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Steve Blevins

Steve Blevins
Location
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA
Birthday
November 05
Bio
Steve Blevins teaches medicine at the University of Oklahoma. He enjoys reading, music, and travel. He is interested in American and European history, French literature and culture, and music for piano and chamber ensemble.

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Editor’s Pick
MAY 8, 2009 9:00AM

Mom Feels Great, but I'm Planning Her Funeral Anyway

Rate: 150 Flag

  

I love my Mom. She’s 70-years old, and she’s the best mother in the world. When I was growing up, she fed me well, took care of me when I was sick, and paid for fourteen years of piano lessons. 

 

Three years ago, when my father died, I started to think about her future. She was afraid to live by herself, and I knew she wouldn’t be happy in assisted living.  So I asked her to move in with me -- and she liked the idea. She sold her house in Texas and came to Oklahoma. Pretty soon she was feeling right at home.

 

That was three years ago. Since then I’ve learned that living with Mom has its advantage and disadvantage. The advantage is that she is my Mom and she loves me very much. The disadvantage is that

 

 

    

SHE  IS  STARK  RAVING  MAD!!!!!

 

 

   

“Mad” is an old-fashioned term. Nowadays, people prefer precise terminology. So here's the exact diagnosis: imperious, angry control-freak with a god-complex. Mom has the imperiousness of Marie Antoinette, the ruthlessless of Madame DeFarge, the abrasiveness of Leona Helmsley and, on extremely rare occasions, the kindness of Mother Theresa.

 

 

Theresa

 

  

Since Mom moved in with me, Mother Theresa has not made an appearance.    

 

Now, I know what you’re thinking:  Steve is exaggerating. 

 

No, I'm not.  Here are some examples. When we eat out, Mom worries that I won’t eat my veggies, so even in the finest restaurant, she reaches across the table, grabs my dinner roll, and keeps it in her purse until I’ve eaten my peas. (Did I mention that I’m forty years old?)

 

Here’s another example. Mom used to work for Neiman-Marcus. She loves nice clothes. Neiman-Marcus doesn’t have a store in Oklahoma, so I take her to Dillard’s.  And every time we go, it's the same story: She goes to the dress department, looks at the outfits and yells: “Who wears this crap? This merchandise is junk! This store is for hookers!”

 

 

Dillards 

 

She's done this so many times that, nowadays, when we walk into Dillard's, people flee to J C Penney.

 

But what really bugs me is that she complains from sunrise to sunset. It drives me nuts. I’ve confronted her about this, but she refuses to change.

 

So to preserve my sanity, I had to come up with a plan. And I did. I decided to do what any mature adult would do in my situation: create an imaginary world. All I had to do was to imagine a beautiful place every time Mom complained. 

 

I tested my plan the next day. When I got home from work, Mom complained that the thermostat was set too low, so I closed my eyes and pictured the Pacific coast.

 

 

Pacific 

 

 

I felt better.

 

Later that evening, Mom complained that there wasn’t enough food in the fridge, so I closed my eyes and pictured the Swiss Alps.

 

 

Alps 

 

 

Again I felt better.

 

Before going to bed, Mom complained that the house was dirty and the yard was a mess. I closed my eyes and pictured the cliffs of Dover.

 

 

Dover 

 

 

Then for no reason, I pictured myself pushing Mom off the cliffs of Dover into the sea below.

 

The plan wasn't working. I needed another plan. 

 

And it came to me quickly:  Instead of imagining a beautiful place, I would imagine Mom’s funeral.

 

Now, before you accuse me of being cruel and heartless, you must understand something: My Mom does not fear death. In fact, she talks about her funeral every freakin’ day.  Needless to say, she’s already planned the whole thing. She wants a beautiful Catholic Mass, hundreds of white roses, and a magnificent string quartet. (I'm sure she wants more, but she likes to reveal her plan in stages).

 

When Mom asked me to take her to Dillard’s the next day, I knew this was the perfect time to test my plan. As soon as we arrived, we went to the dress department, people fled, and Mom began trying on clothes.

