Geez... When I melt down I do a good job of it don't I?
I'm keeping this post so that I can save all of your comments because they are all so kind and it is comforting to go back over them. I am deleting that "spew" I wrote because, quite honestly, it embarrasses the hell out of me now in the bright light of day.
Sorry, for the "brain dump" I just needed to know that there were other people out there who knew I existed and cared. Y'all did that in spades and I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you.
BTW, before logging in the AM, I went and had a little talk with my Suzy, out by her tree. The analytical/Borg side of me occasionally says that she's not really there, but the emotional/human side of me knows that she is. Anyways, we had another REALLY good cry this morning.
She was always the "touchy-feeling" one of us and she helped me "get" what caused this most recent melt down (in a long line of freak'in melt downs). Most of it was simply her being gone for 6 months at the end of July and ME doing everything in my power to ignore the fact, as opposed to acknowledging it and dealing with it. HA! I should have known. My Suzy was NEVER one for being ignored! She wasn't about to accept me getting a "Grief Extension" like she was a bunch of tax forms. The girls INSISTS on being filed on time!
She also explained that there were a couple of other "trigger" things going on too. The relationship between my best friend and I has become strained and I'm worried about how a friend from here is REALLY doing (PSM: Like I told you, I sic'ed my Suzy on your ass, so you are really gonna get it now!)
Oh well, my girls are going to be coming back from "camping" this PM and are bringing everyone else along so that they can go swimming. That means I need to play life guard and at least attempt to do the mom thing (at least as far as the cookies and juice part).
Just let me say one more time, "Thank you all for being there for me when I needed/need/will need you. People can say whatever they like about that the internet isn't real, but I'll tell them to kiss my ass, because the caring and support I've gotten from you all is as real as hell.
'Sides, my Suzy told me it was! ;~)