Stories From A Life

Been there. Done that. Writing about it.

Sally Swift

Sally Swift
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
June 14
VP, Repartee
Swift Retorts
sally: a journey, a venture, an expression of feeling, an outburst, a quip, a wisecrack ... me


JULY 7, 2010 8:52PM

There Are No Words, Just Love for Deven and Ben

Rate: 74 Flag


The world lost a good man today. By all accounts a kind, funny, decent, hard-working, honest, honorable man. A woman lost her husband. A boy lost his father. A troll lost an ape. Friends and family lost a loved one. 

It's so totally unfair. Random. Unfathomable. Finite.

We have been gathered around one of our own waiting for this and sending love, prayers, thoughts, jokes, comments, notes, more love ... all out here in space.

Yet it's totally real. Caring. Supporting. Being there. Being here. But being there too. An army of kindred spirits, hands clasped in friendship and love and okay, it's okay to say, we have to say, grief.

Many have intimate knowledge of this mind-boggling event in their own lives. Ideas, suggestions, strategies for coping, dealing, someday healing.

Still, when it's your own, you have to own it yourself. Deven will do that. She can do that. She must, and she can. Deven has shown us her wit and wisdom and humility and humanity. She has the strength to deal.

We just need to be here ready and waiting to give her whatever she needs. Even if it's white space. 

Daniel McKay, husband of Deven, father of Ben, member of a large community of family and friends, Rest In Peace.

Deven and Ben and all those we don't know, we wish you peace too.

To honor Deven's wonderful final post about Daniel, Karaoke on the Edge




From Sandra Stephens:  He is gone.
From Kathy Riordan: When It Comes
From Damion Chaplin:  For Deven
From Bill Schwartz: A Cappella Praises For The Day

Someone else's words: 
i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate, my sweet)i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings


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Olev Ha Shalom Daniel.
oh fucking shit.

I knew it was bad, but...

Oh fucking shit.
Very, very sorry to read this. So very sorry.
This is absolutely heart-breaking. Deven is the sweetest person on earth. I'm so, so sorry. God bless her and Ben. Sally, I know how hard it is to deliver this tragic, tragic news. Our prayers and love go out to her and Ben -- and to everyone touched by this tragedy.
Tragic news.

May Daniel rest in peace.
I have no words . . . no words . . .


Thank you for letting us know . . .

And what Steve said.
I don't own this news, we all do. Deven posted it on Facebook. I just couldn't stop my fingers from letting my heart talk.
Ack, I didn't realize anything was so terribly wrong. Deven and Ben, I'm so dreadfully sorry, inadequate response though that is.
I'm so sorry that this has happened. Lots of love to Deven and Ben. May Daniel rest in peace.
How tragic for Deven and family, healing prayers and thoughts.
Thank you for sharing.

May Deven find comfort among the living and her memories of Daniel remain strong.
Sending love and light to Deven and Ben and a peaceful transition to Daniel...
I had no idea either. My thoughts are with them....
I have no words. I only say that you are in my thoughts. r-
thanks for posting this, sally, because i had no idea this was going on. i'm so sorry for deven and their son. terrible news.
Thank you for being the one to bear this horrible news - you did it perfectly.
All my love and hopes and prayers are with Deven and her family.
I know everyone wanted many more years from him, and hope that his peace was achieved, and her peace is imminent.
I am so, so sorry.
Deven and Ben, I am so very sorry for your loss. You are in my heart and my prayers.
I am so sorry to read this.
Sally, thank you. You have said what I didn't know how to say. Prayers sent.
I've been following this on Facebook for awhile and when i saw your title Sally, i wanted to run the other way. Love to you dear friend Deven, Freaqui, Ben, Betty et al. We Love you.
I'm sorry, my heart goes out sending compassionate thoughts ...
My prayers are with this family.
Godspeed to Daniel in his crossing, strength to you, Deven, in his departing and blessings to Ben in the months and years ahead. May you take comfort in his memory, together.
so very sad... my thoughts and prayers go out to Deven and her family.
I'm so sorry. This is a terrible thing.
This is just so sad and I am so glad you posted this.
Rated with tears and hugs
Rated and commenting to keep this on the cover. I, like many, only know Deven and her family from online, but by all accounts they're great people and my heart goes out to them.
Words when there are no words, Sally. Beautifully said.

Love and peace to Deven, Ben and Daniel.
Sally, thanks for letting me know about this -- I'm on vacation, and I haven't been as present on OS as I want anyway. Deven, I'll reach out to you in all the ways I know. I'm so sorry for what you and Ben are going through, and I'm so sad I never got on a plane to, you know, wherever, to have some fun (and cocktails) with you.
Devin and Ben, I'm so sorry. May Daniel rest in peace. Thank you, Sally.
Beautifully said. Thank you, Sally. Love to Deven and Ben.
Blessings to you all. I am sorry. Sorrowful.
As I've said, I don't own this sad news, we all do. Deven posted it on Facebook. I just couldn't stop my fingers from letting my heart talk to Deven and our OS family.

I am not replying to comments because this isn't about me. I'll just say that Cindy Ross has a good idea. Let's work on that among ourselves, in PMs or emails. I'll seek info we'd need.

