I have a chance to improve their health this way.


So that is what is going on. It is possible that very soon the money will actually be with the Trustee people and they will start managing and growing it and making my “life” better. Sadly, at this point, 4 months along, I believe this as much as I believe that the CIA miraculously found and made Osama Bin Laden dead, but stranger things have happened. Right?



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Theo my friend, it's nice to hear from you again. As usual, you covered all the bases and also made me smile. I hope you post more often on OS. I missed you!
Well sh*t! Congrats on the half a million dollars!
Chica! It's good to see you . . . and it's great to hear that there is a little relief coming your way . . . if it's true that into every life a little rain must fall, then surely a little sun must be due also . . . in your case, you're due for a beach vacation (minus any anxiety, of course).
:) Congrats and good to see you around!

~nodding~ I keep wondering if they'll show the Script Writer who wrote this 'Bin Laden is Dead....' movie. :D

Congrats on the good news on the trust. Too sweet. Won't say 'Sorry' on your mom's death, doesn't sound like it was 'I'm sorry to hear of her death' relationship.

And WELCOME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~hug~

Rated and Tink Picked, because I can!!
Theo, My friend, it is so good to hear your voice! You had me smiling, as usual, but I felt sorry that you did not get your chance to expel some of the Zee demons. This makes me sad.

But, I'm glad you're here! Very funny stuff, as always so well written!
It's good to see you back and I'm glad that the tortured relationship that you had with your mother at least produced a much needed financial benefit. You deserve the comfort that should come with that.

Seth Myers was great. I've watched the video of that a few times. Trump dismissed him as "a stutterer." (He didn't stutter).

You've been gone a long time and I'm glad that you're back and look forward to your POV.

OS is riddled with tech problems by the way.
oh, thank you, guys, for coming by!!! it means a lot. i've missed select people so much.

And, Roger, this site is pathetic. Truly pathetic, as are the people who manage it. i mean, seriously????? tech problems like this in 2011???? can't they hire some hackers or something to fix all this shit? i was horrified when i could hardly log-on after being away for more than a year. one of the many things i do NOT miss. i can't even say onward and upward because this is clearly not going to end.

but what really matters now is that Jesse James is now trashing Sandra Bullock in a "book" he "wrote". I just cannot believe it, dude.

so we need to all count our blessings. and, btw, you can now download audio podcasts of Bill Maher's show on Itunes, for free. Roger, you have to listen to the latest one posted. John Waters and a Teabagger and some ultra liberal woman. soooo freaking funny. check it out.

love love love and gratitude for you guys for showing up and for missing me. the Wonderpups send licks and cuddles!!!
Holy moly, it's you!