(In an effort to try to kick start some disciplined writing habits I did what all Americans do, I downloaded a writing app. I am using “A+ Writing Prompts.” This is not an endorsement of this product; in fact I feel quite certain that at some point in the future I will receive a cease and desist order from the creators. I made the commitment to write something about each prompt. I feel this will go well.)
“Lemon jus brightens pork dish.” Source: SouthCoastToday.com
This is not going to go well. There’s no way around it, the word “jus” just sounds dirty. Combine “jus” with “pork” in a sentence and you’re just asking the reader to conjure up late seventies porn. Speaking of the land that depilatory forgot (my late seventies mental porn usually includes a cameo from Gene Shalit. Now yours will too.), I had my brows waxed a couple of days ago (warning: the following may appear slightly racist but is historically accurate):
“What you here for today? Manicure, pedicure, and facial?”
“I just need my brows waxed.”
“You need more than that. You look old.”
“No, just my brows.”
“I give you facial. You look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You really need facial.”
“No. Just the brows, please.”
::sigh:: “Go back to chair one. No shoe on towels.”
*****
“You skin looking bad. You need facial. I get rid of black dot heads.”
“Maybe another day.”
“Close eyes. What are those spots on your eyelid?”
“Oh. Those are just a weird spots that showed up a few years ago. They seem to be fading.”
“You should see doctor to get them scraped off. Do that and come back to me and I scrape off the rest of your face. Make you look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You need facial. Your skin look like rice sack.”
::rip::
“You brows very thick. You lucky. Some people have tiny, tiny eyebrow. You have hair everywhere.” ::rip:: “Open eye.”
“Yes?”
::pointing in random direction of my neck::
“You want to wax there too?”
“Where?”
“Your neck, chin, and lip. I make you special face price.”
“No just the brows.”
“You very hairy. I make special price for hairy ladies.” ::rip::
“Just the brows today.”
::rip:: “No. I do whole face.” ::rip::
“Okay. Whole face.”
::rip:: “Good. You walk out with hair free rice bag face.” ::rip::
***
“I did perfect job.” ::holding mirror::
“Yes. Very nice. You always do my brows nice.”
“Get rid of neck hair.”
“Yes.”
“Get rid of long mustache.”
“I don’t think I had a long musta...”
“You have very large mustache. I made you special price.”
“Yes.”
“I clean off chin. Hard hairs on chin poke boyfriend. Bad for love.”
“I don’t think I had...”
“Stiff, stiff hair. You could have ripped shirt with chin hair.”
“Okay. I think that’s all my esteem can take for toda...”
“Neck hair out of control. I fix.”
“Alright, alright. What do I owe you.”
“Let’s see, special price for very hairy woman.... twelve dollar.”
“And now I remember why I keep coming back here.”
“Thank you. You come see me again.”
“Okay, I’ll see you next month.”
“Oh no. You come back next week. Hairy lady grow back quick. You get facial next time. Make you look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You really need facial.”
Mostly hair free
****
For the record, other things that lemon jus brightens:
Asparagus
Meatballs
Crying Children
Excel Spreadsheets
Gene Shalit porn
Open Wounds
Red Velvet Cake
“Lemon jus brightens pork dish.” Source: SouthCoastToday.com
This is not going to go well. There’s no way around it, the word “jus” just sounds dirty. Combine “jus” with “pork” in a sentence and you’re just asking the reader to conjure up late seventies porn. Speaking of the land that depilatory forgot (my late seventies mental porn usually includes a cameo from Gene Shalit. Now yours will too.), I had my brows waxed a couple of days ago (warning: the following may appear slightly racist but is historically accurate):
“What you here for today? Manicure, pedicure, and facial?”
“I just need my brows waxed.”
“You need more than that. You look old.”
“No, just my brows.”
“I give you facial. You look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You really need facial.”
“No. Just the brows, please.”
::sigh:: “Go back to chair one. No shoe on towels.”
*****
“You skin looking bad. You need facial. I get rid of black dot heads.”
“Maybe another day.”
“Close eyes. What are those spots on your eyelid?”
“Oh. Those are just a weird spots that showed up a few years ago. They seem to be fading.”
“You should see doctor to get them scraped off. Do that and come back to me and I scrape off the rest of your face. Make you look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You need facial. Your skin look like rice sack.”
::rip::
“You brows very thick. You lucky. Some people have tiny, tiny eyebrow. You have hair everywhere.” ::rip:: “Open eye.”
“Yes?”
::pointing in random direction of my neck::
“You want to wax there too?”
“Where?”
“Your neck, chin, and lip. I make you special face price.”
“No just the brows.”
“You very hairy. I make special price for hairy ladies.” ::rip::
“Just the brows today.”
::rip:: “No. I do whole face.” ::rip::
“Okay. Whole face.”
::rip:: “Good. You walk out with hair free rice bag face.” ::rip::
***
“I did perfect job.” ::holding mirror::
“Yes. Very nice. You always do my brows nice.”
“Get rid of neck hair.”
“Yes.”
“Get rid of long mustache.”
“I don’t think I had a long musta...”
“You have very large mustache. I made you special price.”
“Yes.”
“I clean off chin. Hard hairs on chin poke boyfriend. Bad for love.”
“I don’t think I had...”
“Stiff, stiff hair. You could have ripped shirt with chin hair.”
“Okay. I think that’s all my esteem can take for toda...”
“Neck hair out of control. I fix.”
“Alright, alright. What do I owe you.”
“Let’s see, special price for very hairy woman.... twelve dollar.”
“And now I remember why I keep coming back here.”
“Thank you. You come see me again.”
“Okay, I’ll see you next month.”
“Oh no. You come back next week. Hairy lady grow back quick. You get facial next time. Make you look fifty again.”
“I’m forty eight.”
“You really need facial.”
Mostly hair free
****
For the record, other things that lemon jus brightens:
Asparagus
Meatballs
Crying Children
Excel Spreadsheets
Gene Shalit porn
Open Wounds
Red Velvet Cake
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Tom King
Mature Student
Beth Mann
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Comments
nice brows, deven. :)
I saw it in a movie once.
Of course, you have to STEAL the Declaration of Independence first. And you need Ben Franklin's special glasses.
And Jon Voight.
I've waxed a lot of hair off of a lot of faces and bodies. The best stories are always the guys: a back wax is high comedy, and the best part is the guys are such great sports about it. We always end up in hysterics. Not very professional, I know.
Your "technician" sounds fabulous.
r.
.........(¯`v´¯) (¯`v´¯)
☼•*¨`*•.¸.(ˆ◡ˆ).¸.•*
............... *•.¸.•* ♥⋆★•❥ Thanx & Smiles (ツ) & ♥ L☼√Ξ ☼ ♥
⋆───★•❥ ☼ .¸¸.•*`*•.♥
Did you get the pitying head shake about refusing other procedures? I also get the pitying head shake.