Noodle Soup for the bowl

Amanda Gulledge

Amanda Gulledge
Birthday
April 27
Title
Particle
Company
Earth

MY RECENT POSTS

JULY 22, 2010 12:26PM

I walked into a space bar

Rate: 33 Flag


  

When did Sarah Palin reach her potential?

At birth

What do you call Obama with a hairlip?

A socialisp

What did McDonalds say to the little fat kid?

Welcome back

What do you call a black gymnast?

An afrobat

Why wouldn't the little boy go to church?

There was a priest there

What's the muslim study of past artifacts?

Archeallahgy

What's the fat babies favorite lullaby?

Twinkie Twinkie Little Star

Why did the White House lose power?

They forgot to pay the reform bill

Why did the pregnant spider scream?

She was having a taRANTula

What's a popular muslim fabric?

Demosque

What did Octomom take home from the hospital?

Litterature

Why was the cartoonist booked?

They found trace particles.

What did the pilot leave in the airplane toilet?

A travel log

What do you call a Russian on xanax?

A calmunist

Why did Tiger Woods text the psychic?

She gave good whoroscope

Who is Uncle Sam's sister?

Antibellum

Why are armless people so healthy?

They can't catch anything

What do you call a man-hating lesbian?

Anti-sementic

What do you call a relaxed writer?

Tranquill

Why does Tim McClellan sleep with his phone?

Scared to miss another call

Why did the golf ball like the water?

He wanted to be subpar

Why couldn't Tony Hayward graduate?

He forgot to order a cap and gown.

What do you get when a bull sucks helium?

A bulloon

What did the fetus request at the hotel?

A womb for two

What made the stairs into escalators?

Stairoids

Who supports the legalization of marijuana?

Prograssives

Why was the lizard put in jail?

Possession of mariguana

Why couldn't the little poor boy go to Sea World?

They didn't accept whalefare

How did the saavy homeless man make money?

He used an I Hate Obama sign.

Who handles stolen fonts?

The Serif's Deputy

What do feminists drive?

Vulvos

What killed the keyboard?

A keystroke

Why did the wine glass wear heels?

She wanted to lift her spirits

What killed the workaholic farmer?

Mad Plow

Where does the farmer get his meds?

The farmacy

Who designs the deadliest denim?

Gloria Vandersloot

Why did BP hire a thug?

He was good at capping

Which key opens rehab?

The Junky

What do Cheney and his daughter share?

The desire to manipulate Bush

Where did BP throw its trash?

In the peli can

Why was the lawyer scandalous?

She flashed her briefs at a well-hung jury.

How did the expletive travel lightly?

She only packed her swear essentials

Author tags:

amanda g, i got jokes

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Comments

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Whew what a collection!!! I must share them immediately!!! Fab fun for all of us word nerd punsters and affectionados! A hysterical list!!! Thanks Amanda! "}
wow! such a great group of jokes. i think i like the travel log best...
I would like to be 1/2 as clever as you._r
You are one clever lady, Amanda.
These are smart and funny. You are smart and funny.

The comedian Russell Peters has a joke that when a man marries a woman he catches a disease called Onegina. I think women who marry men get a similar disease, maybe called Monocockliosis.
There you go again, making me envious of your brain, and how it works (?) Very clever indeed. R-
Nothing but pure Amandaship.:)
Rated with hugs
My favorite: Why was the lawyer scandalous?

She flashed her briefs at a well-hung jury.


Hahahahahaha
Lezlie
*curtsys
Thank you very much.
I'll be here every night and probably some in the daytime.
Too funny, Amanda!
Where do you come up with these?
Where did BP throw its trash?
In the peli can

That came from staring at the cover of one of this weeks magazines. It was a pelican close up.
You must be great with pets, cause you've got mad Cat-skills.

Tip your waitress, folks.
sheeeeeeeeeeeee it!
Amanda..this is sooo clever..made me laugh, thanks for the joy!
I've got to know if you made these up! Are you THAT creative and humorous?! You must be a riot to live with!
You are a barrel of laughter, Amanda! Thanks for making my day. ~R
lol! These were great, Amanda!
r
Holy crap! So many, so good..
Why did the White House lose power?

They forgot to pay the reform bill

Amen, punster. Amen.
I'm bowled over - I didn't get a single one of them without looking at the answer. How in hell do you do it? Do you accumulate them over time or just sit down, pump up your adrenalin and pop them out like a litter of rabbits?
Have you been reading popsicle sticks again?

Funny stuff.
It's a good thing Jack Benny is dead. He would have been stealing your material the minute you hit publish.
Thanks for the giggles and grins!!!!
please send a copy to the Bard of Wasilla - along with explanatory notes.
Did you write these? You brilliant, bad girl.
Yes I wrote, as in "walked around with bits of precious envelope corners, paper plates and computer paper" precious because at one time or another that day - I penciled, used an eyeliner or scratched into the styrofoam a thought, joke or "there's a joke in here somewhere reminder."
I still want to know what you did with the bus driver
I detect a whole lot of loopiness going on here

Buffy
Oh, that Henny Youngman! Delightful, and impressive.
thank you supergenious.
Did you hear about the guy who ate a whole can of worms?

He sat around all day with baited breath.


Why can't Rigatoni divorce Fetucelle?

'Cause they would break the bonds of Holy Macaroni.


What do lions say before the hunt?

Preyers.


What is the top-selling condom in Saudi Arabia?

Sheik.


What do you call a Muslim horror flick?

An Allah-gory.


What does a Muslim Magician say?

Allah Kazam.


What assistance do you give a deaf pellican?

Herring aid.


Where do female pilots sit?

The box office.


What do Viking Warriors take for depression?

Valhallium.


What kind of cars do Swedes drive?

Fjords.


German word for romantic separation?

Fahrfrumnukkie.


What is the Italian word for suppository?

Innuendo
If you like those you'll probably like this as well:

http://www.querytools.net/Humor1.htm
Great collection and it will be circulated!
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