 

After 1 ½ hours, she was still trying on clothes. I was tired and impatient, so I closed my eyes and imagined Mom’s funeral arrangement: a dozen carnations in a Baptist church with a bad organist.  

 

 

Baptist  

 

 

I felt better.

 

At 2 hours, she was still trying on clothes. I was furious. I closed my eyes and imagined... six daisies in a Nazarene church with no music.

 

 

Nazarene 

 

 

Again I felt better.

 

At 2 ½ hours, she had not finished shopping, so I closed my eyes and imagined... one daffodil with a Jehovah’s Witness in the front yard.

 

 

Jehovah1  

 

 

I felt great. But she was still shopping at 3 hours!

 

I closed my eyes ……….. and drew a blank. There was nothing worse than a Jehovah’s Witness funeral.

 

I was down to my last option: sending Mom to assisted living. I couldn't live with her anymore. I knew it would break her heart, but it had to be done. I decided to tell her that night.

 

When night came, I entered Mom’s bedroom.

 

“Mom, we have to talk,” I said.

 

“I’m tired,” she responded. “Here, take this.”  She threw a small sack at me and pulled the covers over her head.

 

I opened the sack and looked inside. There I found an extremely rare recording of Sofronitsky playing Scriabin. For three years, I had searched for that CD. It was a collector’s item -- and it was impossible to find!    

 

I was speechless.

 

“Mom!” I exclaimed, “How did you know about this CD?”

 

“You mentioned it a few years ago,” she said from under the covers.

 

“You still remember?” I asked.

 

“Of course I remember.  I’m your mother.”

 

“How did you find it?” I asked.

 

“On the computer,” she replied.

 

 “But you don’t use computers,” I argued.

 

“Mildred does,” she said.

 

“Mildred?” I asked. “She doesn’t have a computer.”

 

“I know. I let her use yours.”

 

“Mine!” I exclaimed. “When did she use my computer?”

 

“When we were at Dillard’s. I thought Mildred would never call and give me the signal to leave that god-forsaken store.”

 

I was stunned.

 

“What!” I exclaimed. “You mean the episode at Dillard’s was a ploy to buy me this CD?”

 

“Well, you didn't think I was going to buy their crappy clothes, did you?” 

 

I stood in silent awe for what seemed an eternity.

 

Then softly I said, “Thanks, Mom,” but she was already asleep.

 

I went to my room, sat on the bed, and stared at the CD.  I thought about all that Mom had done for me over forty years. I thought about her love, her patience, her devotion, and her sacrifice. 

 

Then, I closed my eyes and imagined...  

 

 

 

100,000 roses

the Cathedral of Notre Dame 

and

the Vienna Philharmonic

 

ND  

 

Nothing but the best for my Mom!

    

 

Author tags:

comedy, funeral, mother, mother's day

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Moms are full of surprises, aren't they?
I wish you wouldn't sugarcoat your feelings, Steve. Just tellit like it is. Don't rent any 1950s movies with Richard Widmark as the villain, it'll give you ideas.
Marvelous. I like this very much.

“Who wears this crap? This merchandise is junk! This store is for hookers!”

I think I heard your mother once, off in the distance...
Steve - loved this! You are so clever - will have to try that imagery idea with my mother-in-law. Funny - Dillard's has always been one of my favorite places to shop. Guess that's only because I've been deprived of Nieman Marcus.
Oh, it does take a steady hand to write funny around the word (and idea) "funeral". You sure you're a physician? You have the fine skills of a surgeon. (But not the ego. Need to work on that.)
Aw. This post is my favorite post in a very long time! hee hee I loved the progression from rose to one flower back to the fantastic funeral. hee hee
Very nicely done.

