Steve Blevins

Steve Blevins
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA
November 05
Steve Blevins teaches medicine at the University of Oklahoma. He enjoys reading, music, and travel. He is interested in American and European history, French literature and culture, and music for piano and chamber ensemble.


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DECEMBER 28, 2009 8:45AM

Open Salon: Top 8 Kvetchers of 2009

Rate: 93 Flag


Question: What do you like most about OS?  

No need to answer. I know what you're going to say:  The great writing. The spirit of community. Making new friends. 


You're here for the same reason I'm here: the bitching. No, I don't mean minor, petty bitching. I mean rich, eloquent, sophisticated bitching. You know, the kind you can't get at home.  

Think about it: What was your favorite moment at OS? Was it that beautiful poem that touched your heart? Was it the political essay that changed your thinking? Was it a recipe? 


It was the Wimmen Pirate Rebellion. It was the Great Puddin' Rasslin' Match of '09. It was the Ramesh Incident


Because each of these events involved conflict.  The Pirate Rebellion put men against women. The Great Rasslin' Match put Cindy Ross against O'Really. The Ramesh Incident put the entire OS community against some Indian guy.

Was it civilized? No. Was it inspiring? No. Was it fun? Hell, yes! 


While artificial conflicts (like the ones cited above) are enjoyable, real conflicts are essential. They alert us to our surroundings and summon us to action. They create the inertia that yanks us from our complacency.  They advance the world.

So let's end this insufferable habit of celebrating writers and artists, and  celebrate the real heroes of OS: the people who create conflict -- those who raise their fists with their voices, who stir up trouble and revel in it, who won't let the sun set without having the final word: the strident, the forceful, the indomitable -- the kvetchers. 

Here is my list of top 8 kvetchers of 2009. If you don't like my choices, glaze a donut and post it on Tuesday.    



Floyd Elliot

Look up "scoundrel" in Wikipedia and you'll find Floyd. Floyd's blog is an endless tantrum -- a superbly written, devilishly clever, grammatically flawless, stunningly inventive, jaw-droppingly brilliant tantrum. Floyd bitches about everything from bad grammar to the GOP. If you haven't been vilified by him, you're either an amoeba or one of his daughters. That he hasn't been nabbed by the Chicago police is a wonder. 




O'Really? slithered into OS last June and she's been bitching about men ever since. The only thing that keeps her from strangling John Blumenthal is post-coital fatigue.  Don't mistake her for a misandrist; she loves men -- intelligent, loving, handsome, sophisticated, debonair, (i.e. imaginary) men. Her affair with Mr. Wonderful would make you puke if she weren't so talented at describing it. I hope Blumenthal has his camera when she implodes. 


John Blumenthal

John's been bitching about Hollywood ever since he stumbled into OS last August. His previous job? Writing for Playboy. But don't hold it against him: He kvetches even without porn. Midwesterners, beware. John's marvelously witty prose is a vehicle of discovery. In a series of delicately crafted exposés, he reveals that (you should sit down for this) Hollywood sucks! Gee, thanks, John. I guess I'll have to go to Paris to see the Mona Lisa.     


Sally Swift

Don't get me started. Sally's been at OS since Noah. If you're afraid she's going to attack you, don't worry: You're not important enough. Sally saves her ammunition for presidents and popes. You want to debate her? Go ahead. She had Jimmy Carter for breakfast; she'll have you for lunch. I'm not saying she's mean; she's one of the loveliest people at OS. Just don't get on her bad side unless you want to see your bloodied face on her blog with an EP dangling from it.


Lea Lane

Lea never bitches. I've included her because she's smart and pretty. Hi, Lea! Hope you're having a nice vacation! Travel safely! 



Sheldon is the most bizarre fantasy/nightmare here at OS. If you think he won't trample on you, check out the archives. He befriends chainsaw-wielding monkeys and dreams of punching Robert Frost in the face. His less endearing traits border on the psychotic. When his barbed wit isn't dipped in pickle juice, it's applying aloe vera to his toes. That's right: his toes. Handle with care. Sheldon is best consumed with aspirin and a heating pad.


1 Irritated Mother

1IMom is a woman of sundry moods. She'll make you pancakes for breakfast, then crack your nuts with the frying pan. Don't believe me? Check out her diatribe against Michelle Bernard. Who's Michelle Bernard? It doesn't matter anymore: Madré had her incinerated. And don't look for the evidence: It's been sprinkled into her chocolate soufflé. Enjoy Madré's lush poetry and exquisite humor, but don't get on her dark side unless you want to be a condiment in her next creation.  




Shaggylocks is an expert on Coronet Films, instructional films from the '50s that teach teenagers about dating, courtesy, and citizenship. In fact, he's the world's only expert. Why? Because no one else gives a shit. Shags has been bitching about the '50s since I got here. Earth to Shags: the 50s are over. Life's now in technicolor! It's time to join Pedro, my gardener, and come out of the shadows. Shags is one of the funniest people at OS. He'll make you laugh 'til your sides hurt. But be gentle with him. Rapid movements cause vertigo for which there is no instructional video.     

