1. Because they always arrive happily asleep from the long car ride until they wake up to 10 million people standing around the buggy staring at them making them uncharacteristically cranky.
2. Because when they become suddenly cranky and begin to cry, your breasts quickly fill up and you have a very noticeable, instant boob job.
3. Because once the boobs are full, I swear the baby can smell the milk so he erupts into a shrieking infant cry that resonates quickly through a very quiet editorial department.
4. Because although shrieking infant cries are totally normal, the sound really freaks people out. You can see it in their panicked faces.
5. Because while you’re dutifully performing the bounce-and-butt-pat to calm the infant, you feel like your credibility as a hard-ass-can-handle-any-drama reputation is bouncing right out the door.
6. Because it’s really embarrassing to have to call the HR director from your boss’ office to ask for a key to the pumping room so you can nurse him into calm. (The pumping room is a special room designated by a company so employees who are nursing mothers can express their breast milk during the work day in comfort and privacy.)