P.S. - I'm going to show this to my daughter (minus the ending) next time she gets on my case...
A fine narrative this, in the best O. Henry tradition. Oh, and an Editor's Pick too, although they don't know it yet... R-ated.
I suspect our moms may be related.
Gonna be one hell of a sendoff!
Oh, and I must endorse ManTalkNow's speculation that you might be a surgeon... There was certainly clinical precision in your selection and placement of those accompanying photographs, with never a misstep.
Brilliant and hysterical mom rant. I took care of my mom for many years and I can soooo relate to constant complaining. But then the imagery of the funerals and how they changed. OMG, hysterical!!!
Then, like a lot of mom's she zinged ya, didn't she? Good for Mom! This is the best mom day post I have or will read! The pics were a wonderful addition.....the Jehovah dog food one made me spit out my coffee!
Love the funny funeral progression - and the end. Smiles.
This was one of the funniest "mom" pieces I have read...ever! I love the way the story built up to the funerals, well illustrated, then came back around and bit us with your humor and your mom's great plan!

Thank you...and Happy Mothers Day to your mom.
Rated
What Jehovah's dog food picture??? If you deleted it, bring it right back, mister.
Ah, there's the dog. It wasn't loading on my puter. I laughed, I cried, I considered calling my mom--and decided against it.
You had me balling.

My mother was a pill sometimes, too.

You are lucky to have her with you now. I am the same age and I can tell you that I think I could get along with my mother, finally. And now it is too late.

SO, think of whatever gets you through the shopping, and read tequilaanddonuts if you need a compadre to laugh with!
Oh, oh, oh!!!!

And get yourself a copy of Berkely Breathed "Mars Needs Moms", it is a children's book, but I would never read it to my son, ever. I cried for a full 30 minutes after I read it.

His mom was a pistol, too.
And nearly on the eve of Our Mother of All Saints Day! Mom! Watch out!
Steve, this is one of the best posts ever. The humor is beyond question. I read this at work and had to get up and walk away during the degeneration of imaginary funerals just to get my breath back. A wonderful twist to finish up.
I love the way you think! And I'm glad it took a turn for the better, if only for a day. :~)
This was great. And your mom is right - I had my first hooker in the shoe department at Dillards.
I can't believe you made me laugh and tear up a little. Quite an accomplishment, Mr. Writer Man. I think you and Tequila & Donuts could do a road show together.

BTW, my mother planned her own funeral in great detail, down to where we would buy the ham and potato salad (2 different places, mind you) and we did it exactly as she wished. Actually, it really helped to know what she wanted.
You teach medicine and can create like Sondheim (life's highest praise) -- talk about right brain/left brain! You're my hero. (Except for Sondheim)
You write the perfect prescription for everyone and everything that ails us. I need a refill of "who wears this crap?" very soon. Funny and excellent, Steve.
I'm still awed at your forgiveness for 14 years of piano lessons (of course, I may be self-projecting here)
I would want my daughter to share this with me:) This is wonderful.
Steve,
This is super. For my money - your best.
This very, very good and deserves more notice!
Hilarious and beautiful. Rated.
Steve, what a great, great story! You got me laughing like a loon and brought me to the brink of tears. (don't ever do that again, I hate that)
I'm a lot like you in the respect that I was blessed with a great Mother. Is she crazy, well...yeah, but if you live long enough to reach eighty I figure if your not stark raving mad, you must have done something right. Mother's are awesome. Mine still smacks me if I swear in front of her. She can't move like she used to, but she's still got some game.
Aw, that's sweet.

I've been looking for a rare book for about a year and a half now. Can I have Mildred's number?
What a great post about the honest to goodness feelings about living with mom. You are a bit of a saint, though, don't you know that...cuz it's true.
Thank you. That made my day.
ohhhh....God love ya! Mom's are a real mixed bag, aren't they? BTW...you had me at Jehovah Witness funeral...HA HA HA HA!
Dammit, Steve, make up your mind. Either make me laugh my ass off or cry with a post, but don't make me do both in the same one.

But since you did, that was awesome.
Simply brilliant. I don't even care how much or how little of it is true or false. All of it is so very human...

