Sometimes I get down. I get that woe is me feeling. I start thinking that somehow everyone else's life is better than mine. And I don't really mean everyone, but my friends, my acquaintances, the people in my little word. I starting feeling like things are so hard for me, that they are somehow harder for me than anyone else, and that of all of the people I know, things are the suckiest for me. Of course this can't be true, but this is how I start to feel. 

I think ridiculous things like everyone else's job is better than mine (whch might be true), or everyone else's house is bigger, less cramped and not as messy as mine (again, could be true), or everyone else's spouse, or at least some my friends' spouses, are more loving than mine.  Or I think, no one else has fucked up as much as I have; they've all made better choices; they've all ended up in better places.  They get to go out more.  They're more put together. They are in better shape. They don't let their kids eat junk food. They go on better vacations. They have sit-down family dinners. They have more fun. They ARE more fun!  

 And then sometimes I think: They never feel sad. They're not depressed. They never cry.  They never want to hide in the bed all day. They never feel like a failure.  They never feel like they can't keep it together.  They never feel alone when surrounded by tons of people.  They never want to run away.  They never wonder what if, or what else could have been.  They never wonder if this is it, if this is all there is.  

But then, and I bet you can guess where this is going, I am reminded. I get a glimpse behind the curtain, and I see that despite appearances, I am not alone.  That is, I've come to realize that we are all broken. We are all cracked.  We are all struggling.  We all sometimes look as though we've got it together, but in reality, are completely and totally falling apart.  We all have our secrets.  We all pretend. We all sometimes wish for something other. We all sometimes wonder what else could be. We all sometimes walk that fine line.  

It doesn't always make me feel better. In fact, as I write this, I am thinking about how my job truly does suck more than any of the other jobs my friends have, and again, I swear this one could be true. But I do know, that I am not alone. I am not the only one who is broken, not the only one desperately trying to keep it together, not the only one who sometimes feel like it's all just too much. Not everyone says it. Not everyone can admit. But that doesn't mean it's not true.