The Voice of Everyday Moms

screamin mama

screamin mama
Florida, USA
February 17
writer, voice-over, addicted to blogging, previously almost famous acid rock guitar queen (previously almost famous because I now have kids... hence screamin mama... but, it's still nice to dream), future photojournalist (still dreaming) and the next (female version) George Lucas, Steven Spielberg or Martin Scorcese (yes, dreams go far). Til then, I am ecstatically publishing a monthly/bi-monthly magazine, ScreaminMamas - The Voice of Everyday Moms. If you have a voice in this field and have the urge to write and be published, please email me:! We LOVE stories!!! Also visit our website, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter. xox


MAY 15, 2009 9:32AM

I'm in Teenage Parenting Hell!

Rate: 27 Flag

Oi-vey! Does it have to be so damn difficult? The mouths, the attitudes, the demands, the needs, the friends, the food, aye-aye-aye! You know, after an exhausting  day of battling I have to think back, “Was I this horrible when I was a teen?” Yikes! I was! Mom, Dad (even though you're not here anymore), forgive me, please! I want to just slap myself silly - the hell I put them through! 

But, after the storm has passed and I find a moment to breathe in... breathe out... I realize there is humor amidst all the madness.

I rummaged through some old writing and found this piece of work. I think it was written about the time the Screamin Mama stick figure was born and I would like to share it with all parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents, sisters, brothers and non-parents (boy, how I envy all of you non-parents right now! LOL) I hope this can add a few chuckles to your day and maybe even some stress relief.... and if you have any other tips, PLEASE SHARE!!!


10 Tips on Parenting...


    1. Choose battles wisely. If you're too tired to see an argument through, LEAVE IT for another day.


    2. When siblings fight, as long as they're not killing each other, IT'S FAIR GAME.

    3. Keep the house dark and draw the shades tight. It induces sleep.


    4. Get your OWN bathroom.


    5. Two must have catch-all phrases: “Go to sleep;” and “Go play.”


    6. Go to work as often as possible.


    7. If they don't eat what's available, they're not hungry!


    8. Keep plenty of extra strength Tylenol stocked in YOUR bathroom.


    9. Don't have another!


    10. And by God, say your prayers!

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teenagers, parenting, hell, fighting, tips

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I use #6 a lot ;0) Mine is 15.
I think of that too, was I this bad? I think I was! you can do this and keep your sanity, i know it !!
Another good tip is: when choosing a name for your child, go out into the backyard and scream the entire name as loud as you can. Make sure you like what you hear, because you'll be doing that more often than you can possibly imagine.

(I was a horrible teenager, too)
I'm in teenage parenting hell...and my daughters are 29 and 26. The moral of this story is -GET USED TO IT!
Seriously, it does get better, but there are flare-ups, especially when they are together in my presence.
My mother used to tell me,"you wait." I am.
It's like childbirth: It doesn't last forever, and afterward, you'll forget the worst of it. Hang in there.
I'm right there with you. It's funny, none of my friends who have children (all younger than mine) believe me when I tell them the hardest part of parenting is yet to come. I thought I had it pretty well under control until my oldest hit 19. Oy is right.
This is a good list. You do have to pick your battles carefully!
#1, #2, #7 - these should be my mantras. My own bathroom -that is the stuff dreams are made of!
Agreed on all counts - well said, Screamin' Mama!
Thank you all for commenting! It is comforting to know I AM NOT ALONE!!!! oi! I'm on my way out, but I can see there are quite a few tips here I must add to this list! I shall be back and return your comments! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
Just remember teenagers have not developed a total capacity for reasoning yet. #11 - Don't frustrate yourself further by trying to reason with them. Stop making sense.

By the time they hit their late teens early twenties they will be more reasonable and appreciate mom. I was told this by a colleague mom years ago when my daughter was embarking on her teens. I can tell you now, she was right.
Drive crappy cars, so they will not borrow them........
I have survived one daughter, now on her own with a 4-year old daughter of her own...and, I'm smirking, little Vernessa drives her crazy. AAAAAhhhh, payback is a beautiful thing to witness..ha! However, I still have two teenage daughters at home driving ME crazy...but once in a while, admidst the bitching and bickering, we will just start laughing at how ridiculous we are.

They haven't killed each other yet...and I still have most of my wits left.