I may have to show it to my adult daughter, even though I am nowhere near your mother's age (yet). I haven't yet decided if I even want to live that long. It will depend on how well I feel. ;~)
Brilliantly funny and so sweet at the end. I loved everything about this one, Steve.
Clever as a cat. Love your take on life in all its wonders.
You have my mother. Oh, God. Rated for joint suffering.
Fabulous story of mom - thanks for sharing. Moms make such great fuel for stories.
Dillards is a store for hookers. I don't know why you would want to take your Mom there.
“Who wears this crap? This merchandise is junk! This store is for hookers!”

Well...it is.
Ramblinrose Age 60 this year
I do think this is the best post I have read so far here. OMG!!! This shows every side of the emotions of such things. It is very real yet very emotional at the same time. Bravo!!!
Doesn't love beat all?
This actually brought tears to my eyes.

I think all of us Texans who are transplanted to Oklahoma miss Neimans - she is not alone.

Great, sweet tribute.
you completely nailed this :D Thanks for the laugh
Enjoyed and rated.
damn your talents! you made me laugh and miss my mom at the same time...great piece, steve...
There's a smaller version of Notre Dame in Montreal. And the Montreal Symphony Orchestra is pretty good with Kent Nagano as director. You might want to keep that in mind when she starts getting under your skin again.
OMG, this is the best story! I can't stop laughing. With tears in my eyes. I keep forgetting how very very funny you are... witty is a better word. Dry wit, like a fine whine, must be gradually allowed into the system.

Thank you for this goofy smile you put on my face. I so needed it. Thank Mom for me too. I'll come to her funeral, but not for a while yet, okay?
Until the ending, I thought maybe we had something in common. The funeral visualization is genius and I could totally relate until you got to the part where your mother actually does think of your needs and wants and shows her appreciation in sly ways. Your mother is only superficially like my mother, the complaining part. Lucky you, but then again I don't live with my mother. Yipes.
Oh God Steve I hope to hell I don't end up like your mother! But how brave, courageous and good of you to have her live with you. Believe me, you are working off some MAJOR KARMA HERE! I know it's tougher than nails, but ultimately I really admire and applaud you because you are a good son and you are DOING THE RIGHT THING. We all get cranky when we get old.
You made this up! But it's good, anyway.

rated just for creativity. and for living with your mom at your age. IF it's true:)
This was an outstanding piece of work...Thank you for starting MY mother's day (canine only) with a laugh...as I sit here awaiting for the M. Stewart punched butterflies on the hand-made card I just made to have the glitter glue on their wings dry for mom. As someone who is 50+ living with my mother 86, and father 92, I can so relate...It is nature for it to be a love-hate relationship I think. At my angriest I remember what my friend Joan has shared...her mom walked into a lake one day...and that was the end. Give your mom a trip to DFW as a gift:-)
I went shopping yesterday at another chain dept store and I was walking around the store thinking to myself, "Who wears this crap? This merchandise is junk! This store is for hookers!”

Funny and beautiful story, thank you so much!
Steve - I love you for this. Touching and hilarious - my favorite combo. "Pushing her off the cliffs of Dover into the sea below...", Forgive me, but I started laughing there and laughed all the way to the sweet end. You are a doll. Happy Mother's Day to you and your mom (picture you and your mom on a nice beach in Maui being served Mai Tais by a gorgeous polynesian girl wearing an outfit from Dillards).
They are Jekyll AND Hyde! That's why, all in all, we love them dearly. Thanks for such a funny and honest story.
Funny, and I'm sure too true.
Steve, thank you for the laughs and the tears....this piece was nothing short of brilliant! You are a joy!
A store for hookers...too funny.

