Noodle Soup for the bowl

Amanda Gulledge

Amanda Gulledge
April 27


JUNE 3, 2010 9:50AM

Even butts have plugs, BP

Rate: 38 Flag


corporate race

 Yeah, even butts have plugs available,

and that is why you are worse than assholes.

Gentlemen, stop your engines. Ever since you first held that briefcase in your innovative hands you looked up. Up at the heavens that blessed you and over the fact that they are dying.

You scoff at global warming while your private jets cool. You chill like fine wine while the earth bakes at an extra 36 degrees every decade.

I'll admit you were made for a suit. Handsome, strong and capable of turning the forests inside out with adventurous curiosity. You never overlooked a gem or mineral that was worth something. 

You always did adore adventure...

X marks the spot, right?

Well, it's not so cute that you found a spot and are non stop drilling in it. Stop playing Life Monopoly. You've won enough. I walked away with only a small house in Alabama and a family beach home on an ocean you are ruining. You walked away with Fifth Avenue, penthouses and more...but I do not remember the "ocean floor" being up for sale. Who gave you the rights to it?

You are poking holes in a floating planet without a safety plug! How did you ever get so successful without a tested back-up plan?

The planet is already sick due to human action.  We've snatched off her pearls, choked her with pollution and stolen her jewels. Now she is vomiting black blood because you're cutting her. What is this - Emo Earth?

And stop listening to people like Sarah Palin. She knows damn well that pumping an old hole causes nasty spills. 

If the black gold bubbles up in your backyard... go for it, Clampett. But stop jonesing for the next best thing. I certainly don't need anymore ways for people to get a hold of me. I've never seen so many people competing to have the smallest... the shiniest... the most able to reach my royal hiney-est.

I wouldn't blink an eye if someone told me that Apple was about to release an application that could sexually reproduce. I mean, I wouldn't buy the iBone, but I'd believe it was coming.

Remember when your children were little and wanted everything? You loosened your neck tie and gently said, "You don't even take care of what you have." 

Well, Mother Earth is tugging at your tie and warning:

If it's a race to the finish,

you're winning.






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great title, better post, but does nothing to dilute my anger bubbling since I heard the CEO on the 6 am news, in his monotone, saying something like 'we were totally unprepared for a disaster of this magnitude' as if we should feel sorry for THEM ...
Yeah, I'm not going to be feeling sorry for them anytime soon. Even their "flotels" they have to use are roomier than my home. As*wipes.
I agree with your sentiments here, but while we are pointing our fingers at the politicians and the greedy businessmen and yes, even at the evil Sarah Palin, we must also look in the mirror and point fingers at ourselves. After all it OUR insatiable demand for oil to drive our big cars and travel constantly, to heat our homes and to be used in a thousand other products that afford us a life of relative luxury the likes of which are seen in very few other countries of this world.

Our inability to do without, to cut back, and to curb our need for the latest gadget and being able to go where and when we want. WE WANT! WE DEMAND!

We are also to blame.
I'd rather have a horse drawn carriage than a mass extinction.
Without a doubt, this is one of the best things I've read all week, Amanda! Your wit, even in the face of one of the most devastating events in our lifetime, is fluid and excellent! kp
Amanda, I think some talk radio bloviators could easily shut off the flow of oil if they put their mouths over the end of the pipe!
Once again Amanda, thank you for taking the time to write one for me. I have so much on my plate. You're a dear:)

