Tejano's Blog

Gag Reflects
MARCH 14, 2012 3:11PM

Asher The Cat Guest Blogs!


Hello, readers.  My minder, Manuel Martinez, has implored me to guest write one of his Gag Reflects diatribes (for quite some time, I thought it was a column on hair balls). He told me that he wants to be fair to conservatives.  Finally. It's about time, Mister.

 

As

Read full post »

No. I have not lost my mind.  As of Super Tuesday, I am a registered Republican.  It’s not because I believe that the plasticine dummy, aka Mittens, is anything more than an empty, albeit, very expensive, suit.  Nor is it because I believe that Man-on-Dog, Papal enthusiast Rick SRead full post »

AUGUST 10, 2011 11:04PM

My Damned Cat

I’ve often rolled my eyes at pet owners who treat their animals as if they’re human. But when my cat, Asher, went missing for five days this past week, I was startled to find just how attached I am to the Baron Von I.P. Freely. I went out every morning and… Read full post »

MAY 25, 2011 5:11PM

Soylent Green is Old People!

Looks like the Tea Party Republicans have finally screwed the pooch with their plan to turn your gramma's Medicare program into something resembling a Groupon for 50% off a bikini wax.  Here’s Paul Ryan’s “brave” plan for “saving” Medicare in a nutshell: 

Read full post »
MARCH 24, 2011 8:05PM

Attack of the 40-Foot Philistines

The Tea Baggers Party of the American Taliban has now taken aim at any public art which insults Big Business’ tender sensibilities.  They don't like you people being reminded that you are getting reamed by a gang of savage drill monkeys twenty-four hours a day, 365 dias por ano 

Read full post »
MARCH 2, 2011 12:57AM

Calling All Zombies

So I was at the public union demonstration at the Ohio state capitol today.  A few thousand good people, mostly teachers, students, some cops and fire fighters, and others who realize that the right-wing hyenas aren't just gunning for "union thugs," they are coming for every last, semi-lucky basRead full post »

JANUARY 26, 2011 5:30PM

You Lazy Grasshopper

“This is a future in which we will transform our social safety net into a hammock, which lulls able-bodied people into lives of complacency and dependency."  (read that statement again…go ahead, I’ll wait)

So says Republican Rep. Paul Ryan in the “official” licens… Read full post »

Republicans should be worried about what is happening to the GOP.  The genie is out of the bottle, Pandora has opened the box, and the insane screeds of Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman and Glenn Beck are not only redefining the party’s values (we’ve moved from the old GOP meme ofRead full post »

JANUARY 9, 2011 12:25AM

Sarah Palin Has Blood on Her Hands

So a right-wing crazy decided to go on a shooting spree today “targeting” Representative Gabrielle Giffords, a moderate Democrat.  She was shot through the head and is in critical condition.  Six others, including a nine-year old child, were killed.  Thirteen people were shRead full post »

MAY 10, 2010 2:21AM

Why I Quit Smoking

Gag Reflects: Why I Quit Smoking

I spent the last 48 hours praying for emphysema.  It’s better than the alternative.

Ever since I developed this horrible hacking cough six weeks ago, seemingly out of nowhere, I’ve been thinking that I’ve never quite coughed like this before.&Read full post »

APRIL 21, 2010 9:48PM

These People Arent's Serious...

Gag Reflects: These People Aren’t Serious

Okay, since last year the Tea Baggers have been out in force, frothing at the mouth, pistols at the ready, screaming incredibly stupid shit like Obama is the antichrist, Hitler, a communist, a thug, un-American, and a host of other bullshit that they&r… Read full post »

APRIL 7, 2010 8:14PM

Next Up: Nazi Heritage Month

So the moronic Rethuglican governor of Virginia has declared April, “Confederacy Heritage Month,” I suppose, so that proud wannabe slave-owners can take a deep pride in the fact that their state and their shameless ancestors attempted to destroy the Union in order to be able to buy, sell,… Read full post »
MARCH 22, 2010 12:38PM

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner

 