My mother would trip out if a restaurant gave her milk instead of cream for her coffee. Like a total fit. It was ridiculous.
Rated! Excellent story about how infuriating and yet totally loving our moms can be. :)
Great story Steve. Don't feel bad about all the complaining and extreme shopping, I have to live with it too. From my wife :-)

RATED for your mother
Oh! Almost forgot BOOMER SOONER
Hilarious! Your mom deserves nothing but the best. How about a Perlman solo to open with?
I loved this piece! Especially with the pictures and the great ending .
you made my day!
This is one wicked post. And I mean that in the best way possible.
What a great Mother's Day post! No matter how obnoxious moms can get, they still find ways to surprise and show us they love us. Rated!
I loved it. I may be about to enter into the same situation with my son. I told him it was a crazy idea, and he didn't know what he was letting himself in for,and he said," Well, who's gonna do it? You are 85 years old and I don't want to come into your apt. someday and find you've been lying on the floor for 3 days." Oh well, guess I'll have to give it serious consideration. But it ain't gonna be easy for an old woman who has danced to her own music for the last 37 years., and argued with her bosses all her life, and took on all the right wing politicians, and wouldn't let the" good ole boys "intimidate her" in the corporate world. PS--I worked at Neiman Marcus for 10 years and I feel the same way about Dillards. I am spoiled, but if not now, when? I think I earned the right to be me.
Like the March Hare I am late, late, late. But if was still funny. Very. Can you imagine that? It has a great shelf life. Do forty more and you have a book of short stories. What are you waiting for?

Monte
Wonderful. You are a hero for having your mother to live with you.

My late mother was completely impossible and a true force of nature. My brother and I took great pains with her funeral, as a tribute to her but also for the sake of my father- they were together for 61 years and he adored her. I was thrilled when one of the attendees eyed the coffin as though it were a particularly elegant hat and exclaimed: "Oh, that's just lovely- it's really so HER, isn't it?" And it was.
Well, damn ~ I read this: Mom has the imperiousness of Marie Antoinette, the ruthlessless of Madame DeFarge, the abrasiveness of Leona Helmsley and, on extremely rare occasions, the kindness of Mother Theresa. ~ on the cover and thought this was going to be about ME~~~ WTF???

The good news is, as I read on, I realized that this is exactly how I want to be when I'm 70 ... of course, I'll probably be a little drunk, too.
Love this post. I included a link to it in my own Mother's Day post, mentioned it in the 6th annual HS men's volleyball Mother's Day e-mail I sent out late yesterday, and am also suggesting it to my friends and family in the MD e-mail I'm about to send out to my entire address book.

A delicious concoction of humor and poignancy.

Well done.

Paws way up!
the humor of this is marvelous...the pacing masterful.
What type of Supermom could inspire this?
Hilarious and heartwarming! Great stuff!
What a touching and funny story all in one! What a writer! I chuckled at the end as well as tingled all over. Not only does your Mom obviously love you, she's helping you become a more patient person!
I agree with Patricia K..
I asked a respected Teacher about Irritating_People who are in our Life. I'll not go into details.
The respected Friend said:`
Nature produces character.
No so funny, OHO Nature!
Irritated_Mother is a saint!
?
!
.

Rumi teaches this. A man had a cranky relation. I visitor knocked on the door of a so-called-wise one. The wife, in this case-story was nasty. She said:`You jerk! You have nothing better to do than come see my jerky-man who hides up in the wood-shop banging on his Open Salon computer, and listens to Bach, Mozart, and Beethoven? You don't have anything better to do?" She said to the man:`Beet it!

The man was very sad.
He was flabbergasted.
But, he persisted, No!

The wayfarer insisted the visit was essential. She cussed, raged, but said:`Go talk to the old jerk.
The conversation was great.
The edification was soothing.
Advise and counsel was wise.
He was departing and asked:`
Why is the lady in your house so nasty? The semi-recluse smiled and responded:`Nature uses her nasty demeanor to be my Practice. She helps me ponder Life, and she build my personal character." I guess I agree?
Enmity.
Mystery.
Bewildering.
Listen to J. S. Bach.
You are a gentleman.
I enjoy Ya post/comments.
Fantastic! Thanks for the laugh.
~tears~ Too beautiful!!! Especially the Latter Day Saints.