Okay, that's my list. If you're on it and want off, stop bitching. If you're off and want on, start bitching. And if you have plans for some major bitching in 2010, send me a PM, because I sooooo want to be part of it!

Happy New Year!

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You are something else. Who could bitch about you?
You are the best. I read your stuff out loud, to myself, because it's so damn funny.

Happy last Monday of the year, Steve.
Love your take on OS - how fresh, and I had the best Saturday night with Ramesh!!
This could be the best summary of OS in 2009 that I have read yet! (Al though, I have could of rabble rousers I would like to add to your list- to make it an even ten. )

Thanks, Steve!
There is plenty to bitch about. Thanks for this!
Ooooooh...must read up on all these kvetchers!

I actually spewed coffee at the line, "Sally has been at OS since Noah." You are the best prescription for whatever ails me and I love not only your humor and your intelligence, but the way you take things to an entirely different level. Genius comes to mind... xoxo
You forgot to include Mishima666.

Always whining and caterwauling that he's not getting his much-deserved props from the OS editors and community members, and screeching about how openly gay OS community members are getting over on him, certainly earns him a place on the list.
Awesome. Just awesome. That's exactly why we love you. That, and the tomato threat.
As usual....this is a fun piece and oh so clever....and I'm not going to bitch that I'm not on the list! (although it would be nice to be on someone's list!)
i'm a fan of any list that has floyd on it, especially as #1, particularly because of his anti-list rant this morning. perfect timing, steve.
Very funny. And one more testament that nice gals never get anywhere - not that they care. It's a dogy-dog and bitchy-bitch world out there. I like reading the posters you picked, but didn't know about Sheldon. And you - if it weren't for your tomato threat!
Thanks for this. Rated.
Brilliant, as always.
Wonder what kind of throw-downs 2010 will bring?
See you there!
I agree with all your choices and am amazed you limited yourself to eight. But hey, it's your list. And eight is a good number; I've grown weary of 10.
Steve Blevins, you are a *bitch.* And I mean that in the most respectful way.
...this is bitchin'!
"Grammatically flawless." I...I never knew you felt that way, Steve.

Also, I seem to have a strong impulse to drool and mutter, "Not mother?"

A minor quibble, though: I have vilified both my daughters (seriously, who can't fucking remember to put the butter away? I think they might have been conceived during a nuclear accident) and amoebas (creepy little protozoa: stay in one shape, you amorphous little bastards!).

Thank you, Dr. B. You are a mensch. Possibly a mensch and a half, but only if you grafted parts of other mensches onto yourself.
What my supreme bitching wasn't good enough? Okay, game on. I'm gonna make somebody cry this year and you damn well better notice. All the bitchers listed are amateurs. Well, except for Mother and Sally. You are so damn funny which in itself pisses me off.
My bitching has been neutered without lidocaine. Happy New Year, Steve
You're right, Steve, I'm a kvetch. Should I kvetch about your post? ? No, I'm too nice of a kvetch, and I like your writing too much. So there. I'll be a good boy from now on. (not.)
R (Anything with me in it gets an R.)
And this is why I never see you in those kvetching just isn't you, Mr. Nice Guy. (Oh wait - I seem to remember some post where you were kvetching about being called Nice and not Sexy, or some such hoodlebang. OK, then, I'll start over......You're too nice, Mr. Sexy Guy.) :-)
Added to my "Where I'd Time Travel To" list this year is going to the Elliot household to watch the teenage, verbal sparring between Floyd and O'Really.
yes indeed, Jane - you should be on this list! I suggest a flaming post about it - but keep it in reserve until just before list time next year.
Will the real Ramesh please stand up? (Or sit down, preferably in the lotus position...)
So funny. Since I was absent for most of '09, I've got to catch up on my bitchin'. Thanks for links that will get me started. . . .
Steve, there's no question who wrote the funniest posts this year. Thank you for this and many other laughs in a grim time.
Steve, this was incredibly funny and oh so true! I should be bitching more. What's wrong with me? Don't answer that. Or go ahead.
Dude, you got the long knives out! I'm both scared and impressed! I don't think I would want to meet you down that dark, literary alley and you might gut me like a dead cow. I mean, after all, you are a doctor and you know how to use those things.

Have a wonderful New Year, big guy!!

Gee, you'd've thought I'd at least be ON this list, if not at the top. My entire blog is one big giant "life sucks, society sucks!" bitch fest

But, I guess you folks just don't know a good kvetcher when you see one :-D (JUST KIDDING FOLKS)
So, what am I, Steve? Chopped liver?

I've been called a nit-picker, bitcher, complainer, whiner and cry-baby all of my life by someone somewhere.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told to "Pick your battles, BR! Pick your battles!" What more do I have to say to prove my worthiness? Post a CV?

Your mind tickles mine with more than a snicker. That alone should get me on a list. Really.


This is marvelous. I'm too nice to be on the list, but you have reached my inner kvetch.
That first photo was just damned perfect. So is it true that is one of your early childhood kvetches caught on camera?