And of course, Fearless Leader Joan gets a Freaky hug for taking time during her vacation to sincerely reach out to One Of Our Own.
I am so sad for Deven and Ben. My heart goes out to them with love during an unfathomably sad and stunning time. I just hate it when tragic things happen to such good people. It ain't right.
Sally, Thank you for posting this. Its times like this that makes OS feel like a true community. Deven and Ben I am so sorry for your loss.
Sadness, scarab
with seven crippled feet,
spiderweb egg,
scramble-brained rat,
bitch’s skeleton:
No entry here.
Don’t come in.
Go away.
Go back
south with your umbrella,
go back
north with your serpent’s teeth.
A poet lives here.
No sadness may
cross this threshold.
Through these windows
comes the breath of the world,
fresh red roses,
flags embroidered with
the victories of the people.
No entry.
your bat’s wings,
I will trample the feathers
that fall from your mantle,
I will sweep the bits and pieces
of your carcass to
the four corners of the wind,
I will wring your neck,
I will stitch your eyelids shut,
I will sew your shroud,
sadness, and bury your rodent bones
beneath the springtime of an apple tree.
–Pablo Neruda, “Ode to Sadness”

Well, I wish I could do that for Deven and Ben.
I can't stop being sad. I am so very, very sad. And mad. I fucking hate cancer. If it was person, I'd kill it and happily rot in jail until kingdom come to pay for its murder.
Exactly what you said, Sally. Exactly.
My sympathy and good wishes to Deven and family.
Keeping you and Ben in my, Dan and Ben are loved on many levels.
Having arrived right at the end of this makes me no less sad nor angry. In fact I feel robbed. But that's nothing compared with the theft from Dan's family and friends. Between the anger and the tenderness lies, hopefully, an opening toward some sort of peace.
From Richard Jeffries these words come through me to all who knew and loved Daniel: "It is eternity now."
I am so very sorry. I always wish there was more to say or do.
Very sad to hear of the loss.
May Deven and Ben find the peace and love in the warmth of their memories. ((((Deven & Ben))))
Oh god, no. Not Daniel.
So sorry Deven.
Thanks Sally, the community needed this. Love to you too.
My prayers are with Deven and Ben.
Utter sadness. No other words come willingly.
Thank you for this, Sally. What terribly sad news...
Much love to Deven and Ben.
Thanks Sally...saddness today...much Love to Deven and family.
May the road rise to meet him...
Heartbreaking. Praying for peace and comfort for Deven, her family, and everyone who hurts from this. Life is too terribly short.
Oh my.

I had no idea he was sick.

I'm so sorry.

Prayers for Deven and Ben.
My deepest c0dolences to Deven and Ben over the loss of Daniel. Peace and love.
Not much words can do to help, I can say that I'm sorry and the hole remains, I can say it is awful, and the pain will not diminish. All I have to offer are words and feelings, not quite a tangible thing and of little value when the loss is so great. Still, I hope there can be some comfort in knowing that you are not alone with the grief.
Soul-wrenching news. Thanks for the post Sally. My thoughts are with Deven.
Awful....just fucking awful. I'm so sorry, Devon.

Devin can make me laugh and cry like nobody else. Her beloved Daniel is holding a stuffed pig in this picture, which hints at the fun they made together. I'm so very sorry.
Deven has always, and I do mean always been the sweetest of people on here. One thing I learn much more clearly every day of my life is that life is not fair. It just isn't. If it were Deven, Ben and so many others would not be hurting so. You're a wonderful friend to her Sally and if there's one thing I've learned, she has oh so many. Peace, Love and Blessings Deven.
Again, I say to Death, take a vacation and return a loved one to our loved one!!!!


Tink Picked!!!!
Thanks Sally for this. Sometimes I love this community.

I'm with Cartouche, to a peaceful transition.
I guess I never commented earlier...

Thank you, Sally for this piece.
So sorry sweetface.......please do come and visit me in Mexico. Bring Ben. We'll teach him to surf in the gentle waves here, and we'll drink tequila.

So much love to you...........
And yet you found words, comforting words and inspired others to add theirs. This is how people should act. We can are and support and though we will never meet, be there for this family in our hearts and hopefully in theirs. Thank you.
These comments are so important and kind.... for Deven and Ben and maybe even for Deven to read to Betty "from the Diary people."

If you've written a post for Deven, I would love to add it above. Please send me the link.

Thank you all.
I sent Deven a short PM but just wanted to sign the condolence book here, as it were, in case it's easier for her to see and feel us all gathered here, virtually but no less robustly than if we were all standing in a room together, holding candles and flowers and offering good food to eat, and opening our arms to her for a hug we need, too, and saying how sorry we are, and how much she means to us.

xo, Deven, and please do tell us what we can do to help, when you're ready.

((((Deven and Ben))))

May you share laughter through the tears.
My deepest condolences, my sincerest sympathies. I am so sorry.
Oh...what a beautiful, heartfelt tribute. Though belated, my thoughts are with Deven and Ben...
There are certainly a lot of details like that to take into consideration. That is a great point to bring up. I offer the thoughts above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions like the one you bring up where the most important thing will be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, but I am sure that your job is clearly identified as a fair game. Both boys and girls feel the impact of just a moment’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
promo diskon