I'm not a very good dancer. It's not something my size-12 feet were meant to do. Coordination? Forget about it.
The alcoholic dance, though, is something in which I'm well versed. One step forward, two steps back, a sideways glance, cheek-t0-cheek, move to the beat.
My two precious little ones are home with me earlier than planned. My mother-in-law revealed sobriety lapses these last few weeks (since my last visit to the next state over where my alcoholic wife has been staying with her mom), so the kids returned with me rather than stay another week.
And so it goes. Step. Step. Side. Side. Shuffle. Cheek to cheek.
I can honestly say I had a very nice visit with my wife and kids this weekend. While my wife worked most of Saturday, I spent it with my kids playing, reading, drawing and just generally being a dad.
After the conversation with my mother-in-law yesterday, I was able to line up a sitter and then promptly called my Alanon support network. Sponsor? Check. Closest three Alanon friends? Check. I felt better balanced and able to deal with the inevitable "reveal" with my wife.
That conversation went better than I expected (at least on my end). I didn't lose my temper, lecture, blame or scold. It felt good. I told her the kids were coming home with me and they couldn't be around her if she's still drinking.
Now, I guess I'm at the next phase. As I was leaving, my mother-in-law and wife pressured me to give them a firm return date for the kids. I side-stepped the question and said we'd discuss it later.
It looks like it's time to legally separate. I don't want to do this. As I drove over the mountain pass to get home, I cried at least half the drive. This hurts. Much like when I called 911 on Feb. 5 (which resulted in getting my wife out of the house), this decision is just as painful. I feel like I've been forced into this action.
Tomorrow is another day. Right now, I have to chase a 1-year-old before she gets into something, and change the jammies for her 3-year-old brother (since he dribbled yogurt all down the front).
Step. Step. Shuffle and bow. The dance ends.