Americans love them a winner.  Whether it’s Cornell knocking off Wisconsin, or some dude in tight pants doing a quadruple axle, or even a commie, fascist, Stalinist, Maoist, Kenyan usurper who just got healthcare reform passed despite the obstruction of a gang of rat-fuckers who wo… Read full post »

Editor’s Pick
JANUARY 28, 2010 10:36PM

If You Want to Know the Truth: RIP J.D. Salinger

I first met Holden Caulfield when I was in 6th grade. It was a tough year for me. My parents had just decided to split up, my best friend had decided I wasn't cool enough to hang out with anymore, and I developed a bleeding ulcer from all the worry andRead full post »

So, it is approximately three weeks before the new year, 2010.  Wow, how did that happen?  Ten years ago, everyone was terrified that Y2K would be the end of the earth and everything that was dear and holy would be lost as computers brought about the end of civilization.  Nothing happe… Read full post »
I was on the intertubes last night when I read this story about Lou Dobbs claiming that someone or someones are shooting at his house. He claims it's because of his "immigration views." If I had to guess, I'd be willing to bet that someone is shooting at Mr. Hate Spew… Read full post »
OCTOBER 16, 2009 6:47PM

Why Do They Hate You So Much?

Yesterday, in New Orleans, a young black kid, this beautiful, intelligent fourth grader, asked President Obama why people hated him so much. The kid's face was filled with heart-breaking concern, his unblinking eyes filled with naked anxiety and innocent confusion as the president struggled to answer… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 14, 2009 11:33PM

Amongst the Hatriots

I'm getting ready to harpoon a frothing wingnut in the face with my crutch. I'm on the DC metro. It's September 12, and the city has been overrun with thousands of deathers, birthers, LaRouchers, teabaggers, and your general neo-fascist southern cretin. They are carrying signs that call Obama a socia
Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 9, 2009 10:35PM

Time to Twist Arms

Listening to Barack Obama tonight, I was reminded why I worked my butt off for his presidential bid, why I knocked on doors dragging my then gimpy leg all over town, why I said the hell with a flat-screen HD teevee--I need to donate my few free bucks to this man's… Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 2, 2009 10:44PM

Time for a Prog March!

I'm going to be marching in DC on September 13th. An old-fashioned people's march letting the DC pigs know that we demand real healthcare reform, a real public option--one that sets the stage for eventual single-payer health care. It's time that the porkers who have been feeding their fat faces at… Read full post »
AUGUST 26, 2009 2:09AM

What Ted Kennedy's Legacy Should Be

A great American died tonight. It's a trite statement, "a great American," but for Ted Kennedy it is an accurate descriptor. I hope that the American public will be inundated over the next week or two with media coverage of what the man stood for. A champion of civil rights, women's
Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
AUGUST 12, 2009 7:45PM

Obama Makes Me Puke and Other Tidbits from Town Hell

<Photo 1>
So the first thing I noticed was that over half of the yahoos that had gathered outside of the Biomedical Research Tower at Ohio State University to protest against "socialized" medicine were old enough so that they rely on Medicare.  In other words, socialized medicine is just f… Read full post »
JUNE 15, 2009 9:57PM

Gag Reflects: Watch Your Ass

It's high time that we get down to the ugly truth, Gaggers, like that horrible day a month after Spring Break, when the frat dude must finally admit to himself that the festering rash isn't going to go away. 

Only this Rash has got guns and bullets and shit, and it very/… Read full post »
That's what Glenn "Big Baby Tears" Beck says. According to him, the only reason Sonia Sotomayor has been nominated as the first Latina/o to the highest court in the land is because she is a "Hispanic Chick." Pat Buchanan says that Sotomayor is an intellectual "lightweight" and purely an "affirmative… Read full post »
I find it laughable that Dick "5 Deferments" Cheney is shooting off his mouth these days to try to convince us that the poor ol' CIA needs to be shielded from the criticism of Nancy Pelosi. This is the same scumbag that just a few years ago made it his personal… Read full post »