MY RECENT POSTS
- I Knew I'd Seen that Face
Before
May 02, 2013 08:01PM - Bibliographic Traffic
April 28, 2013 09:45PM - 3D Printers and Ted’s
Million Dollar Idea
April 19, 2013 09:41PM - What does the Tooth Fairy
leave in 2013?
April 07, 2013 10:35AM - 5 Reasons Baby Boomers Can't
Remember Anything
March 03, 2013 04:20PM
MY RECENT COMMENTS
- “Thanks Marilyn for the
comment! Jeff”
September 17, 2012 08:27PM - “Thanks! –
Jeff”
July 11, 2012 09:25PM - “My wife freelances, so
it's a week on here, a week
off there.
The weeks off are
f…”
April 15, 2012 11:16AM - “I want to be part of the
group that likes this.”
February 04, 2012 06:53PM - “Curses! No wonder my
transmission fell out.”
January 30, 2012 12:36PM
Jeff Sawyer's Links
I Knew I'd Seen that Face Before
Bibliographic Traffic
by Jeff Sawyer
While waiting to learn whether the Discovery Fit & Health network’s new series “I Was Impaled” will be hosted by Pierce Brosnan, I’ve been degusting (savoring) a 672-page fascicle (book) by Peter E. Meltzer called “The Thinker&… Read full post »
3D Printers and Ted’s Million Dollar Idea
“I had a million-dollar idea last night,” my neighbor Ted told me, leaning on his rake.
His last million-dollar baby was intended to provide the benefits of a Mediterranean diet in a creamy dessert. Pesto Tapioca is the reason Ted now has to do spring yard cleanup without help from guys… Read full post »
What does the Tooth Fairy leave in 2013?
1. Greenwich, Connecticut
Credit Default Swaps – financial swap agreement that seller will compensate the buyer in the event of a loan default or other credit event.
2. Detroit
Cavities.
3. London
Giant Monty Python Foot
4.
$2.42 – average cash /
… Read full post »5 Reasons Baby Boomers Can't Remember Anything
by Jeff Sawyer
1. The reason you can’t name all of the state capitals (or whether it’s spelled capitals or capitols) is that your brain has finite space and some of it is still being used to store the Mannix Theme you saw in 1967. It is pretty memorable as T/… Read full post »
Top 3 Least Popular Build-a-Bear Franchise Spinoffs
by jeff sawyer
Build-a-Snare Workshop
Kids turn razor-edged steel cables into small animal leg traps that are deployed in the vacant lot behind the mall. When a raccoon, squirrel or vermin is snared, friendly staff help kids stuff it and paint it and name it and box it and
… Read full post »2012: The Year in Tweets
It’s only a matter of time before a food critic goes with the headline, “50 Grades of Chez.”
Most Pugs will yield gas without fracking.
Fat guys need to stop saying "That's how I roll."Â
TO SUBSCRIBE: https://twitter.com/sawyerspeaks
Ready, Aim, Think
Guns should be designed to fire backwards once in a while, so you really have to be invested in the decision. Read full post »
POST OFFICE TO BALANCE BUDGET WITH NEW SCRATCH TICKET STAMPS
$15.9
Billion USPS Deficit Expected to Vanish by Tomorrow
Washington, D.C. – Calling it the greatest invention since email, Postmaster 5-Star General Betrayus today unveiled the nation’s first-ever Instant Win Forever Stamp.
“Simply scratch
… Read full post »5 Other Expressions for “Fiscal Cliff”
5. Bungee Bill
4. Hurtling Herb
3. 401(K)aput
2. Hey China’s At the Door and Wants A Trillion Dollars by Thursday
1. KarCrashian
Read full post »The 5/7ths Rule of a Reasonable and Successful Life
There are 7 days in the week, and on 5 of them we go to work. This simple fact is the principle behind, the catalyst for, the substrate (if you’re a fan of Tommy Silva on This Old House) of, the 5/7ths rule.