Thanks Screamin' Mama...we're all in that boat together!
hahahaha! I feel sooo identified with you.... but as you said, to laugh it off is a good way to keep a basic level of mental health.... rated!
Just love this list - I think your sense of humor will help see you through. The teen years are just around the corner for us - my son is going to 13 in a few months, although his 10 yr old sister is the one who I am betting will keep things interesting.
Makes a person understand how animals ear their young!!! Because they are to big to eat how!!!!
teens are the worst going off to die so sure that you know nothing and you have to wait for years to see if they survive!
Now that mine are 27 & 25 and live 2000 miles away (and have for the last 10 years) I think often of how I miss the years of parenting hell--and it was the now 35 year old step-son who provided the most grey hairs. Years and years ago a friend gave me the best description ever of teenagers: from the ages of 13-19 they're "hormonally brain-damaged".
The great thing about having 3 though is that by the time the 3rd one comes along, you just really don't care that much anymore. Actually you do, it's just that you can now tell the difference between something that's important from something that isn't very important--what matters from what doesn't matter.
I love reading your posts, even if they sometimes make me re-think the kid thing. Should we? Shouldn't we? But it's worth it, right?
That #2 is tough and mine aren't even through with the toddler years yet... God help me in 10yrs. Maybe they'll chill by then??? Who knows? Could happen...
as a non-parent myself, i sometimes find myself looking at someone's young children and saying, "aww, how cute, i wish i had me one of these." then i'll think back to how i was as a teen and realize that, given the option, there's no way i'm going to put myself at the mercy of a little monster like teen-nana:-P
Oh, the bipolar daughter got a summer sublet, a summer sublet--hooray, hooray! She packed her bags and is on her way! Hang in there, mama. HB
I love you all!
Dorinda and Ariana - Thank you!
Charity - Fantastic! I must incorporate in the list!
Stella - I think your friend is VERY wise! Thank you for sharing.
Junk1 - I hear you!
High Lonesome - I'm hanging! hehehehehe
Leigh - you mean it gets worse? Oy! LOL
Delia - timing is everything!
Mamoore - I finally got my own bathroom. Only problem is, the kids got the nice one!
Owl & Brenda - Thank you & Amen!
Jane, Stella is right on. These teenage years are for the birds!!!!!! Good Lord I can't wait til they're on their own! Though I'll be crying every minute their gone. LOL
Gary - a true genius you are. My son is due to drive in another year, I must frame your piece of wisdom.
Kimmy Sue - it is nice to know we are in the boat together, otherwise, I'd tip it over and paddle to shore as fast as I can! hehehehe
Oh Marcela and Diva! - I love you both! Yes, humor is the ONLY way to get through the madness. Sometimes you just got to sit back and let it go. Laughter is the best medicine! LOL
Drabbuh - yes, a few other wise parents have told me the same thing!Kathy - oh boy! I'd better buckle the seatbelt extra tight... those years are just ahead! :O
Leonde - Thank you, thank you, thank you! Something to look forward to! Thank you!
Walter - does it ever end? There was a great line in the movie Parenthood with Steve Martin. It was Jason Robards saying, "It never ends. It's like your Aunt Edna's ass - it goes on and on and it's just as frightening!"
Gwendolyn - If I told you I didn't want to strangle mine at least once a day, I'd be lying. But, at the same time, if I didn't tell you that they have filled my life with more joy, challenge, adventure and happiness than I could ever imagine, I would be lying just the same. Thanks for visiting. They're worth it! (I hope!) LOL
Ghost - where have you been, girl? Yes, it could happen. Anything is possible. Just remember #10 when it all starts hitting the fan! Hehehehehehehe... LOL Hope all is well! Miss you...
Nanatehay - You are a SMART man! LOL
HB - I'm hanging, I'm hanging! And here's to you having a GREAT summer! (Now might be a good time for that yellow Lamborghini???) :)

Thank you all for visiting and sharing! My daughter is sleeping over her friend's house tonight, so I have SOME peace this evening. I'd better catch up on some things before she comes home in the morning and all hell breaks loose again!!! hehehehehe... Enjoy your weekend people!!
How funny and yet so true! Good luck!
I teach teenagers all day long! Some days I am SO HAPPY to send them home... and I feel just terrible for the parents of moody kids. But, I do remember how helpless to hormones and emotions I was-- and how everything is so new to them. I read some funny evolution theory that adolescents are repulsive so that their parents won't mate with them- that's for freeeking sure!
Good luck!
I love it, so true! My daughter is 15 and my son is 11. Already with the mouth, and the attitude, and the thinking they know everything! How I wish I had my own bathroom! You have to keep your sense of humor to survive. I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.
TimidView and Miss Educator - Thank you both, I need all the luck I can get right now - for freeeking sure! LOL
Kathryn - Oh, the mouths!!!! Yes, even they they have the better bathroom, I DON'T CARE! Yes, this too shall pass... I just wish it was sooner than later. :O Thanks for sharing.
Mama, I would trade you in a heartbeat :) even for a pissy teenager. (I think...)
lol those were so funny and somewhat true. I have another one or two though I used often.
Delayed obedience is disobedience.
If you have time to fight I have some jobs for you to do. Then they were duly assigned jobs. They quickly learned not to fight or complain about being bored with nothing to do.

You are right you will have many funny stories to remember and embarrass them's all worth it later.
this is excellent and so freaking funny!!!! thank you for sharing this. i have no teens but im' around them a lot and it's a huge challenge. btw, it's oy veh, i think. but i know it's "oy". i know my people.
love love love and gratitude and please alert me to your new posts. i really can't keep up otherwise and i feel terrible about that.
Julie, Sage, Teddy, thanks for sharing. I could use all the encouragement and laughter I can get right now! I haven't been around here much because these kids ARE DOING ME IN! Plus, we live in South Florida and our A/C was down the entire weekend! Good Lord, talk about hormones flying and moodswings. Well, we survived, thank goodness, and the A/C is fixed. It's also nice to know OS is here so I can blow off some steam in desparate moments. Thank you!!!! xoxoxo
Oh familiar post bringing back lots of "fun" memories. I developed a motto when my 4 kids were teenagers...if they "hate" me, then it means I'm doing something right. I actually loved the teenage years, despite the underage alcohol tickets and totaled cars. To be a witness to the growth and development of your children...and really the developmental goal of a teenager is to detach from mom (and dad) because they know they are somewhat close to leaving the nest, I always found to be an honor, despite my occasionally urges to harm them. Hang in there!
This a worthy of a cover, Momma. Every time I got the urge to breed, I would go visit my sister and her to kids. Cured for another six months. Works like a charm.

Teenage daughter to Mother, "I hate you and I never want to talk to you again!!! Will you drive me and Becky to the mall?"

I writing a post in your honor, Momma. Keep your eyes peeled.
Sounds like these might work for a spouse too!
Oh, Mama, you have lots of company in the Dealing-With-Teenagers club. I have an 18-year-old; already I'm so exhausted from him that I think I'll give the other two up for adoption before they become teens. I'm kidding, of course, but parenting teenagers is NOT for sissies.