Real Funny Stuff

Mostly true and often funny stories about life.
AUGUST 6, 2009 1:09PM

The Mind of a Teenager Revealed

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Here’s how the teenage mind works.

 

Any plan I want to make should miraculously come to fruition simply because I want what I want when I want it.

 

Anyone who tells me that I can’t have what I want is the cause of why I can’t have it.

 

I can call my mother any name I want to--I can say anything I want about her to my friends in person, on the phone, via text, on Facebook, IM, My Space or any other medium I deem fit.

 

If I get my way I will be the sweetest most complimentary person in the world.  If I don’t get my way, I will scowl, roll my eyes, give the cold shoulder, slam doors, and be verbally abusive.

 

In my world, I am the star and everyone else is a bit player.

 

I get to direct the bit players.

 

I know everything.  My parents know nothing.

 

 

I am invincible.  Therefore I do not need the following:

 

 

  1. sunscreen
  2. healthy food
  3. common sense 

 

 

 

I believe that I control time.  I will tell you that I can make it home from ANYWHERE I want to go when for everyone else in the world, it would be impossible.

 

I think that because I want something to happen that it should.  And it will.

 

Anything bad that happens is absolutely never my fault.

 

I will whip out my phone and text people even if the President of the United States is trying to have a conversation with me.

 

The mall is my playground.  Now give me a credit card.

 

Just because you give me money to buy school clothes does not mean I will do it.

 

If you tell me a movie, a band, a tv show, a magazine, a vacation destination, etc. is great, I’ll tell you a thousand reasons why it’s lame.  If one of my friends says any of those things is great, I’ll agree wholeheartedly.

 

Whatever you ask me to go do I’ll shoot down unless I can bring a friend.  This includes family vacations.

 

If I do lower myself to do something with you I will text my friends how bored I am and how I only went with you so you’d A) pay, B) get off my back, C) maybe let me have my way about something else later.

 

I will complain about having to spend time with extended family.  Grandparents are even lamer than parents.

 

I will spend hours reading trashy novels, but will complain about the two books I have to read for school over the summer.

 

I will make as many friends as possible who live absolutely nowhere near me so that I can then force my parents to have to drive me back and forth whenever I want.

 

No matter how much my parents do for me, it won’t be enough.  The second they say “no”, all memory of any “yeses” I received previously is out the window.

 

 

 

Here's how the mother of the teenager's mind is working nowadays:


God grant me the strength to get through the next three years.  I’m going to need it.

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Omigosh! Great minds think alike! I just posted a study on the 21 century teenager.
Got valium?
My daughter is 9. This is what I have to look forward to?
I do have some valium come to think of it. It's left over from a muscle injury. I didn't take it for that, I hope not to need it for this. Wine, however... LOL I can totally see why some women drink in the afternoons. It'd start earlier, but teenagers don't get up until then.
Yes, Sweetfeet, yes. I'm sorry to break it to you, but yes.
And here I am complaining about getting older in my blog...you have my sympathy. I'll happily be on my way further from teenage angst towards senility, lol. Thanks to both of you for reminding me how good I have it!
well written. now what do you do with adults who share some of those symptoms?
snicker!!
seriously though its an interesting psychological study. esp in lack of empathy. sounds like a budding psychopath to tell you the truth. ok, ok, thats harsh, but its amazing the correlation. Ive been looking up psychopathy symptoms recently. have a blog on it. after I read an interesting article by chris hedges re:MJ death that argued the overall culture is taking on the symptoms of psychopathy.
I don't think she's a budding psychopath. Just your normal, run of the mill teenager. I usually can put myself in her shoes, remember what it was like to be a teenager. It wasn't THAT long ago (yeah, right). But this has been a particularly challenging week. Anyone with a teenager knows exactly what that means. :)
Just a few more years... God grant met strength... and if you can throw in a few painpills.... LOL....Breathe in, breathe out.... Girl, I so hear you on this! What's really funny, is I know quite a few adults like this!!! Pain pills for everyone!
We should start a support group! I think your daughter must be one year ahead of mine. One add: mine will be in the grumpiest imaginable mood, just one centimeter under the line where I'm grounding her for tone of voice alone, then a friend will call and she'll chirp, "Oh HEY! How are you! What's up!" Storm clouds for mom, sunshine for friends.
God help me, once again, I'M SO GLAD I NEVER HAD KIDS.
Oh man. Can't wait for this! Let's see... eleven years left to go and counting. Maybe by then there will be some magic potion I can feed my boys that will make all these laws of teen-hood reverse themselves ;)
Can I just pop back in here for just a second to say, "AAAAAUUUUUGHHHHH!"

Sorry. Just finished a conversation with daughter about why she can't have friends over to spend the night while no adults are going to be home. She just stormed out crying. Yowza. Hope they're serving margaritas at our school board meeting tonight. (A girl can dream...)
Misery loves company--sorry to all of you who are my company, but thanks for for coming by to let me know I'm not alone. I love my daughter--fiercely--she is actually a really great kid. But she (like all teens I'm learning) has her moments. Today I laid down the law and things seem to have improved. I have my moments as well. :)
This should be plastered on the forehead of every girl who "thinks" she wants to get married and have babies the first time she falls in love with a boy. Excellent.
Great suff. It's always best to remember to keep your cool. I'd dare so most everyone here acted the same way when they were the age of Susan's daughter. We were all kids once too!!
I don't remember this happening when I was growing up with either of my sisters or my brother, all are younger.

I think that the 'modern media' encourages these displays through those 'reality' shows and the constantly pouting and ridiculous kids.

Our kids are learning from ALL of that drek and the video games and movies too. Which brings me to that new movie about everyone dying. That really makes me wonder what the creators of it are seeking from the teenage viewers of it.

Are they and society at large programming our children to be callous towards death and mayhem? Is that really what America needs right now? Are they trying to stir the pot?

That, the effect of the programming (video games, teevee, movies) really has me concerned lately.
Gonzoid--I agree, there is much to be concerned about with the media, video games, internet, etc. I do remember well though having a rough patch with my mom when I was a teen. I think it's pretty common and not entirely new, although, it may be more blatent nowadays. Something to do with their subconscious efforts to separate from their parents, show their independence, etc. I get it, but I wish it didn't sting so much!