snarkychaser's Blog

Chasing the Elusive is My Muse.


New Jersey, USA
January 01
Snarky is my elusive muse. It is grasping for the unobtainable that causes anguish, and in the anguish and negative space, creativity can flourish.However, I am afraid that Snarky has given me very little to chase after lately....maybe...if I'm really lucky, he will send me a picture of his poison ivy.



AUGUST 20, 2010 9:21AM

Walks with my Daughter

Rate: 16 Flag

When my teenaged daughter and I take our late night dog walks around the neighborhood, we talk. I think, it is the only venue where we can talk. She always has her headphones in her ears, but she assures me that she can still hear me. Here is what I have learned in the past year and I hope that it will help all of my middle-aged friends:

  1. Dr. Who has no sexuality. He never has sex even though he is thrown together with very hot women. (I am sure I remembered an episode where he did have sex with a Victorian woman…but he had amnesia then)
  2. Batman died. There is a new one.
  3. Django Reinhardt is not the same man as Jango Fett
  4. According to middle- schoolers in our town, Vampires are “out”. My daughter thinks that  this is funny and disagrees. She hates Twighlight.
  5. Zombies are still popular. Her school guidance counselor had called me several months ago to alert me to my daughter's “very dark thoughts”. She had done a comic book in French for French class about flesh eating zombies. I had to cite all of the popular zombie literature that is in the public libraries in surrounding towns before (I am not sure that I really did) I could convince that her that zombies are now a normal part of teen culture.
  6. Joan Jett is sexier than I am even though I am younger.
  7. People have tried to have cyber sex with her on the internet but she can handle it. If they ask her for a picture, she has tons of Google images to send to dissuade them further. That means if they ask her for a picture of her pussy, she sends them a cat and disconnects.
  8. She has had friends that have had suicidal thoughts. We deal with these as they happen on each of our walks.
  9. Relationships over the internet are real. This is a constant debate that I have with her. In our walks, I have gotten to know more about her friends all over the world. She has a “wife” on Facebook.  Her close friend is a vegetarian from Texas whose father makes her go hunting with him.  The girl is an absolute genius and lives in a very small border town. We sent her a vegetarian care package because she can’t even get tofu when her family drives for miles to the only supermarket. The girl’s father still does not believe that we are real despite the fact that we just sent a large box.

My daughter is brilliant and seems very old for her age. She also looks much older. My husband and I are sometimes astounded by her ability to have political and philosophical discussions. Yet she is still a child.I don’t believe that I can really efficiently censor her. I can only provide boundaries.  It would impossible for me to monitor every move she makes. I would not want to. I have to trust her to make good choices with my help. I am just glad that we have our walks.

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Good you have these talks! I love zombie movies...especially Zombie Land.
My daughter is 17 and will start her senior year on Monday. I can easily indentify with much in this post. Like yours, my daughter regularly gets my attention with her comments and opinions on everything from politics to music to financial matters. Boundaries. Trust. Having faith in her. I won the lottery with my daughter and I know it. How many 17 year old girls do you know that have 5K in a checking account with a debit card - and she refuses to spend it? And it is all money she earned, birthday gifts, allowance, etc. It is probably wrong of me to feel this way, but if I am a successful at being a Dad, nothing else really matters too much to me. The best to you and your daughter.
Patrick- Zombie land is a big fav...I never watch horror.

Desert- You are lucky and your love for your daughter is ooozing out of the screen. I believe that our relationships with opposite sex children help us to love the opposites sexes in our life. For instance, having my son had enabled me to see the little boy in all men. You love women.
I am soooooooooooo not interested in zombies OR vampires. I suppose I could fake it if a teenager wanted to talk, but an adult? No way, no thanks.

But I think it is way cool that you are so cool with your daughter's sexuality. I think it's the best way.
David- I am soooo not into these things either. I just let her talk. I do like Batman and Dr. Who.
It is great that your daughter still trusts you enough to have conversations with nothing off the table. My daughter cut me off at 15, and I hated not knowing what was really going on in her life.
She's right. Those idiot vampire stories are still in. I'm with her - zombies are much more interesting. With five daughters, I understand boundaries. But as a dad, I will protect them to the death.
Scanner- she may cut me off yet. I hope not.
Brad- I am amazed at the five daughters thing... The mother is a saint.
That period was interesting to say the least. I couldn't believe some of the conversations she can up with. Thankfully she missed the emo fad and never got in real trouble. Now she's my hero.

on a 1 to 10 scale of difficulty: the boy 2 the girl 99
It sounds like an amazing relationship. You both must be very cool people to have so much love and respect for each other.
Wsahnz- I love hearing all of these gushing compliments that you fathers are giving to you daughters. I had a relationship that was full of tension. I think that your daughters will not have all of the father baggage that I had.

RP- you are so very positive. You light just beams in your words.
Kimberly- Do a post on both. I think that we don't think they are real because we have grown up with a different reality...Just as flying saucers may have been conjured by the collective unconscious...perhaps we will learn that thought constitutes a new reality.
Your daughter sounds like a fascinating kid. I avoid facebook but find the trends you wrote about.... very illuminating.

There is so much material, I'd bet, about your daughter, and I look forward to reading it. Do you have other children?
The faith is in the independent thinking that was taught in the early years. Now it is just trusting the consequences. If she wants to walk the dog with you, that's a great sign... and something that the dog appreciates too.
May your walks go on forever..._r
excellent piece. walks, talking, listening, all good things. as are amazing daughters.
Fernsy- She is fascinating. She is very much her own person but hates that fact that I blog so I won't be doing too much on her. She writes a little like you sometimes.I also have a very sweet sensitive son.
Catherine- I agree with you but I really regret having taught her that everything is negotiable.
Joan H- I hope so. Thank you
Femme Forte- I love your name.
It's so great that you have this relationship with your daughter. You may remember in a previous post of mine that my daughter is challenged and she thinks in concrete terms only. How I wish I could have real talks with her. Savor them. -R-
Christine- I do remember. But there but for the grace of god. We don't know what the future ever it is always a lesson to savor every moment. My aunt became schizophrenic at 20, she was a magnificent writer and a genius. So many of the unexpected things can reder previously lucid connecting people ...unable to connect.
Yea! Great post! People would ask me, "Gosh aren't you afraid having a daughter?" (based on the assumption all girls are dumb and will get pregnant) "" I would reply, "because we taught her to think." Not enough thinking girls out there--glad there is one more.
Mark- Thanks

Christine- Don't people think it would be bad if their boys got girls pregnant? It is 50% boys.
My daughter has passed teenagehood, so as a mother who has been there, I can say with certainty that you are on the right track by keeping your lines of communication open. Listen, even if you don't care for vampires or zombies. It's not only what she tells, it's how she says that matters too. Wish her a great journey to adulthood. ~R
Fusun- Thank you so much! I will try.
I hope I can do as well as you my oldest is 13 and he is so very different this year. Looks like a man talks like a boy, knows so much more that he realizes.r