This morning I met with a professional, certified Nutritionist Educator or whatever her title is (Are there any male Nutritionists?).  The visit was prompted by the following conversation between my internist and me.

Internist:  Look at that fat gut.

Me:  I know.

Internist:  It's… Read full post »

Below is a verbatim e-mail exchange among my friends J and K and myself regarding the Pultizer Fiction Committee not awarding a prize this year.  Don't expect a profound discussion or conclusion.  Actually, if you can explain to me why I posted this, please do so.  Oh, and as a reminde… Read full post »

Product:  Kanfields Cream Soda.  Cast:  George ("G"), Martha ("M").  Scene:  their kitchen.

(sound of refrigerator door opening)

G (a bit whiny): Martha, there's nothing in the fridge to drink but cream soda.

M: It's Kanfields Cream Soda.  Try one.

G: But I hate cream so… Read full post »

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We've all been asked the question, "What would you do with $1 million?"  Sounds rather quaint now, doesn't it?

As everyone in 42 states, plus the District of Columbia and the U.S. Virgin Islands knows (and probably everyone in the other eight loser states), Friday's Mega Millions drawing will be… Read full post »

Dear Leadership of the Opposition Party/Resentful Populace/Oppressed Minority/Disaffected Fringe Group/Inner Circle Power Seeker,

 We're Et Tu, Too and we hear your rage against the ruthless dictator, [insert name].  For too long [insert same name] has savaged your people, crushed your drea… Read full post »

Today I joined Salon Core.  I can't say it was because Joan Walsh convinced me that joining Core would piss off Rush Limbaugh, but if my Core membership causes Rush intestinal distress, well that's worth my $45 by itself.

I also grabbed a gift year's subscription to The Atlantic (free, free,… Read full post »

The story began about a week ago when Ms. Stim's sbcglobal email account, which she accesses through Yahoo, was hacked.  Spam was sent to her contacts.  All the men and half the women got their penises enlarged.  Or something.  Shortly after Ms. Stim began having problems accessin… Read full post »

To All the People Who Bring Their Kids to Costco on the Weekend:

Leave your noisy, little, walking obstacles at home.  You think they're behaving perfectly?  Bullshit.  If little Suzie wanders two feet from you, she's in someone's way.  Just having kids with you is a nui… Read full post »

Wrapping up last night's ABC News's World News Tonight (or whatever they call Diane Sawyer's show), a middle-aged reporter inteviewed a middle-aged author and a middle-aged doctor to tell us that our brains peak during middle-age.  More specifically, memory peaks at 45.  Vocabulary peaks be… Read full post »

Hello, dear reader.  I attempted to buy a desktop from HP.  Things did not go well.  Below is a copy of the email I sent through HP's website that goes to CEO Meg Whitman.  As if anyone believes Meg will ever read it.

Dear Ms. Whitman,

I am writing in… Read full post »

For those who took a quick glance, yes, today is my birthday.  Thanks for the good wishes.

Here are a few more who came into the world on the 9th of January.  Since I'm writing this from work, sorry, no photos.

Lady "Jennie" Jerome Churchill (b. 1854) - Mother of Winston… Read full post »

To see 2013.

 

Happy New Year. Read full post »

Seriously, all I want for the New Year is to find the toaster.  Either or both of our printers would be a bonus.

Ms. Stim and I moved the Tuesday before Christmas a whole half-mile east  of our previous local.  The key difference being that we left an older apartment we'd… Read full post »

"... oh, what a laugh it would have been, if Daddy had only seen Mommy kissing Santa Claus last night."

Lubbock TX --  Santa Claus was shot dead by a jealous husband late Saturday night in a double murder.  William Joseph Courouge, 38, has been charged by police with the murder… Read full post »

CHICAGO, IL -- Mr. Santa Clause of an unincorporated northern address was arrested Thursday night on charges of solicitation of prostitution.  The police report states that Mr. Clause was driving "an unusual animal-powered vehicle" in a well-known red light district.  Witnesses report that… Read full post »

In the spirit of  "If you haven't seen it, it's new to you," this is a repost of  an early "effort" of mine from 2008.  Three kind people gave it the monkey thumb.  No one left a comment.

 

Please stop sending little Christmas cookies to the office.  Please.  Y… Read full post »

Dear Holiday Message Recipient,

Another year has come and nearly gone.  We at the Stim household hope this message finds you and yours well.

As with every year, 2011 has been an eventful time for our family.

Our three kitties each became the face of a major brand of cat food,… Read full post »

In the news:

Dog takes revenge on hunter for making the dog jump into cold water to retrieve dead ducks.  Dog also had complained numerous times of chipping his teeth on shotgun pellets lodged in said dead ducks.  Expect the NRA to issue a statement defending the dog's Second Amendment righ… Read full post »

You gotta be kidding.

One Personal, Sweeping Thought:  I think I'm kinda depressed, which likely explains the crap to come below.  Usually I have a healthy pessimistic outlook:  Expect the worst and you'll never be disappointed.

I suppose the title should properly read "The State of Stim."  I simp… Read full post »

How could I know?  They seemed so innocent.

We live on the third floor, the top floor.  The front door to our six-flat building is locked.  The kids, the trick-or-treaters, never ring our buzzer.  We don't bother buying candy.

At dusk the buzzer rang.  The cats sprung of… Read full post »

[This post was inspired by Jonathan Wolfman's post Jesus H Christ -- H? -- Where'd That Come From If you haven't read Jonathan's post, please read and rate it.  If you have read it, it's worth a repeat reading.]

 

Hank.  Jesus Hank Christ.

"Jesus" was a very popular name back in… Read full post »

These past two Chicago mornings I woke to grey skies, intermittent rain and local high wind warnings with possible gusts of 60 mph.  Facing such conditions I'm sure our long-gone ancestors would make the decision to stay in their caves, toss more wood on the fire, gnaw on some mastodon leftovers… Read full post »

In response to Whoreville Redendcocker's Open Call to list the 20 people you would cram around a card table in your studio apartment in order for all of them, and you, to dine on take-out Chinese ---

The Guest List

Oscar Wilde

Mark Twain

18 mutes.

I want to listen to Wilde and Twa… Read full post »

As I walked to the bus this morning for my ride to the Loop and another work week, these lyrics from Pink Floyd's "Time" were going through my head:

"And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking.  Racing around to come up behind you… Read full post »