Nobody Can Eat Fifty Eggs
JUNE 9, 2010 9:10AM

From the Mouths of Thomas Dick Harry and OS Babes

Rate: 6 Flag

One has reported on wars. The next one weaseled out of a war but started two more. And the last one made three war movies. That's about all they have in common--Helen Thomas, Dick Cheney and Dirty Harry. And they are all old and they are all white. And some strange, funny, churlish words have passed their old white lips.

But even stranger, funnier and even meaner words been typed by Open Salon members that appeared in the comment section of various OS blogs. I've lifted the words, pulled the quotes of Thomas, of Dick, of Dirty Harry and of OS members all together in a quotidian for you to decide who's who and who said what.

The following twenty-six quotes belong to either Thomas, Dick, Harry or an OS member from the past couple days.

1.  "Go on out and get some air, fatso." helen_thomas

2.  "You are without question one of the biggest pricks I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, but in situations like this, you have to turn that general dislike of that person into something positive. "

3.  "Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better." 

4.  "Fuck with me, buddy, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to unbutton your collar to shit." 

5.  "Go peddle your bullshit elsewhere, fella. There's a big, wide internet out there and I'm SURE you can find folks to share your warped beliefs."

6.  "This is the worst President ever. He George W. Bush is the worst President in all of American history. "

7.  "I had other priorities in the sixties than military service." Dick-Cheney--4504

8.  "Personally I feel we should nuke the entire region, but that's just me."

9.  "Direct threats require decisive action." 

10.  "You can put a monkey in a $ 2000 suit and he is still a monkey."

11.  "I'm all broken up over that man's rights!"

12.  "I think you're a big stinky Democrat apologist."

13.  "Tell them to get the hell out of Palestine. Remember, these people are occupied and it's their land."

14.  "You don't spread democracy through the barrel of a gun"  

15.  "Well, opinions are like assholes... everybody has one."  dirty_harry

16.  "Go fuck yourself". 

17.  "I think Barack Obama is a one-term President.

18.  "That's the fucking problem with libtards. They lie even when a lie isn't needed."

19.  "The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself." 

20.  "I hate the goddamn system, but until someone comes along with changes that make sense, I'll stick with it."

21.  I suppose that's democracy really. But everybody with a laptop thinks they're a journalist these days. That's a problem.” 

22.  "Hell, I bet you own a damn Yugo, don't ya, punk!"

23.  "It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.

24.  "Nazi is an interesting slur, because it's often used by both sides in a given debate to slam those in the other camp." 

25.  "You're a legend in your own mind."

26.  "There’s a saying about people like Carter (Jimmy) and I’m paraphrasing, but with accuracy, “I love Humanity. It’s people I can’t stand.” 

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Lt. Harry Callahan has donated a years supply of Rice-A-Roni which is his hometowns' treat, to the OSer who picks the most correct quotes.
Stellaa--To stick with the Tom Dick and Harry leit-motif, Helen was going being lumped with evil, granted Dirty Harry is fictional. As for those who say she touched the journalistic third rail, bullshit...I believe in a Meritocracy and Helen earned her stripes. I could have lumped her with Ann Coulter, Jonah Goldberg and Pat Buchanan with all the bat shit crazy, sick things they've said.
#1 is of course a quote from Dirty Harry
#2 i'm guessing was Helen
#3 cheney

#5 has to be an OSer ..its so eloquent :)

#12 also an OSer because it seems here on Open Salon we latch on to certain words and use them to death for a while... i remember when every other post i read was accusing someone of being some sort of "apologist"

#18 i think i recall reading that here..."libtard" bounced around here a lot at one point, much like apologist.

#24 i'm guessing is a recent comment here onOS...given the recent dust up thingie

i have guesses on some of the others, but was too lazy to type them all... besides, i hate rice-a-roni
I recognized several of the recent OS comments though I don't remember who said them. I just remember turning off my computer that night and watching "Real Housewives of New Jersey." _r
Lorianne--Thanks for playing. I'm not a fan of the Roni, you can have jasmine or basmati.
Joan--I don't know a whiff of that show, but whatever its' content, you made a sounder choice than viewing the tin soldiers exchange insult fire. Maybe that's the theme (wars, fake warriors) when I drafted this little exercise...I don't know, it's just one of those lousy days.
Do I have to pay for shipping if I win the Rice-A-Roni?

Cheney- 3,7,9,12,16,17,23

Thomas- 6,10,13,14,21,25

Harry- 1, 4,15,22

OS- 2, 5,8,11,18,19,20,24,26
Larry--Are you sure you don't want to choose Door #3 instead?
Larry--You got 19 correct and seven wrong.
Gee, this is fun! I want to play "Take Words Out of Context", too!

Here, let me try:

"Cheney and Helen Thomas reported mr Fawkes is a dick weasel." ;-)

(and yes, they're all from your first two paragraphs)

P.S. Signed, proud proclaimer of #22.
Safe bet---You are without question one of the biggest pricks I've ever had the misfortune of meeting, but in situations like this, you have to turn that general dislike of that person into something positive. "

Not one OSer was going to be named in this "game" but you just had to get your name in the boxscore didn't you?
Okay, I'm changing #22 over to the OS column. That gives me 20 out of 26 or 77%. When should I expect my rice?
You're welcome Larry. (Remember to send me my share)


"One of The Babes" (Not!)
Thank you Amy. I will send you 1/26th of my prize.
Larry--Did you read the fine print on the contest entry form? If you did not, you must be a resident of Potsylvania and drive a bichin' Camaro to be eligible for the Rice-A-Roni. Oh yea, and calling the contest director a dick weasel will get you a bonus 20 pounds of shrimp along with the San Francisco treat.
Contest ends tonite at 11 pm Potsylvania Central TIme.
I had an attorney by the name of A. Richard Weasel. His partner's last name was Snake.
I'd like to move #25 to the OS column, Alex. that's 21 out of 26 for 81%.
Sorry Larry #25 as changed to the OS column is still incorrect. I'm going to deduct 6.14 % points and charge your reptilian lawyer $150 fine for parking in the spot clearly marked vermin.
Is grif your shil? I think this contest is fixed.
Grif is either my drug mule or my bookie...I forget. And he's either telling me the 19 kilos are arriving on the 25th or I bet 25 large on the 1 horse in the ninth race at Santa Anita.
Larry you are clearly the leader in the OS clubhouse and I will start skimming the rice paddy to gather your prize.
Well, where's the key? I know I'm late, but I wanted the answers. I don't know! It's making me more crazy not knowing.