I can only say "Amen"!
Well said, Amanda G . . . sad, but brilliant . . .
This whole situation makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. I heard it's reaching Alabama. Will it affect your beach home? It's terrible!!! Not only is it killing and ruining so much, BP will pass on the expense to US!!! We'll have to pay higher prices at the pump because of THEIR stupidity!
"I mean, I wouldn't buy the iBone, but I'd believe it was coming. "
Even when you're angry, you're funny. ( was coming.)
Great review, Kit. "Fluid" matches the subject quite well!
Rimshot, Designator!!
You are so welcome, Joy. Yes indeed you do have a lot on your plate. One visit to your latest post proves just that, haha.
Scanner, I'll take a heathen amen any day. muah.
Owl, it is sad... and thank you xx
Morning, Patricia :) Yeah, we were going to go to the beach a LOT this summer but are telling the kids that it isn't a good time. Wanna see who's really mad at BP? Come look at my boys. :(
you rat.
me tiger.
hear me roar. rawwwrrrrr ;)
Excellent post!
As a Florida native I literally cry each night the news comes on. With no end in sight I cringe to think of the long term obliteration we will see.
You put into words what I feel as well.
I also would be fine with a horse drawn carriage : )
Hear, hear. I cringe when this story comes on the news. It gets harder and harder to watch. Is it remotely possible that we will all learn some lessons from this disaster?
Steve comes home sad , tired and angry every night.He is on the Sierra Club Task force for this mess.
Every day he gets up and finds out something else did not work.His mother who lives in FL is glued to the TV set. Heck, she does not even read my blogs anymore, she is so upset.
You are so right.I heard time and time again that I did not take care of my stuff. Everytime I don't recycle I am just as bad as they are and I am ashamed.
It's starts with a baby step in the right direction. Maybe we should all take just one step today and see where that leads us.
Rated with hugs
It sucks that all we can do at this point is rage.
Great post - I'd rate you multiple time for the title alone!!!
ok ladyfarmer, let's try to bring back the horse and buggy trend! hahaha. You start!
Dearreader, I hope like heck we learn a lesson... but what I really hope is that the earth is still around for my grandbabies one day.
Wow, sounds like you and Steve are close to this mess. I'm so so sorry, Linda. It makes me want to make it a law to use canvas bags or something. They go after weed smokers like rabid dogs but could give a flip about the environment. gah, I miss the beach.
Cap'n, and I was going to ask you to pick me up on that motorcycle and head to the beach... sigh, oh well... we shall rage instead.
blue, that is so sweet of you to say... the title made me lol, too ;)
Jane: thanks. I feel like I'm holding my breath too... they've just cut the pipe.... cross your fingers.
Rated for the title alone. I wish I had something witty or poignant to say but I don't. I can't even watch the news right now this all makes me so freaking sick. The only thing I can hope for is that some good can come out of this and the greedy, all-consuming American public will finally see our collective roles in this mess and do something about weaing ourselves from the black teat of destruction. Start with yourselves, folks (myself included)!!!
Rated for the title alone. I wish I had something witty or poignant to say but I don't. I can't even watch the news right now this all makes me so freaking sick. The only thing I can hope for is that some good can come out of this and the greedy, all-consuming American public will finally see our collective roles in this mess and do something about weaning ourselves from the black teat of destruction. Start with yourselves, folks (myself included)!!!
great points. i don't understand how we can continue building these offshore rigs without some sort of reliable and TESTED fix for what has happened. it's irresponsible. but as Torman pointed out, we're so dependent on oil that we also need to find a cost-efficient replacement that isn't just as bad.
ame_i: I have pictures on the mantle and all over bookshelves of my boys on the very beach that is now facing disaster. I am sick with you... so sad and scared and ready to hit my own car with a sledgehammer just to empty it of that bloody oil.

wandering, just the fact that you are THINKING about all of this puts you above the majority, sadly. Thank you and yes, let us ALL try to do better or... else.

lemonpulp, we are so dependent. It's disgusting that we have allowed this. I wonder if that is why women have been systematically kept from big business. Are our hearts too big? Do we care about safety too much ;)
No sympathy for the devils here. How can they look at the camera with a straight face and say we had no idea? For crying out loud, it is common knowledge that wells blow out, even the ones on dry land.
I'm still not convinced this wasn't only avoidable, but was instead a fullblown act of desperation on somebody's part opposed to Obama's new policy. The ocean floor AND a tanker spill, same time, under same administration? Please! Those dicks in Congress are raking it in, while those fat cats behind them are walking away very satisfied. We should find every one of them and boil them in their own oil--sludge and all!!!!! (grrrow-w-wlllll!!!) If anything can make this poor woman fit to spit, it's someone destroying this planet. ~R++~ for well placed rage. Thank you Amanda--this is a nice place to vent.
Great post! These privileged few who always feel something is owed to them are raping our environment. Kudos on the Sarah Palin, and pumping an old hole analogy! R
"How did you ever get so successful without a tested back-up plan? " Because they looked so good in their fine suits??