It could have been called the 2/7ths rule,… Read full post »
The 5/7ths Rule of a Reasonable and Successful Life
There are 7 days in the week, and on 5 of them we go to work. This simple fact is the principle behind, the catalyst for, the substrate (if you’re a fan of Tommy Silva on This Old House) of, the 5/7ths rule.
It could have been called the 2/7ths rule,… Read full post »
Halloween in Santa Monica
Recently I spent a few days in a decidedly upscale neighborhood in Santa Monica on a photo shoot.
Homes in the area were being professionally decorated for Halloween by companies that apparently do this for a living. There were two-story ghouls being hung from palm trees, full-size coffins being con
… Read full post »HOW the POST OFFICE can SAVE THE WORLD
When you toss an empty shampoo bottle into a recycling bin and drag it to the curb, that bottle begins a ponderous journey during which it is sorted, shredded, melted and remanufactured into something else.
Which, some experts say, can use more energy than creating a new bottle from scra… Read full post »
THE
Client Review
SawyerSpeaks Advertising
Product under review:
“THE”
THE
“I don’t know – ‘the’ is concise and all that, but will people understand it?”
“I ran it by my husband last night and he sure didn’t get it. And he’s an… Read full post »
5 Reasons I'd Make a Lousy Spy
smiley face spy camera
5. Spies sneak up on, I trundle over to
4. Sorry, #4’s a secret. Nope, no can do. Oh alright I’ll tell you but just don’t say anything OK?
3. Pie not served a la mode? Now that’s torture
2. My secret agent is brewe
… Read full post »Guidance Office
Office of Richard Hentschler, Career Counselor
Franklin
B. Madison High School
Farmton,
New Hampshire
May 29, 1974
“You enjoy meeting and touching strangers. You will either become a physician or do 30 years in the state penitentiary,” said Mr. Hentschler, leafing through one of a
… Read full post »The Three Stooges As Written By Aaron Sorkin
It's The Three Stooges in Calling All Critics!
As
it might be written by Aaron
Sorkin, creator of The
West Wing and Newsroom.
Interior: the elegant ballroom of a fine Victorian mansion. A few dozen Wall Street elites socialize over cocktails after dinner, the me/
… Read full post »Art Fair
So here we are together under your white canopy.
I stand looking at your art.
You sit looking at me.
The sun looks for us both, impatient to draw anything living out of the shade and savage it.
Your work, this distillation of your soul, your 50 years
… Read full post »Top 5 Chinese Fireworks at the Local Stand Today
5. BOOM BOOM OUCH OUCH NURSE NURSE! Pack of 12
4. THE DISEMBOWLER, WITH REPORT
3. KEROSENE-FILLED BOUNCY HOUSE
2. GREEK CANDLE (LIKE ROMAN CANDLE, BUT IMPLODES)
And the most dangerous fireworks of all…
1. SPARKLERS Read full post »
sinking
The 1 percent is doing fine,
Not so much the 99;
Tough to care who’s on the brink,
When washing your hands in an aquarium sink.
Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great
ship.
Benjamin
Franklin
Armaments, universal debt, and planned obsolescence – those are the three
It Could Be the Beret.
Permission Granted
Is this sandwich for eating?
Yes it is.
Might I eat some of it?
Indeed.
It is quite delicious.
Good.
Might I now extract the nutrients internally to burn as energy today?
Yes.
I see there is a pickle.
There is a pickle.
And chips over
… Read full post »Now is not the time to be watching TV at the Norske Nook
By Jeff Sawyer
I was in the men’s room at the Norske Nook pie restaurant in Osseo, Wisconsin last weekend, en route to a daughter’s Eau Claire graduation where a very funny writer named Michael Perry would give the kids advice I bet no other grad in th/
… Read full post »Monday Morning in the Jury Room
How’d
it go in court? I’ll tell you how it went in
court.
If ever you are summoned to jury duty, my innocent until proven otherwise friend, tell them you are canoeing across New Brunswick in search of beaver pelts that week, and if they don’t buy it, gather
… Read full post »
Emily Holleman
spotted_mind
Kerry Lauerman
Joan Walsh
Salon.com
