I have been utterly uninspired of late so I’ve not even bothered to try and write a blog. I hate forcing myself to write something when it doesn’t come easily because I will read it back a few days latter and wish that I hadn’t bothered. However, when I heard there was an open call that was just full of interesting prompts that I could respond to, how could I refuse? So here we go, my response to Pilgrim’s Open Call.
1. What is your favorite word?
Ravenous. Or Devour. I love words that people hear that could mean a plethora of things. Like, “Bob ravenously devoured his Big Mac” or “Jose ravenously undressed her with his eyes and imagined devouring whipped cream from her belly button”. I like the word plethora too, and myriad. They make a sentence a bit more interesting don’t you think?
2. What is your least favorite word?
Spork. I hate that word, and I couldn’t begin to tell you why! It just grates. I also get a little irritated at the use of the word nice to describe things. Nice? Is that the best you could come up with to describe the very expensive, procured at great personal effort because I thought you would love it gift I painstakingly wrapped in multi-layers of gift paper and ribbons? Nice? Next year you’re getting a damn gift voucher!
3. What turns you on?
Few things equal the thrill of another’s bare skin against mine, or the feather light touch of fingertips across my belly. However, before anyone gets close enough to me for me to test the finger tip thing there needs to be self-confidence and mutual respect. Someone who is comfortable in their own skin enough to respect you for who you are and make you feel comfortable in your own skin is vital to me. My husband, Ger, ticks all of the above (as well as having the dizzying blue eyes, firm abs, and great ass that contribute to the overall effect) so I could have shortened my answer and just wrote his name…
4. What turns you off?
Selfishness, bigotry, rudeness and a lack of personal hygiene. Any of these qualities displayed by someone wanting to get into my knickers has only ever led to one conclusion – them going home very much alone and me going home alone to a good through wash to remove the icky feeling of been hit on by someone like that. Icky, that’s another word I like a lot.
5. What sound or noise do you love?
I love, love, love the sound of leaves crunching under my feet in the autumn. You know the sound, on a fresh day with not an ounce of moisture in the air and a cool breeze giving you rosy cheeks and a red nose and the red, gold and amber leaves giving way to your toasty boots.
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
The one sound guaranteed to make me break out in goose bumps and run for another room is the sound of my cat’s claws on the wall as they try to catch shadows or bugs. Cliché, I know, but horrid nonetheless. I also detest listening to people chew. CLOSE YOUR MOUTHS PEOPLE!
7. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck is default curse it think. But I do love the ‘milder’, more British, words like wanker and tosser. I don’t feel quite as satisfied that I’ve expelled my distaste though, so it’s usually “you fucking tosser/wanker” – usually said when I am behind the wheel of a car and some prick has cut me up. There you go, another one!
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Aside from award winning novelist (which I am going to be someday)? I think I would like to work with some kind of charitable organization that helped disadvantaged children. I used to want to be a teacher to reach all of the kids that fall by the wayside until I realized the system simply wouldn’t allow me to teach how I saw fit (by putting the kids first…) so I think I’d like to try and help kids in another way.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
I absolutely could not be a paramedic, or work in any other profession that involved being the first on the scene of some horrific situation – including an animal cruelty response officer. I don’t have the guts. I also don’t think I’d last very long as a telemarketer or traffic warden, the self loathing would be too much!
10. If Heaven exists, whay would you like to heat god say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?“About time! We’ve been polishing this bloody halo since January 28th 1987! The seat at my right hand is taken (Jesus gets a bit jealous so I’d best not oust him) but how about this nice comfy one to my left? Move over Ghandi!”