Uh, blowjobs??? Yeah!! That's it!! :)

Rated. And Tink Picked.
The chefs in the Armanis never had a plan.
Their oil gushes
into the Mortal Coils frying pan.
They put us on the back burner
We simmered
now we are boiling over
It's all about their main ingredient
the entree on everyone's plate
A recipe for disaster
I can't cap my hate
And my esteem for you rises: " I mean, I wouldn't buy the iBone, but I'd believe it was coming."
Interestingly, as you were writing this, before I read it, I was doing another blog on another site and discussing originality as one of the keys to good blogging. I used the oil spill as an example of a topic that is being written about by thousands of people, and suggested that only the most creative approach will rise to the top. THIS article you've written, in my book, rises to the top!
Like the Wall Street bankers, the oil execs do not have fear. They bought the system that is suppose to regulate them. If for a moment they thought they'd be stripped of their wealth and tossed in prison (or, say, the general populace would go all French Revolution on their asses), BP would've had a fail safe mechanism in place. BP's main focus is its share price.

No one from the Bush/Cheney administration is being investigated for war crimes. No one on Wall Street is being prosecuted for damn near collapsing the economy. Why should the oil barons have any concerns about killing the Gulf?
Bobbot, what is wrong with them? You're a smart man. Make it stopppppp. I don't have enough xanax to go through the president coming on primetime in tears telling us we only have "24 hours" or something. Continental plates are shifting... the core is melting...ahhhhh I will have panic attacks!
Poorwoman, vent on... I put "nothing" past them. Off subject, but when's the next party?
libmom: thank you, thank you.. I kind of enjoyed adding her hole in this piece. Old, cracked up piece of real estate .. she just makes me want to... never mind. I should focus. Thank you, libmom.xoxo
Elisa: you gave me tingles. Truly, madly, deeply... mmmm, oh wait you just meant the article. *clears throat.. why thank you, Elisa.
Tink: Blowjobs... has to be. Tink rated? Why that put a big cheesy grin on my face. see ------> :D
Mr. Fawkes: even in your comments you are an amazing writer.
hahaha, Caroline... you like that one? ;) you would... xoxo
Kit, you have another blog? Show meeeee. I love you. You are so kind and gifted.
You know, Stim... I believe we are governed and owned by dumbasses. War criminals, pedophile priests, a dying planet... bah, give em a pass. Strange latinos and pot smokers? Lock em up!
Brilliant, Amanda. I want to join facebook, it's so good. I love well put rage.
These pricks make assholes every where cringe. I want them in jail, and forget that bullshit about paying off any "legitimate" claims. Liquidate the company of all assets immediately and give the residents suffering from this grand fuck up all the billions they have taken from us. Great post. I am so pissed off, I could chew nails. How come these asswipes always come out of things like this smelly like roses? Make them eat some Gulf shrimp or oysters.
Rated. For feistiness and accurate anatomical description.

My great grandfather said, "stupid men are waging war with their mother. They hollow out her chest (mining) and sink spears deep into her body (drilling), yet they are killing themselves. She will win.
He was Cherokee.
Don't drill, world. Dig what's happening.
In the end, mother nature always wins. Great rant!
That was great, I'm smoking now.

I might add that over population appears to be at the core of Earth's problems.

But hey, sex is fun!
They should have known better, now they should stand up like men and take what's coming to them. Then every penny they have needs to go into developing green everything and restoring what they have destroyed through greed.
Holy shitsky! Dunno how I missed this one first time around, but thanx to Kit and Monkey Sue, I'm here to say, holy shitsky! This does NOT suck! iBone, I declare!