*Crying even more*

:)
This is absolutely one of the best posts I have ever read on OS.
You are awesome! hehehe LOVE IT!
Jesus, but this is funny and sweet! It feels like it should be hauled out every Mother’s Day, sort of like the way they always air ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ every Christmas/New Year’s.
Too funny. Although my mom could out shop your mom with her eyes closed and her arms tied behind her back. It is physically impossible for her to leave a store without purchasing a piece of clothing. She has closets filled with things she's never worn! Why, why, why?!?!? As a response to her compulsive and shopaholic behavior my sister and I do what we call "drive by shopping".

As for mom moving in ... ixnay to that. She snores very very loud.
Your mom is a clever girl....funny stuff and a nicely played ending!
This was very funny, Steve. I love the way you ratcheted down the funeral from cathedral to Baptist Church with bad organist to Nazarene church witih six daisies And talk about guilt. Just when you and the lone Jehovah's witness were burying you with the daffodil on her grave, she's finding you this fabulous CD. Then to promote her back up to the cathedral, the mass and the flower...but it's still her funeral. Mother Theresa would be proud.

Rated
You have perfectly captured how our mothers can infuriate us, outwit us while we are unaware of their true motives. Your mother must have done something right when she raised you! Rated!

P.S. I always thought Dillard had too much old lady stuff. If your mom says it's hooker clothes, then who really wears their stuff?
I have a new favorite post, and yes, damn it, I am crying. Superb!
Wonderful, hilarious, sweet... what a Beautiful post, with a capital B! I know I´m coming here rather late (I´m always late on OS...), but I feel happy I saw your avatar on another´s blog and clicked on it to see if you had written something... a treasure found!! Rated and thanks!
Kisses.
oh this is brilliant. jsut brilliant. you are so freaking funny and this writing is both hilarious and very poignant. not easy to do. wow. i just love the funeral refrain. it's wonderful. thank you for friending me. i'd lov elove lvoe to be alerted to your next post. have some trouble concentrating from a pituitary tumor that is thankifully gone. so alerts make me very very happy. love love love and huge gratitude for this wonderful piece. can you push my mother off a cliff???? she's a very mean ex-con.
I thought giving someone a recording of Scriabin was a way of torturing them. Are you sure you mom meant well?

Are you sure this isn't an outline for your screenplay "Throw Momma From the Cliffs of Dover"?
Rated and Dugg. Go to digg.com. It's now on there.
I like Neiman-Marcus too. That's why I didn't have any kids. But I'm willing to adopt you if you'll throw me a really fine funeral.
Dillard's IS for hookers! :D

