by Jeff Sawyer, sawyerspeaks.wordpress.com
This week I observed two mature, successful advertising professionals who long ago mastered such sophisticated hardware and and software as the Mac, PhotoShop, Microsoft Office, the iPad, theiPod, the iPhone, Quark and Adobe Indesign attempting to change the sound emitted by the CubiCaller on my office door.
The CubiCaller, essentially a doorbell, has but two buttons.
One plays the sound, and the other changes the sound.
The sounds are:
Old car horn
Knocking on door
The dymanic duo in question located and pressed the change button, but in today’s go-go-licktey-split world (you can lift that for your next cover line if you like, Wiredmagazine editor), lacked the patience to hold it in for one second. And, to borrow from Jerry Seinfeld’s car rental bit, anyone can push the button, but you have to holdthe button. And that’s really the most important part of the button, the holding.Anybody can just push the button.
The explanation behind this peccadillo, this momentary failure of human intellect, may be related in some way to a new theory of anthropology I’ve just heard about.
It suggests that creationism and Darwinism are both – sorry – way off base. Instead, this theory goes, man is descended from aliens, as evidenced by alien likenesses and descriptions in the wood carvings, writings and paintings of early man, who no way could ever have seen Star Trek.
Earth was created by God, sure, but He had a rather long honey-do list that weekend. Once the big rock was roughed in, He took off to create other stuff around the firmament and pick up the drycleaning too. I like to think he derived the same satisfaction many of us get from crossing each item off our list as it is completed.
The aliens noticed the new rock, hovered around awhile to check it for ticks, then, just for the heck of it, crossed their DNA with that of some apes (who came from God knows where) to create Man.
The very same Man whose alien side is now intelligent enough to invent a Cubicaller, but whose ape side is not quite shrewed enough to work it.
I don’t know whether this new theory of our nascency has a name yet, but I can suggest one:
© 2011 Jeff Sawyer