We brought no foster children into our home. We adopted no kids. So we had no big party. I still have not put away the party dress from last year’s adoption celebration, held one year ago tonight. The gown is still hanging over the back of the bedroom door. Guess it’s… Read full post »

Following is an email from my father, proving that one can never fully know one’s spouse. Also that my Dad is hilarious. He and my mother have been married for 51 years.

> From: Dad
> To: Jennifer
> Subject: weird Mom (Tutu)
> cc: Mom

> After all these years, I have found… Read full post »

The Man I Married suggested that we open the expensive bottle of vintner’s reserve red that he had bought as part of my compensation package for the three 55-gallon drums that he also purchased that day. (We had both forgotten to drink the special wine on our anniversary.) He made the… Read full post »

A few months back, the Man I Married and I had an argument.

After 25 years together, this wasn’t unusual. Our disagreements at one time could last a few days. That was when we had the luxury of putting our own emotions and needs first, before the Little Monster joined our… Read full post »

After learning that my son, the Little Monster, had never heard of My Country ‘Tis of Thee, I realized he’d also never heard, much less memorized, the Pledge of Allegiance, which isn’t recited in the classroom in our neck of the woods. Going into the fifth grade, he’d never me… Read full post »

Just after publishing my essay in the spring, 2012 issue, Brain, Child: The Magazine for Thinking Mothers announced that it was folding. Aw, now I’d gone and done it. See, I have this curse. No matter what I order at a restaurant, they’re out of that item. Ask the Man I Married;… Read full post »

The Little Monster loves to express himself with his socks. He wears socks with colorful designs and often wears mismatched socks, for twice the expression. He wears socks decorated with lizards, frogs, peace signs, stars, snowmen, and Chihuahuas. His rock climbing coach Liz also loves fun socks, and… Read full post »

The Man I Married taps his toothbrush three items on the edge of the sink when he’s done brushing his teeth.

So does my son, the Little Monster.

Score one for nurture.

The Man I Married often repeats things, especially punchlines, three times. So did his grandmother.

The Little Monster? I… Read full post »

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom author Amy Chua gets a lot of flak for the long hours of musical practice she forced on her two daughters, which enabled them to debut at Carnegie Hall at a young age.

What rarely gets mentioned is that she was at her daughters’ sides… Read full post »

In a strange twist of synchronicity, I started working on a short piece about Frankenstein’s monster a month ago; the next morning my face began to erupt in shingles, a mess of painful blisters and scabs. At first I had no idea what was going on and blamed spiders at the… Read full post »

Why I Like Frankenstein:

Because after two centuries folks still get his name wrong. Victor Frankenstein’s monster never had a name, though he is often ignorantly called by the name of the man who created him. He’s making his way through a post 9/11 world with no birth certificate or soci… Read full post »

I have three goals in life, but they are all negatively phrased. They are things I want to get through life without doing.

Lately I’ve added a fourth goal, which is to remember my three goals. On a recent visit, my dad found my three negative life goals intriguing. He phoned… Read full post »

This is the first Mother’s Day card that my son made for me on my first Mother’s Day as a mother, a day that I had long awaited with rose-colored glasses:

The card accurately sums up his confusion and the resultant catastrophic day that we had. A rabid squirrel on… Read full post »

Read Parts I & II          Read Part III                Read Part IV

Conclusion: GUILTY!

Time was running out. I had not checked in on the Little Monster at the birthday party l… Read full post »

Read Parts I & II          Read Part III

IV. Dump and Spritz

To while away the time downtown while the Little Monster was at the birthday party at the video game arcade, I could buy a cheap book at Barnes & Noble and relax with an eggnog latte. But… Read full post »

[continued from last week]

III. The Dump and Hesitation

I’d heard that places like Chuck E. Cheese’s were very careful about policing the premises, not allowing adults without kids to be there. I assumed a video game arcade, where I was taking the Little Monster for a birthday party,… Read full post »

I. The Invitation

The Little Monster was invited to a birthday party, which was lovely; he’s been invited to very few. Although the parties are great for him as he experiences what it’s like to be a kid like any other, I dread them, because the Man I Married and I… Read full post »

When you adopt an older child, you not only get the child himself, but you inherit the language of the families he’s lived with prior to yours. Thus, the Little Monster entered our home three years ago with not only a startling storehouse of profanity but with an altogether unfamiliar lexicon.… Read full post »

Part II of the Telly Kibosh Chronicles (read Part I here)

In 1966, my mother broke down and bought an electronic babysitter. And who can blame her? She was 25 years old, had three kids—age 2, 3, and 4—and was going to graduate school while my dad worked swing shift at… Read full post »

Part I

When the Little Monster moved in 3.5 years ago at age six, we got rid of the television.

Not really. I hide an old, boxy, thirteen-inch in the closet for my American Idol addiction. Shh. Don’t tell LM. He sometimes suspects, though, like the other night when he stood… Read full post »

I don’t think that the Man I Married and I are the only folks in long-term relationships who often misinterpret what the other one is saying. We have 25 years of conversations and assumptions running beneath whatever we’re saying, rather like the current that continues to trickle along th… Read full post »

Standing in the shower awhile back, I reached for my soap. I had recently unwrapped a new bar and put it in my special soap holder, the one that’s tucked up and away behind some shampoo bottles, so hopefully the Man I Married won’t grab it. As we age, we have… Read full post »

The Man I Married decades ago decided that our stackable washer-dryer doors were hung the wrong way.

Rather, he decided the dryer door was hung the wrong way. So he switched the dryer door to open to the right. He was very proud not only of his sudden observation that the… Read full post »

In honor of Valentine’s Day this month, I continue to reflect on 25 Years of Wedded Bliss and Blisters

I’ve always worn the pants in our family, but lately I’ve taken the pants thing to a whole new level. I am, quite literally, wearing the Man I Married’s pants.

When I… Read full post »

In honor of Valentine’s Day this month, I continue to reflect on 25 Years of Wedded Bliss and Blisters

It’s a wonder that the Man I Married and I not only wound up together but stayed together, since from the beginning it seemed that we didn’t have much in common, especially… Read full post »