Great post.
Here's a few pointers from someone who grew up with parents forty years their senior:
Have an adult relationship. Adults put up with listening to each other's distorted thoughts and ideas a lot; if you are used to associating with people your own age you'll find they are thinking pretty much the same things you are, so listening to them is easy. Expand your horizons, you might be surprised to learn that older people's ideas can be just as interesting and sometimes even informative. When people complain a lot, it's usually because they feel like they do not have voice; if you ask them to stop complaining they'll direct their frustrations at you. Instead figure out a way to channel that energy in a more positive direction, such as involvement in a political campaign or civil society work, where they will feel they have a voice and are important and useful. Be assertive, don't let your parent/s shut you down, abuse or belittle your feelings or self image. These steps are crucial to building a healthy adult relationship with your parent/s. Like in any relationship you have learn to give a little, whether it's excruciating shopping trips or embarrassing folk dances, find your inner child and let them out to play their Gameboy/DS/PSP or by all means find that happy place imagining that person's funeral while you endure the ordeal.
A great story, wonderfully written. I loved every word.
How did I miss this? How did I find this? Who am I? What am I doing here?
That was super, super cool. Just wonderful.
Ah, Dr. Blevins, you reveal the secret heart of mushy goo beneath the gruff exterior. With a little Throw Mama From the Train tossed in for good measure. Beautifully done.
There are no more superlatives. I loved it.
This is so funny, thank you!
This may be late but I'm new here and just found this story. I normally don't like the "decorated" stories but I swear this one had me in tears (laughing) and the pictures were perfect accompaniment. Great job.
So glad this was on the cover today, or I'd have missed it. What a wonderful story, and what wonderful writing.
This was absolutely brilliant! I am new to OS and have been bewildered by all the recent discussion regarding covers and EPs, but I am glad that this was featured today. You captured the complexity of the relationship between a mother (and quite a mother!) and her adult child. And you write with the best kind of humor, that which seems/is inappropriate.
Yep. This is a classic. It's my second favorite. My favorite is the conversation with Kerry Lauerman. (soft sigh, batting lashes It was my first.) It's hard to pick favorites.
Oh Steve, I just now read your post and I am dying laughing. Your choice of words and the photos are great! You remind me of a wonderful writer named Betty MacDonald who wrote the book "The Egg and I". It's just something in the way you see things.
I can feel your love and pain, I , too, lived with my Mother in her last years. They were filled with love and pain and I know exactly what you are saying.
I could read this all day long!!!
Now you know, Who loves ya' Baby! Moms have a special pass to do whatever they please. I have to go call my Mom, thanks Steve.
Beautiful. I'm choked and speechless. Especially at this time of the year.
Steve, you really made my day! I just got off the phone with a relative wishing my Mom a Happy New Year. I had to repeat every line, so Mom could hear it. She is now 89 and still going strong! That includes her incessant negativity, which I finally realize has rubbed off on me over the years.
If my situation says anything, you have a long road ahead.
Enjoy it, while you can!
This was my favorite single post of the year on OS. I was thrilled to read it again. You have done many funny things but this one is your best ever, in my opinion.
Mom is either letting go of the past or unable to let go. Mom is having a hard time dealing with the present. She needs a thorough exam to rule out alzheimers. Also consider anti-depressants and anti-anxiety. Point is that she needs to be checked out by a doctor and being with a good, compassionate and loving therapist wouldn't hurt either! Also, could you consider looking into assisted living? Your feelings toward and about her are not really good for either one of you! Being an aging mother myself, (with all my faculties intact, tank god, for the time being) my heart really goes out to her! Sorry if I don't appear to be taking your side! We are a matriarchal-hating culture and we really don't like aging women very much. Once our procreative/beauty/wage earning years are done, no one wants the presence of an aging female elder. Compassion. Kindness. Let go of the past. Let go of the future. Try to live with her and do some of these things I suggest and if you get to a point when you really can't take it, forgive yourself and find alternatives!
This was from before I was here, so really appreciate it making a reappearance because I wouldn't want to have missed something so sweet and funny. I love it. Happy New Year, Steve.
I missed this one the first time around. Isn't it wonderful it made its way to the cover today. What a sweet and funny way to start a year.
Rated just for the topic alone. Now to read it.
Your mother must be wonderful to have raised such a talented son.
Glad I got pointed to this! Wish I had had a mom like yours!
Man, Steve, Spud pointed me in this direction, but he didn't mention anything about crying. I just came from my mom's 80th birthday party. She is also doing great, although she will talk all day about her foot she broke in the 70's. Never fails. Thank you for putting it all in perspective!
I got to get off this spray paint. I just found out I read this before. Hell, maybe I'll just change colors!
Aw! This just warms the cockles of my heart. What a great story!!
I love you, Steve. I really, really love you... for writing the post that keeps on giving.

Hilarious doesn't begin to cover it.
I think I need to print this for my husband to carry on his person as he wrestles with very similar circumstances. So glad Spudman pointed us here.
I completely missed this first time around, so thank Spudman for this trip! Hilarious, glad he is sending readers here.
I am sooooo glad we got to see this again via Spudman's weekly collection! Absolutely stunning and fractiously funny!