I have GOT to start coming over more often.
You're right I come for the bitchin'! R
My turn to bitch and kvetch -- I posted a comment on this post and it disappeared. Somewhere there is a virtual demon that hates me!!
Oh I could bitch with the best of them, even though I fear retalilliation, then I have to get bitting mad and you don't want that.
You are completely wrong.
JK Brady is right. The Great battle with those fluffy, squeezable Canadians was the first true fake kvetch fest of 2009. Nanetahay led us all to freedom and got them off of our Floridian beaches.

Otherwise, you did the best job with your choices.
Okay Steve, you finally made me like a list. No shit. Probably because it didn't feel like a list. It is just truth.

You rock my friend - and then some. Although, I think a self-portrait may have been missing from the roster?
Personally I thought Ramesh was an interesting entity, whatever or whomever it was. Rated.
OS has better bitchy grammar than anywhere else on the web!
Well. Wait. Me, a bitch? Me? Look at that sweet innocent little face up there ... WTF? And, uh, about that Noah reference, are you saying I'm OLD? Are you, baby-face??

So. A feisty, post-cougar bitch with a taste for blood. Hmm. I like it. And all this time I thought I was a pussycat.
Great list, and funny too. But I swear, this is the last list I'm reading this year.
How about a list of the top ten, certifiably probably insane bat shit crazy OS posters?

I know I've got a few that immediately come to mind...
You always have me in stitches...which I suppose is not all tht difficult for a doctor...great post doc!
"If you don't like my choices, glaze a donut and post it on Tuesday"
You son-of-a-bitch
Now I can bitch about how I didn't get on your list, jeez. NOW look what you've done! You've upped the ante on bitchiness!!

I really like your explanation of how we want/need conflict. I think a lot of families would be happier if they learned how to fight fair.
Anybody who has WUS talking to herself is OK by me! She's far too nice and civilized most of the time. {{{{R!}}}}
This is bitching.
Best list ever!!!! WOOO!! Rated because well, I'm not on it!! TEeheehee!!

*wanders off*
Oh ROCK ON! This is HOT! Nothing like a good bitch-fest!
Dr. Steve ~ "kvetcher" is the nicest thing anyone has called me in 2009. In fact, if I were to do a top ten list of names I've been called this year, YOURS would be number 1!!! (and yes, my sweet love, that comes with a complimentary hand gesture). xoxo
This is one fantastic read. I love all those people, but you're right--they're nothing but trouble.
"Steve Blevins, You called me some Indian guy. I understand your disdainful, contemptible point of view of non white"

Ramesh, allow me, an unbiased non-Earthling, whom you have known here for some time, to interpret the signs you mentioned.

In his real life Blevins is a very decent fellow who would never think bad of non-white people. And believe me, as a green creature I am very sensitive to it, so I ought to know. (I also have a state of the art mind-reading apparatus in my flying saucer…)

But here, at this OS, Blevins chose to be a satirist and comedian, who use extremely disrespectful language to entertain the masses. In the good (bad) old times they were court jesters, the only humans on earth who could call a king stupid idiot, and get away with it.

If you read back Blevin's older posts (for instance the one about Las Vegas) you will see how irreverent he is: he presents nice ladies and gentlemen as whores and drunkards. Or worse.

So, in a way, he treated you exactly equally to others: irreverently.

I would love to trade places with you, so that Blevins would treat me irreverently. But he doesn't care about me :-(((
This is just classic Steve. Hysterical and classic...the perfect Steve Blevins style.
You are so right. I've bitched up a storm this last year. And I feel cleansed because of it. Holy. Dare I say saintly? I dare. I dare.

And Blevins, you're a bitchin' genius.
Thankfully you put me on top of blu. Someone needs to keep him in his place. You are a riot. Blu, not so much.
The Chicago police don't 'nab,' dude. They're in it for the money. Otherwise, a fine and divisive list. Hope it starts a round of first-class bitching.
I'll take kvetchers like these any day!
Thanks for making me the meat in a Lea-1IMa sandwich. For the record, the only reason I was putting aloe vera on my toes was because Blevins refused to let me put it on his toes.

I love you Steve Blevins. You should be on every best of list because you are lightness and sweet and I always, ALWAYS feel good after I've read your blogs or your comments. You're a joy!

Happy New Year!
I found my way to your blog only recently. My loss. Mere mortals might be a tad intimidated to take on this bunch, but you nailed it. Wonderful.
OH GOD! A Bitchy Sooner.

Boomer Sooner, doc
a big YAY for a list with some SANITY!
Super list. Quite enjoyed it!
Damn fine list and a damn fine blog it rest in also. Pardon me but this is my first visit to your blog and I really like what I read. I will be coming back by often I think.
You couldn't have chosen better!
it is my distinct honor to knock you up to 90 comments.

this is great. so funny. And I had no idea. I have to get out more. I'm all wrapped up in my angst and memories and can't-we-all-just-love-each-other and I am missing all the fun/

You are right about Floyd and O'Really and Lea. The rest I gotta catch up on. I read them but apparently not nearly enough.

Oh, why can't we all just get aloooooong? sniff
Aw man, I go on a brief educational hiatus and I make your list of Top Kvetchers!?! This is great. Geez, I've got a TON of catching up to do...